I have been thinking of a lot and it would be a really long post if I wrote everything down, so... that's exactly what I will do... I think....
Haha, so I am as you know, me..No shit! I don't know why I wrote that, I just did..
Okay, so I've been thinking of life really and how I am living it right now and what I do with it. Thoughts like 'Am I living my dream right now?' and 'Am I who I want to be?' keep running through my head, and honestly I don't know the answer to them.
I don't know if I am who I wanna be or if I am living my dream life right now, I don't know if I let my life be controlled by others or if I have decided to live it this way, I don't know if I make the right or wrong choices, I don't know if I am who I am destined to be, I don't know if I am trying to satisfy others more than me, I don't know.
I try so hard to stay grounded and stay focused but with all these thoughts and questions that I ask my self, it's hard -really hard.
It's hard when you don't know who you are, when you don't know if you are the person you want to be, when you don't know if you are living in your dream, when you don't know what to do or what to think, when you don't know what to feel.
It's like I am trying to read a book in Chinese; I can't understand anything I read.
And when someone asks me 'How are you?', I start typing this long reply of how I feel and everything... but I always stop myself before hitting send. I start saying to myself that 'Maybe they don't really wanna know all this, maybe they just want a simple and short one sentence answer and not this long text about how I am and what I am feeling like..' and I always delete the text after that, I never hit send and tell them how I really feel. In the end I just write a short 'I'm good.' or just 'good, what about you?'.
It's not that I don't want to tell people how I am, I am telling you about it right now!
It's about that I feel like I bother people with my problems and that I think to myself that they don't even really care about it, it's about that I feel like a burden to the person that I am telling it to... and yes I feel like that right now...
You guys probably don't even care about this, you guys probably don't care about this post at all.
I just wanted to tell you guys that, even if you don't care and even if you don't think of me as the most amazing person ever...I just wanted to tell you how I truly feel.
If you read all of this, now you know how I truly feel and now you can (If you want) tell me how you truly feel..
See you guys soon.. hopefully.