​After you die, they say that your brain is still active for the following seven minutes. In those seven minutes, many believe you experience and relive your life over again in some form of an illusion, a kind of dream. People end their lives because the don’t wanna be alive anymore, but maybe it also is because they don’t feel alive. Maybe they do it for that one moment of feeling, relief from the numbness. Maybe it is for those special seven minutes, that for a short time, they have the opportunity to experience those memories once again before they are forever gone.


Yesterday I was outside looking at stars and I hadn’t done it in months. When I laid there under the sky filled with stars, it felt like I was dreaming. For once, I was living in the moment. And I actually felt alive that moment. I started thinking about death somehow. If it is as peaceful as being under a sky filled with stars. I don’t know, yet.


Move your blog to Nouw - now you can import your old blog - Click here

Likes

Comments

Hey everyone. How are you? I hope you’re fine. I’m okay actually.

Yesterday I had the motivation to do math all day and I also did a test that didn’t go so well but it’s okay. Today is a good day and I have had some pretty good days these past few weeks. I've started to enjoy life a little more now which is good. But I have still had some very difficult days. Some days are better, others are worse, or some moments are better, others are worse. I can be incredibly tired at school and still have motivation to do homework, I can have a bad day and still laugh at stuff and I can have a great day even though suicide is on my mind. It’s like, I can have a bad day but there can still be something good in it and I can have a good day but something bad can be in it. Let’s look at it like this, every day is cloudy, some days the sun shines through a little and other days it’s pouring down rain. But it’s always cloudy. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense. It’s just really hard to explain.


If you’ve recently read my blog, you may have read the “haters” blog post. I just wrote that people talk shit about me and blah blah blah. I don’t care that people hate me because as long as I know who I am, no one’s opinions about me matter, right? But it’s sad because now I’ve realized that I don’t have a lot of friends. I do have my two best friends that have been there for me through everything and they love and accept me for who I am. One of my best friends is actually my big brother. He’s not only my brother but a very good friend also. And my other best friend is my soulmate haha. I love her. I thought I had lots of friends but I don’t wanna be around people who hate me. And I’m actually going to move to a new school in a month or so. I’m a little nervous that I’ll get bullied but I’m also excited because I’ll get to know new people. It’s a big step, to move to a new school. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, which is good.

I don’t know what more to write in this blog post. I hope that you all are okay. I’ll write soon again. *hugs*


Likes

Comments

What if I miss the old me? Not who I was before everything began to fall apart, but the person I was when everything was falling apart. What if I miss the depressed and anxious me? I mean, I do want to be happy and right now, I am. I’m feeling better than I did a few months ago. But somehow I miss who I was a few months ago. I guess that when we begin to be happy again, we feel numb because we aren’t in pain anymore. And we feel numb because we feel like we deserve pain. I don’t know. I’m still messed up, but I’m trying to not show it. I don’t wanna fall deeper into this mess I’m in right now. I guess that I just have to keep on going. I’ll be truly okay soon I think. But do I want to be okay? Or do I want to be in pain?

Likes

Comments

I haven't written here in a few weeks. I've been getting some rest. But hey, I’m back! I’m feeling way better than a few weeks ago, few months ago. And I’m stronger and happier now, which is good. During these few weeks I’ve slept and eaten a lot and probably gained some weight, oh well. I’m actually eating chocolate right now, oh well. I’m still pretty confident in my body which is also good. So gaining a pound or two is not so bad, it’s okay. I actually shouldn’t even think about gaining weight because it’s totally okay. Anyway, I’ve been sleeping, eating and I have also done school stuff, read (I have had bad concentration for many weeks so I haven’t read but this week I have started to read again), drinking liters and liters of ice tea (I’m actually drinking it right now haha), getting to know new people, fallen in love, leaved stuff behind, moved on and learned to accept the fact that my life looks like this right now. Right now I have to focus on my health before anything. For once, I have to be my own first priority.


I have some stuff planned out for my blog and I’m excited to share more of my thoughts with you here again after a few weeks. I hope you all are okay, I am okay so don’t worry. I’ll write soon again, *hugs*.


