Life update once again.
So a lot has happened again. I choose to not share everything online.
Heartbreak and stuff but fuck it. But yeah a lot of suicidal thoughts like always. I'll at least be here until New Years so don't worry. Good thing is I have amazing best friends by my side even tho I'm really messed up.
School is pretty chill. Thank god tomorrow is December, can you believe it?! So it's soon Christmas which means more festive mood you know? I'm excited. Even tho I'm fucking depressed I'm trying to enjoy the holidays.
Oh and an update on my depression thing. So I've felt so depressed and other people are getting worried. But they don't really have to worry I mean I'm here for at least a month still?
I see my psychologist often so that's good. I write in my diary and I've been getting more into poetry which is nice. And I talk to my closest friends all the time. I meet them and hug them every day so that's good. So it's not like I keep everything to myself and not talk about what's going on in my head.
I saw a doctor with my psychologist and dad this week. I was so goddamn nervous but surprisingly, it went well. My dad was so chill. I thought he would be angry but no. So basically we talked about how I've been feeling. My dad doesn't know that I'm depressed because I'm good at pretending I'm ok and I never talk to my dad about how I feel and stuff. So they told dad that they're a little worried and that I'm not feeling good. They didn't tell him about my suicidal thoughts tho which is good. And we also talked about medicine. For a long time I didn't want medicine because if my dad knew I needed it, he would know that everything's not fine. But then one time I said yes I'd like to get medicine. Because it's getting to that point where people around me are getting so worried so I decided that the best thing to do is to get medicine. My psychologist also asked me once if I need to go to a like mental ward or something like that because she's worried I might lose control. I'd like to go to a mental ward but I hate people and being in a place I'm not used to be at makes me anxious. But we'll see. Maybe in 2017. I don't know. I have to think about it. But anyways so I got medicine. I took it for the first time today. The medicine I eat "is used to delay mood episodes in adults with bipolar disorder (manic depression)."
I googled about this medicine and it says that I may have thoughts about suicide while taking this medication. And then I read that less common side effects are for example depression and anxiety. So I'm a little bit confused. But I'm sure the doctor and my psychologist are sure about what they're doing so I don't have to worry about that. But yeah, so I got medicine. I still have to tell mom all about it because I haven't seen her in about a month and I'll see her this weekend.
But yeah, life sucks but whatever. I'm still breathing so that's good, right?
I hope you're doing good, enjoying the holiday season. And if you aren't doing so good, it's okay. It will be okay. *hugs*
Life update once again.
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