I was due on Friday October 13th. It was a weird feeling that his due date was here and I felt exactly the same. The last 2 weeks I had a fair bit of braxton hicks but apart from that no signs that he wanted to join us on the outside.
When I was 5 days over I had my midwifery appointment. She did an internal examination with a stretch and sweep of the cervix. That is a way of trying to initiate labour since hormones are being released and could if bub, uterus and cervix is ready get the process started.
So it's Wednesday and we get home at around 3.30PM. At 6.30PM I start getting contractions. They were very irregular and the intensity varied. I went for a walk with Ragnar, made sure hospital bag was packed (didn't make a big deal about what to put in there but just made sure there was a bit of snacks, some clothes, big comfy undies, panodol and so on).
Although my contractions were irregular they still came around at least every 10min. So that night I didn't get any sleep..
I tried to go to bed but then woke up with every contraction in pain.

So the next day we called up the hospital to ask for advise and if we could come in. They said we could come so they could have a look.
Once up there a lady in her 50's(not super friendly and understanding but not too bad either) examined me only to tell me I had a softened cervix and had opened 1cm (you kidding?!). Labour starts when your 4cm dilated. So since I was exhausted due to lack of sleep she gave me two "strong" painkiller and another tablet that was to help me get some rest.
Anyways we got back home. Contractions kept on coming but still far apart (10min). So we went for a walk down the beach and tried to get time to pass. Later in the afternoon/night I started to feel anxious. I still hadn't had any sleep. I was exhausted and worried. Pre-labour can last for days so thinking about that Im stressing out. (I CAN'T DO THIS FOR DAYS!! No sleep, pain.. gah)

Around midnight (Friday morning) My contractions were regular every 6min first for about an hour and then every 4-5min. I woke james up (had told him to try and get some sleep so that he would be functional for when labour actually starts) he called the hospital and they told us to come in. We got there and This was the worst experience. The midwife was in her 60's and not warm, understanding or nice at all. She told me he was posterior (had no idea what that was) and that I had to move my pelvis from side to side in a rocking motion during each contraction in order to get him to turn around. (They want him in a position where his back is towards my belly button and he is facing my back. Posterior meant that he was on my left side "facing inwards") that was why I felt the contractions in my lower back. She left us in the examination room for a while and I hated her. (I know it wasn't her fault, but she just didn't treat me in a way that I could relate and trust her. Felt so vulnerable and undisclosed. She came back maybe half an hour later to examine me and turns out I was still 1cm dilated. We left. I didn't thank her didn't say goodbye. Nothing. I walked out and when the door shut behind us I cried and cried. Was labour ever going to happen? Also she told James after giving me the same tablets as the first midwife had that I would be able to sleep with them (which I knew I wouldn't..) but if everything was still the same at noon the (Friday) we could call up and come in for the doctor to make a decision whether to induce me then rather than wait till Monday when I was going to get induced for going too far past due date.

So I did the best I could with showers and heat packs to deal with the pain I was in. (Floor was filled with wet towels, since I'd been in and out of the shower for the past 30-40hours. Big thank you to James mother Julie who came and cleaned up and washed everything for us so that we could come home as a family to a nice and tidy home.) At 11AM Friday James told me we that he was going to call the Hospital and demand that the doctor would examine me and induce me. I was over the whole thing and said I might just have the baby at home. The emotional distress I felt after being sent home twice was unbearable. I just wanted to be believed and treated respectfully. James told me that he was not going to let them send us home again. I felt alright alright alright, I'll go in to make him happy. Because to be honest I actually just wanted to stay at home and never ever go back there. I let him call the hospital and he said the woman was nice, the nicest so far(!) and convinced me to go in once more.

As soon as we walked in Sarah a Young nice friendly and understanding midwife welcome us and tells me how great I'm doing and that I'm a real fighter. They didn't have any examination rooms available so was put in a shared room where another couple was behind curtains. I think they were booked in for a c-section. (No contractions in there 😅)
Sarah examined me, treated me with respect and also told me that I was 3-4cm dilated and since I'd have such a rough start they were going to let me stay. Wow what a relief. Now I knew that we're not leaving until I've had the baby. Hooray!

They didn't have any birthing suits ready so asked us to wait whilst they cleaned and got a room ready for us. She also asked if I wanted morphine which I didn't. Just looked forward to getting that room and to jump in the bath!
We didn't have to wait for to long maybe an hour or so. I didn't mind, because I was in the hospital and allowed to stay.

As soon as our room was ready I got undressed and jumped into the bath. James got organized with our bags, snacks, a portable speaker and the camera all got lined up on a bench top.

