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jag e pa fiji, vart e ni ?

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28 feb - bangkok - melbourne - fiji - hawaii - San Francisco - swe 12 juli.

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så va det 7 dagar kvar till den sjuka festen :D:D

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vissa e sådana blockmongon

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Water Or Coke ??? Which one is the Real Thing ??? We all know that water is important but youve never seen it written down like this before. WATER 1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.) 2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. 3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down ones metabolism as much as 3%. 4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study. 5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. 6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page. 8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day? COKE 1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days. 3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china. 4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola. 5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. 7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy. 8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield. FOR YOUR INFORMATION: 1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis. 2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials. 3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or Coke?

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A broad incision sits across the evening The victim to our fathers lost war The restless children sit and mourn the graves Of those theyve never seen before Will they be buried here among the dead? In the silent secret The pioneers In dealing with it they march for dawn, of Will and worthy The truth be told the child was born Man your own jackhammer Man your battle stations Well have you dead pretty soon And now Sincerely written from my brothers blood machine Man your battle stations Well have you home pretty soon And now Awake through motion with curiosity to curtain your first move Over arms length theyll break protocol Jealous envy for the youngest one To be the hero is all Ill ask Can I be buried here among the dead? With room to honor me here in the end Youll be better off too soon Youll be better off when you get home For you, Id do anything just to make you happy, hear you tell me that you’re proud of me For them, Ill kill anything cut the throats of babies for them break their hearts for they were them Waiting for you to say: I love you too The navigator The pilot Her favorite The one they call the vision that bears the gift Will, Do the children really understand the things you did to them? And why oh why… Should they conjure up the will for you my love I would kill him were coming home pretty soon Coming home In the seventh turning hour Will the victims shadow fall? Should the irony grow hungry? With the victory and all they sought for We were one among the fence One among the fence Were coming home Man your own jackhammer Man your battle stations Well have you dead pretty soon And now Sincerely written from my brothers blood machine Man your battle stations Well have you home pretty soon tonight

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A train hits a busload of Essex Schoolgirls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger" St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies.."If Im going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"

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A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, its because youre blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, its because youre blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because Im blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, its because youre 25."

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Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJ calls someone at work and asks if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly they both win the prize. DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of Mate Match?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married." DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wifes name? First only please." Brian: "Sarah." DJ: "Is Sarah at work Brian?" Brian: (laughing) "Yes, shes at work." DJ: "Ok, first question - when was the last time you had sex?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!" Brian: "About 8 oclock this morning." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." DJ: "Question 2 - How long did it last?" Brian: "About 10 minutes." DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasnt at stake." Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice." DJ: "Okay. 3rd & final question. Where did you have sex at 8 oclock this morning?" Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..." DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?" Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks....and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: "On the kitchen table." DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times Ive done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wifes work number and call her up. You listen to this." 3 minutes of commercials follow. DJ: "Okay audience, lets call Sarah, shall we?" (touch tones .....ringing...) Clerk:: "Kinkos." DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk:: "This is she." DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now, and Ive been talking with Brian." DJ: "He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or youll lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of Mate Match?" Sarah: "No." DJ: "Good!" Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?" Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest." DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions Sarah. If your answers match Brians answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5days on us. Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work." DJ: "What time?" Sarah: "Around 8 this morning." DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?" Sarah: "12,15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm. Thats close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. Weve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Where did you have it?" Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didnt tell them that, did you?" Brian: "Just tell him, honey." DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?" Sarah: "Well..." DJ: Come on Sarah ..... where did you have it? Sarah: "Up the @rse....." After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

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Deep Thoughts............ If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent? Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If a pit bull humps your leg you’d better fake an orgasm. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re a twat. Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you’ll be right. The easiest way to find something that’s lost is to buy a replacement. How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it’s still there? Why is there only one Monopolies commission? If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already. Guns dont kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? If its zero degrees outside today and its supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic? Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date? Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

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