Likes

Comments

Hey everyone, how are you all?
I'm okay I think. Or maybe I'm not, I don't know. I've recently started to think about what I talk about on this blog and I've now decided to not share too much of my life. I've written so many personal blog posts that I've now unpublished, posts I regret that I have written.
I'm still going to write life updates and stuff but maybe not so much about my personal life. I hope you understand. Thank you for reading my blog, it really means a lot. *hugs*

Likes

Comments

I push you away

I lie when I say I’m okay

I hope it makes you stay

I don’t want you to worry

I’m so sorry

I’m not good enough

because I’m so messed up

I apologize for that

No one can bring me back

I lost myself years ago

when I decided I want to go

- t.e

Likes

Comments

Do you ever feel like you’re empty, like you’re too sad to cry. You want to cry but you just can’t.

Recently, these past few weeks, I’ve felt like that. I feel numb. I feel empty. And I don’t know how to fix it. I’m still depressed. I’m not in pain. Or maybe I am in pain but just used to it? I don’t know.

It’s hard to explain. It feels like I’m missing something but I don’t know what that thing is. I’m sad and I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, maybe that’s why I feel so empty.

There’s a lot going on and it feels like I’m losing my mind. I want to get out of my head. No matter how I try to escape my thoughts I just can’t. I’m so messed up. My mind is killing me. I’m getting worse and worse everyday. And I’m not sure what to do.

I just want you to know that I don’t know how much I’ll update on this blog because I’m going through a lot but I’ll write as soon as I feel like it. Don’t be worried about me, I’ll be fine.. eventually.


Likes

Comments

​I don’t really remember the last time I wrote a life update. But I am writing one now.

A lot has happened this summer and there are some really personal things that I won’t share with you. I’ve been really busy and I’m going through some tough stuff. Let’s just say, I’m getting some rest.

What’s sad is that I had the worst summer break ever. I didn’t do any of the things I wanted to do. But oh well, whatever.

I wish I could tell you more but the stuff that has happened are so personal that I just can’t tell you.

I don’t really know what more to say except that I’ll be okay and no one should be worried.


I hope you all are okay and I hope you all had an amazing summer. *hugs*


Likes

Comments

I think I've said this a few times, but I fall in love easily. People tell me that I'm so easy to get, and yeah maybe I am and let me tell you why. I fall for a person so incredibly fast. Just a simple text message, eye contact, a smile or a "hi" makes me fall in love. And it hurts. It hurts because people come into my life, become important and then they leave. I get that it's just how life works but every person I've fallen for has left me and it hurts. That's why I'm scared of falling in love. But even though I'm getting used to having a broken heart, it won't stop me from falling in love with people over and over again. I can't stop myself for having feelings for a person.

Some people play with my feelings and it hurts too but I can't really do much about it. I should ignore it when people play with my feelings but it's not easy and I don't know what to do about it. I just want to say that it's not fun when people play with someone's feelings, it's immature and also hurtful, so to the people who like to play with other people's feelings, stop.


Thank you for reading.

Likes

Comments

I know that you can find it hard to help someone with anxiety and depression, especially if you don't have it yourself. I personally suffer from both anxiety and depression and people around me have found it hard to help me sometimes. When it's late at night and I get really anxious, the people I'm texting don't know how to help me, because they aren't here next to me.

Just the smallest and simplest things can help somehow, for example a hug. I have a few more tips or advice on how to help someone with anxiety and depression, or things that can help me at least when I'm anxious and depressed.

Stay calm. When you're on the phone or in real life, stay calm and speak calmly. Give hugs, they make us feel calm and safe. If you aren't face to face, that you're texting someone who is getting an anxiety attack, talk to them. Do not say "I don't know what to say" because that makes it worse. I know it's hard but try to keep a conversation going. Try and give them advice on what to do when they are anxious. Just talk to them, distract them from their own minds.

How to help a depressed person can be difficult. Especially if you've never experienced depression. But simple things like hugs help. You just need to be there for them. And if you ask them how they are feeling and they say "fine", don't always believe it. I personally say that I'm fine because I don't want people to be worried about me. I don't wanna bother people with my thoughts.

But just be there for people with anxiety and depression. Please do not tell a person with anxiety to "calm down" and a depressed person to "get over it" or stuff like that.

Hopefully this helped someone somehow. 

Likes

Comments