We told Sarah that we felt lucky to have her as our midwife and she told us that her shift would finish in about 2hours. I didn't care too much and turns out the next midwife that took over (along with a few others) was amazing. She told me I was a gun, that I was doing great, that I can do this, to breathe that baby down. She was AMAZING! She motivated me, made me feel like a superwoman 💪🏼

Someone came in every 30min to listen to baby's heartbeat and after sometime I asked for the gas. I was disappointed at first when I tried it. It didn't do anything.. I tried a few more times and what it did help me with was to focus on breathing. It's quite hard to breathe in and out into that tube so I had to focus which was great. With each contraction I got James, who was sitting on a chair next to the tub, to give me the gas and get the hose and hold it in place where I felt most pain (lower abdomen). After 4hours it was time to see how dilated I was. Got out of the bath and on the bed. Turns out I'm 6-7cm now. Great, we are progressing!
I tried to sit on the pilates ball in the shower with one hose on my abdomen and one on my lower back but I preferred the bath so jumped in there again.

About an hour later I start feeling this urge to push at they start of each contraction. It was just doing it door me and I could no longer breathe through it. It was just pushing down. Midwife had heard me, and came in and asked if I was pushing. Told her I was trying not to. They got me out of the bath to examine me again after trying to get me to breathe through it - and failing. Turns out I'm just about fully dilated. Just a tiny bit to go on the left side. Then they give me an impossible mission, Elsa you have to breathe through it and absolutely not push. We don't want the cervix to get swollen by me pushing before I'm 10cm open. That was such a hard thing trying to achieve, almost threw up a couple of time because of that insane pressure. Imagine this, the feeling of a jumbo orange, heaps heavy that your supposed to hold up with you pelvic floor whilst focusing on your breath - Impossible!

They called for the doctor to see if I had fully dilated yet and I had! It's time to push!
I got up on the bed which was raised so my position was face against the wall holding on to the bed head. I tried to push and screamed doing it. Midwife told me to take a deep breath, hold it and just push, push push. Did that for some time before they asked me if I wanted to try another position. Tried the side and they could now see his head! They showed me in a mirror. To be honest it looked like there was a vagina coming out of my vagina. His head was squashed together forming a fold add his hair to that and tada, it looked like a vagina. Haha
Pushed once or twice before turning over to my back and pushing his head out. It was quiet, they told me to with the next contraction let it build up and then do a big push. I did, and his body came out. They gave me an injection to get the placenta out and as soon as he was on my chest it just slid out without having to push at all.

He was born Friday at 6.33PM exactly 48hours after my first contractions had started. What a relief. He is here, he is okay. I am okay.

Well now they just had to stitch me up. I had a second degree tear. So they gave me the gas back, which I hadn't used since I started pushing and tried to just focus on my beautiful newborn son and my breath. Quarter past seven she was finished. I have to say it really wasn't pleasant but didn't mind, just wanted her to do a good job and do it properly so that I would get the best recovery possible.

When she finished I got off the bed, James stayed with the baby when he was measured and weighed and I had a shower. When I got out we looked at our son and decided to call him Noah. Noah Walsh

To be honest worst thing with my labour was definitely pre-labour and second place goes to getting stitched up. Dilation at the hospital was alright and I only pushed for 10min so that was bearable too! Was a bit painful that burning sensation when his head came out and I tore.
But as you might have guessed. I would do it all over again and it was so worth it. We love him endlessly and our new life that came with him.

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It's 3.40 in the morning and Im awake. I don't know if it's jet lag, but I guess that is most likely. I'm thinking about all the things that I have, what we share together. First of all our amazing house, one more bedroom is getting set up downstairs as a guest room. I'm excited to get a few things for it, such as side tables and artwork. Our nursery is coming up good as well. Only need a rocking chair or similar an a good looking toy box and we're there.

Thinking about the fact that James sister is organizing a baby shower here for me in a couple of weeks with all my friend and family here invited.
How lucky can one be? Two sets of families and friends on two very separated places on this earth.

Thinking about what I will do for a living in the future, sometimes I stress about that because I feel like I have no clue, maybe events, maybe not. I don't know. Last night I told James and he said no stress you're only young and that calmed me down, and I could sleep.

How beautiful is James? I've known that I'm lucky for a long time and I know he feels the same way. It's not a new feeling, still, I get overwhelmed. Thinking that we're doing life together and soon starting a new chapter, becoming parents is just unreal. (Gets a bit more real when the little fella is keeping me awake with his kicking).

