When I first met her, I had no idea that she would become this important to me and I had no idea I would fall in love with her, but I did.

It’s crazy, that in this messed up world, I found her. I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this girl. I’ve been searching and searching for quotes and poems that could describe the love I have for her, but it’s so difficult to put it into words, but I’m going to try.

It’s like everytime I look at her, I get this peaceful feeling, like this life isn’t as bad as I think it is.

She’s the first thing I think about in the morning when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night before falling asleep, and every moment in between. She’s the moon and all of the stars, that make my nights not so dark, and the sun that keeps me warm.

I love sunsets and stars and flowers but oh God I love her more than anything in this universe. She has her flaws and imperfections just like everybody else, but I still love her so goddamn much.

She deserves all the happiness in this world and I’m trying my very best to give it to her. She deserves good things and I want to be one of those.

I want to give this girl everything that I have. I want to make her laugh with my bad jokes, kiss her and hold her hand in public to show everyone that she’s mine, I want to eat ice cream with her at midnight, look at the star clear sky at night while walking my dog, watch a movie while cuddling and then fall asleep next to her. Then I want to wake up next to her and make her breakfast in bed.

This girl is the happiness in my life and

the reason behind my smile,

She’s like the blood in my veins

the beat in my heart and

the air in my lungs

She keeps me alive and because of her I want to be alive.

She makes me happier than I thought I could be.

I see heaven in her beautiful eyes. Her smile makes my heart melt and her laugh is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. She’s beautiful, gorgeous, smart and absolutely amazing. And I’m so goddamn happy that I get to call her mine.

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I haven't written here in a few weeks. I've been getting some rest. But hey, I’m back! I’m feeling way better than a few weeks ago, few months ago. And I’m stronger and happier now, which is good. During these few weeks I’ve slept and eaten a lot and probably gained some weight, oh well. I’m actually eating chocolate right now, oh well. I’m still pretty confident in my body which is also good. So gaining a pound or two is not so bad, it’s okay. I actually shouldn’t even think about gaining weight because it’s totally okay. Anyway, I’ve been sleeping, eating and I have also done school stuff, read (I have had bad concentration for many weeks so I haven’t read but this week I have started to read again), drinking liters and liters of ice tea (I’m actually drinking it right now haha), getting to know new people, fallen in love, leaved stuff behind, moved on and learned to accept the fact that my life looks like this right now. Right now I have to focus on my health before anything. For once, I have to be my own first priority.

I have some stuff planned out for my blog and I’m excited to share more of my thoughts with you here again after a few weeks. I hope you all are okay, I am okay so don’t worry. I’ll write soon again, *hugs*.



Hey everyone, how are you all?
I'm okay I think. Or maybe I'm not, I don't know. I've recently started to think about what I talk about on this blog and I've now decided to not share too much of my life. I've written so many personal blog posts that I've now unpublished, posts I regret that I have written.
I'm still going to write life updates and stuff but maybe not so much about my personal life. I hope you understand. Thank you for reading my blog, it really means a lot. *hugs*



I push you away

I lie when I say I’m okay

I hope it makes you stay

I don’t want you to worry

I’m so sorry

I’m not good enough

because I’m so messed up

I apologize for that

No one can bring me back

I lost myself years ago

when I decided I want to go

- t.e



Do you ever feel like you’re empty, like you’re too sad to cry. You want to cry but you just can’t.

Recently, these past few weeks, I’ve felt like that. I feel numb. I feel empty. And I don’t know how to fix it. I’m still depressed. I’m not in pain. Or maybe I am in pain but just used to it? I don’t know.

It’s hard to explain. It feels like I’m missing something but I don’t know what that thing is. I’m sad and I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, maybe that’s why I feel so empty.

There’s a lot going on and it feels like I’m losing my mind. I want to get out of my head. No matter how I try to escape my thoughts I just can’t. I’m so messed up. My mind is killing me. I’m getting worse and worse everyday. And I’m not sure what to do.

I just want you to know that I don’t know how much I’ll update on this blog because I’m going through a lot but I’ll write as soon as I feel like it. Don’t be worried about me, I’ll be fine.. eventually.



​I don’t really remember the last time I wrote a life update. But I am writing one now.

A lot has happened this summer and there are some really personal things that I won’t share with you. I’ve been really busy and I’m going through some tough stuff. Let’s just say, I’m getting some rest.

What’s sad is that I had the worst summer break ever. I didn’t do any of the things I wanted to do. But oh well, whatever.

I wish I could tell you more but the stuff that has happened are so personal that I just can’t tell you.

