I recently read a book called "Love letters to the dead" by Ava Dellaira and it's now my favorite book. I read it two times in a row because it's so good. It begins with an assignment for English class, write a letter to a dead person. Laurel (who's the main character in the book) writes a letter to Kurt Cobain who died young, like her sister May who died. Laurel starts writing more letters to more dead people like River Phoenix, Amy Winehouse and Janis Joplin. She writes about her new high school, her new friends, her first love, her shattered life and how she blames herself for her sisters death.
I can relate to the story in this book, even tho it isn't similar to my story. When I read this book I realized that there are lots of words that I find inspiring and that I relate to. So I bought the same book, wrote down the page numbers with the words and sentences I found inspiring. Then I cut out the pages, highlighted the words and put them all into a frame that's now on my wall. I know you may think I'm such a nerd because I'm talking about a book but I don't care. I love books and reading, especially this book.
There are so many words that I love in this book, but especially these words I'll write now, about being in love.
"There are two most important things in the world - being in danger, and being saved."
"Do you think we go into danger on purpose, so we can get saved?"
"Yes, sometimes. But sometimes the wolf comes down out of the mountains, and you didn't ask for it. You were just trying to take a nap in the foothills."
"But if those are the two most important things, what about being in love?"
"Why do you think that's the most profound thing for a person? It's both at once. When we are in love, we are both completely in danger and completely saved."
When I read that, I thought that it was true, and yes it may be, but then I read this:
"What I told you about saving people isn't true. You might think it is, because you might want someone else to save you, or you might want to save someone so badly. But no one else can save you, not really. Not from yourself. You fall asleep in the foothills, and the wolf comes down from the mountains. And you hope someone will wake you up. Or chase it off. Or shoot it dead. But when you realize that the wolf is inside you, that's when you know. You can't run from it. And no one who loves you can kill the wolf, because it's part of you. They see your face on it. And they won't fire the shot."
When I read this, it hit me. Even if you seem tough, you're afraid, like me, that there is something inside of you that could eat you alive.
No one can save you from yourself. No one can kill the wolf inside you because it's a part of you. You can't kill the wolf inside of you and you can't run from it either. I guess that you just have to learn to live with it.
I know that most of you reading this will just think that this is weird and even ridiculous. But when I read this, it's probably one of the realest things I've ever read. Because I understand it, I get it. And it's okay if you don't understand what I just wrote. I just wanted to write this blog post because I've been thinking about this a lot and I think it was worth sharing.