Okay, a bit of everything here. Just felt like writing it down. Xxx

From one morning walk, Öland, Sweden.

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Here are just a couple of photos from my time here at our summer house. Last weekend my younger brother and his partner came and today the older one came for the weekend.

I love this, laughing with the people I love, talking and eating yummy things 😍

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Everyday life

A week has passed since they all surprised me at my baby shower! Maybe I needed a week to process it all.

It was such a blessing, mum, Tilde and Mariam had organized everything so so nicely. They had fun games, one was played on everyone's phone through a website called kahoot, it was like a quiz about me, James, statistics and more. I won!! Woop woop. Other games we played in groups. I loved it.

Friends and family (from both sides), that were all there for me, to celebrate the baby we're having. I got so many beautiful gifts, wouldn't wanna change a single item, all in great taste.

There was fika for everyone to eat and everyone got a little bag with chocolate and soap bubbles, so we all blew them and it was magical, I loved it.

I was on my way to my grandparents summer house and was not prepared or dressed for a party like that. But it didn't matter. My nan had made me a beautiful wreath which I wore all night.

That night will stay with me forever, a gift so precious. So I can always remember that whenever I'm homesick or miss my family or friends.

I want to say big thank you to everyone that came and for all the gifts, so so spoiled. Also James was taken by surprise. When I called him 1am that night he asked what I was doing up so late. I told him there had been a surprise baby shower. His next question was, who's? He asked me to show him everything that we were given and also he felt big gratitude.

I know there was more photos taken so as soon as I get them I'll show you them as well.

I'm down at Öland at our summer house. Enjoying the relaxing days with my close family. Mum, my sister, nan and pop(and their🐱 🐶)
Last night my brother Edvard and his girlfriend Cornelia came down for the weekend together with his childhood friend Mattias. We stayed up late learning/playing a strategic board game.

Will try to remember to take more photos here and update you soon again, but remember this is my holiday, I'm really trying to do nothing 😂

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Im in Sweden, currently on a train to Jonkoping where my brothers and their partners live.

Flight to Stockholm was alright, first 3 hours terrible but the rest was fine. I was only because I was in a bit of pain and felt like the trip would last forever. But I'm not going to complain, Emirates is a great airline and you always feel looked after.
Since I managed to sleep about 6 or 7hours all together I felt fine when we landed. My beautiful and amazing mother and sister picked me up and it was pure joy hugging them and talking on the way back to Vasteras.

We had early dinner and a few relatives came over to say hi and have fika.

After everyone left mum put some tea on and I had a rest on the lounge but fell asleep. It was 10pm so she woke me up and led me to bed. Exhausted! Slept well so not worried about being jet lagged really.

Something I have notice now is how different everything smells!

It smells like spring here, amazing very fresh and with a floral touch. I love it. Walking into mums apartment and smell that very familiar scent was great too. Sad James can't be here with me:(
Next summer 💕

Sweden is so beautiful, listening to music and just looking out my window adoring Mother Nature and Sweden and feeling so thankful. This is my other home, this is where I'm from. I really appreciate being here and to meet everyone I love and care about.

I truly get the best of both worlds, because at one point I will have to say goodbye to everyone here again but hen I get to go to my real home and to kiss my boys. James is the most amazing partner and he really takes care of me and makes sure that I am happy, full (😂) and loved. And Raggy, apparently he is looking for me at home, missing his mumma (can already imagine how he will react when I get back, will ask James to film it)

So just wanted to check in and say that I am happy and well and super thankful to life and everything that I have.

Xxx

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Break ups and travel

After we met we started dating, very intense at first, seeing each other almost everyday. Don't be fooled, we have not had a simple and easy relationship ever since.
After about 6 weeks our first down came along. James wasn't sure that he wanted to do this. He is 9years older than me so he was looking for a girl to settle down with, not a really bad backpacker who lived day by day with no plan what so ever for the future.
He was working, had a stable life with his own business and routines and was looking forward to having kids. He didn't think I was the right one.

I was heartbroken, had got so attached to him, I didn't enjoy my life in Sydney without him. Went back to hostel life, now combined with work. That was such a bad experience, I was always disturbed by people partying and waking me up when I was asleep and had to get up early for work. But whilst we didn't really see much of each other and tried to not stay in contact either we couldn't really let the other person go.

We decided to give it another go, but it ended badly with my heart broken and I decided to go back to Sweden, I had to get away. At this time my best friend was also very sick and her birthday was coming up so I went back and surprised her at the hospital.