I don’t really know what more to say except that I’ll be okay and no one should be worried.

I hope you all are okay and I hope you all had an amazing summer. *hugs*



I think I've said this a few times, but I fall in love easily. People tell me that I'm so easy to get, and yeah maybe I am and let me tell you why. I fall for a person so incredibly fast. Just a simple text message, eye contact, a smile or a "hi" makes me fall in love. And it hurts. It hurts because people come into my life, become important and then they leave. I get that it's just how life works but every person I've fallen for has left me and it hurts. That's why I'm scared of falling in love. But even though I'm getting used to having a broken heart, it won't stop me from falling in love with people over and over again. I can't stop myself for having feelings for a person.

Some people play with my feelings and it hurts too but I can't really do much about it. I should ignore it when people play with my feelings but it's not easy and I don't know what to do about it. I just want to say that it's not fun when people play with someone's feelings, it's immature and also hurtful, so to the people who like to play with other people's feelings, stop.

Thank you for reading.



I know that you can find it hard to help someone with anxiety and depression, especially if you don't have it yourself. I personally suffer from both anxiety and depression and people around me have found it hard to help me sometimes. When it's late at night and I get really anxious, the people I'm texting don't know how to help me, because they aren't here next to me.

Just the smallest and simplest things can help somehow, for example a hug. I have a few more tips or advice on how to help someone with anxiety and depression, or things that can help me at least when I'm anxious and depressed.

Stay calm. When you're on the phone or in real life, stay calm and speak calmly. Give hugs, they make us feel calm and safe. If you aren't face to face, that you're texting someone who is getting an anxiety attack, talk to them. Do not say "I don't know what to say" because that makes it worse. I know it's hard but try to keep a conversation going. Try and give them advice on what to do when they are anxious. Just talk to them, distract them from their own minds.

How to help a depressed person can be difficult. Especially if you've never experienced depression. But simple things like hugs help. You just need to be there for them. And if you ask them how they are feeling and they say "fine", don't always believe it. I personally say that I'm fine because I don't want people to be worried about me. I don't wanna bother people with my thoughts.

But just be there for people with anxiety and depression. Please do not tell a person with anxiety to "calm down" and a depressed person to "get over it" or stuff like that.

Hopefully this helped someone somehow. 



I can believe that it's difficult to not hurt yourself when you're used to doing it. Personally saying, when I've done it once, I'm addicted. I'm sure some of you can relate. But I've been writing down different things you can do instead of, for example, cutting. I hope this helps.

- Try to focus on a good memory.

- Watch your favorite youtuber or just funny dog videos haha

- Cry if you feel like it

- Do yoga or meditate

- Write down song lyrics that you relate to or write poetry, whatever makes you feel better and more relieved.

- Repeat to yourself "I don't deserve to be hurt" until you believe it.

- Go to the gym, dance, or do any other type of physical activity.

- Paint or draw

- Write your feelings on paper then rip it apart.

- Run your hands under freezing cold water.

- Splash your face with cold water.

- Take a hot shower or a hot bath.

- Write, draw or paint where you want to cut.

- Play any musical instrument

- Doodle on paper or your body.

- Go outside.

- Be around people who you like hanging out with.

- Re-organize your room

- Watch your favorite show or movie

- Use red nail polish and paint on your wrists. (this works best for me at least)

I hope that this helped some of you at least.

You're not a waste of space

You deserve happiness and love

Everything will be okay

You do not deserve pain

You don't deserve to be hurt

You deserve to live

I love you

I'm here for every single one reading this

I'm going through a lot so we'll see when my next life update will come. But I'm okay, so don't worry. I'll write soon again. *hugs*



Things change, people change and that’s just how life works. I find it easier to deal with change, by having an open mind. Be open. Change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, it can turn out to be something good. People in your life are there to teach you something. People change, people come and leave. It can hurt. It most likely will hurt. Things change all the time, even the smallest things change. It can be hard to deal with it, depending what the thing is. I find it pretty easy to deal with change since I’m trying my very best to have an open mind.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Things change, people change and someday you will find out the reason why some people and things changed. Try to think that change is good.

When I think about how I was one year ago, what my life looked like and stuff, it blows my mind what just one year can do to your life. This time last year I would never have guessed that I’d be in this situation. But here I am. I’m going through a lot, lots of changes and it’s sometimes hard to deal with whatever that is going on in my life, but thank God I have people around me who support and help me. To be honest, I’m anxious and scared of what will happen now in the near future. Lots of things are happening and I’m not willing to share it here yet, but someday I will.

I’m scared but this time, the change is good.