Getting this time apart gave both James and I time to think over what we wanted. We didn't need much time before we both knew we wanted to be together. I felt that the time apart did us good, it worked as a good test to see how badly we wanted to be together. I was back in Sweden for a total of 4months. I got to spend time with my friend, see my brother graduate and attend my uncles wedding celebrations.

We couldn't be apart for all that time so James came to Europe, also to prove to me that he wanted this, wanted me.(I will write another post about our trip or at least show photos)

When I came back to Australia we knew that this was really happening, we are not doing it just until we get bored or get another opportunity for something new, or exciting. James bought a house, a home for us to live in. So when I came back in August -16 we had a month in his old unit before we got to move in. During that time we bought happiness, Ragnar. He brings me so much joy and laughter and I also practice my patience, getting my favourite things torn into pieces..

We started out family in a big home. Way too big for the 3 of us.. But now we are working on filling some of the rooms. We have 5bedrooms, perfect for when my family visits with 2 guest bedrooms. James brother has been living with us since February (he will move out before bubba is entering this world) and then we've got our room and the nursery. And yes still have at least one empty room but it's small I promise and works good as storage for now.

I know that I'm pregnant, emotional and my hormones are killing me at times.. But all and all, I've never been this happy. We are so lucky and fortunate. I start crying just writing this now(-.-). My everyday life sometimes feels unreal. But again, don't be fooled, it is now (being pregnant) harder than ever to be away from the other loved ones I've got. Lucky me who in less than 2weeks time jumps on a plane home, my 2nd home.

Look at me now, pregnant and happy. (Photo from a friends 30th bday last Sunday)

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James

El topo and nudity

I left Sweden early on in October 2015, I didn't have any money but thought that if I have enough to get to Australia and to live there for a month I could just work there instead of working in Sweden over the winter.

I ended up staying at hostels for a bit over a week. Around the clock partying and no job searching. I decided to move in with a couple of girls for 3weeks just to get my shit together. They had Monday-Friday jobs so that made me do useful things like looking for jobs and I also went for an interview the first week (got the job and started Monday after). That did me good, but Friday came along and the 4girls living in the apt. decided to go out. It was a good way to get to know each other. and to be honest that was what every weekend was about.

When partying at hostels it was about going to backpacker bars or drinking with people in the common areas. I had not yet really dressed up and gone clubbing or anything close to it either. Now my flatmates had real jobs and money, so no goon (cheap so called bib wine) and real clubs with entrance fees. We went to a place called El topo, I fell in love with the place straight away. I just wanted to dance and to good music, drink redbull-vodka and hang in the great-to-get-to-know-people smoking area. Girls said around 1.30 or 2.00 that they were leaving. In response I just said, ok bye bye, see you at home! Not that I did go home. I had too much fun to leave.

I saw this very good looking guy, you could tell straight away that he was bad. I loved it. He was wearing perfectly loose black jeans, white oversized tshirt and a snap back. I was instantly attracted to him. Walked up and said what was the first thing I could think of to get his attention. "It's written on your forehead, you're a douche bag" After that we were dancing and kept on partying for a bit. But, we lost each other. Never mind. They were closing so I went outside. I didn't wanna go home, I wanted to find an afterparty (Never knew when to finish up for the night..). However I was really, really drunk and did all the weird stuff I got going on when too much to drink. Same guy finds me again, puts me with him in a taxi, because as he put it "you're going to get into trouble". Referring to being a blonde, pretty and drunk foreigner without any idea of where I was.

Waking up a couple of hours later, still drunk. Had to ask. "What was your name again?" "James.."
I had got undressed into his bed and fell asleep. No kissing, no cuddles, and certainly not more than that. I passed out.
So being awake but still groggy I started (still note dressed) to stroll around. he lived in a granny flat. Walked out from his kitchen and to a corridor, leading to the rest of the house and into one of the bedrooms.

I found a guy sitting there in a tidy room on a made bed. He was writing something. I covered myself and said, "Hello, Im Elsa from Sweden!" He looked shocked and there was no more to it than that, James called my name and told me to get back to his granny flat. He was stressing out, having me there undressed. So he told me to put my dress on and we walked outside. He was living right on the water. I had no idea where I was or what suburb Cronulla was. North, west, south, absolutely no clue. Furthest I had been was to Waterloo, suburb I lived in 15min on the bus from central.

He asked me if I wanted to go out on the water on a jet-ski. I said yes without thinking and as it turned out, he had his own jet-ski. I didn't have any swimmers so he offered to buy me one. I had lost my bankcards earlier that week and didn't have much cash left so him offering to do that was so very luxurious and I remember thinking, why is he doing this, he doesn't even know me, and I was drunk and annoying last night.. Why question something that is going so well? Thought was dropped and instead I let him sweep me off my feet that beautiful day. I fell in love with the port hacking (the water leading out to the ocean) and really enjoyed my day. We decided that day (Saturday) to see each other again on the following Tuesday. I hadn't had any proper home cooked meals since I left Sweden and according to him he was extraordinary in the kitchen.

He dropped me off in the afternoon. I had another party with my flatmates and their friends to attend to and he did not feel like another big night. He drove me home and it took about 1 hour for us (and there I realized that he lived in the far south) I was struck by his very respectful manner generosity to someone he just met and walking inside I felt like a princess. What crazy 24hours it had been.

Our story has been a roller coaster so thought I could do pt. 1 and pt 2. stay tuned.

xx

Photo was taken on that first morning.

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Everyday life, James

I have been tossing up whether to put it out there or not. I guess photos have started to show too now and if you could see me irl there is no doubt anymore. Why I've been negative to posting a ultrasound on Facebook or other social media is because people (myself included) keep track on acquaintances. Friends and family obviously knows since I told them and why does people in general need to know everything about me and my life? Well I guess people are slightly more interested in my life if we're connected on social media because I live in a tropical country with a partner I met here. Living to some extent an extraordinary life compared to previously in my teenage years or as a young adult.

Anyhow, feels weird to hide it now. It is something big happening in my life and not including it in my blog at all doesn't seem right. But be aware, it won't be 100 % maternity blog!

Good for my readers to understand why it's so important for me to come home for a couple of weeks, won't be able to travel for a couple of months before and after baby is born. I am 20w when this comes up. Have to be back before I start week 28. (fairly common to go into labor on planes, which is why they doesn't allow you to fly after week 28. )

So what else is there to say, well he is expected mid October. And yes, I just wrote it there, it is a he. James and I have quite different name preferences, but have agreed on a few and then we'll decide when we've got him in our arms.

This is also the reason for plain clothes choices (last post), easier to find stuff that will fit..

Oh maybe I should tell you if it was planned or not. Well I quit contraceptives and fell pregnant that same week. We certainly didn't think it would be so fast. I expected it to take about 6months or so. Still we knew it could happen and yes this is a wanted baby and we are super excited to be on this journey. Planning to write about how I met James and our story next. So check in here in a couple of days to read that too.

Any questions? I'm happy to answer pretty much anything.

Take care xx

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Inspiration

WINTER - AUSTRALIA

A couple of these items I have already, Some are on its way and some I just fancy. For Australian winter I think this is a great way to dress, it will keep me worm but still feel like I can wear different things rather than typical Swedish winter - all black.
Jeans
♥︎ Cardigan ♥︎ T-shirt
Jacket ♥︎ Beige jumper ♥︎ Pants
Jeans ♥︎ Grey jumper ♥︎
Espadrilles

Summer Sweden

I will keep it very simple and use mostly basics in white and with that ad a bit of color through choice of accessories.
Shirt
♥︎ Striped Tshirt ♥︎ Purse
Sandals ♥︎ Top ♥︎ Skirt
Shorts
♥︎ Espadrilles ♥︎
Pants

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Everyday life

When I see my friends and family and people I follow on social media post photos of berries, flower buds, bare-legs and other summer glimpses I get so happy!

I know that you have all waited a long time for that to happen. You seemed to skip spring and go straight from winter to summer instead. I try to enjoy it with you, after all I have had summer for a long time and then a mild autumn so I can't really complain can I? Not to forget, I'm very lucky since I'll get to enjoy a bit of your summer as well in a couple of weeks.

Winter so far is very comfortable, not too cold. Sun still comes out here and there and when it does it gets so warm enough to sun-bake. Now for e.g. its noon and I'm wearing a skirt, thongs and tshirt sitting outside with my laptop. Why sit inside when its so nice and worm and study (and blog..) and I could sit here and listen to exotic birds chirping and Ragnar can sun-bake on the grass. Don't be fooled though. When the sun isn't out and since we live close to the coast it can get windy and cold so my inter jacket is going to come in handy when it arrives today.

I will wear a jacket you could use for Swedish winters. Difference is that I won't be wearing it everyday and not with the same accessories you'd have to use in Sweden. I will wear normal shoes such as sneakers and won't be needing a beanie nor a scarf. Now that I use my laptop for my studies as well I will start to experiment and hopefully learn how to make collages and other things I haven't looked in to yet. I am for e.g. learning different hotkeys. Never bothered before but much needed now that I write and need to be faster in order to get proactive and manage my time better. High five to me!




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