So yesterday a lot happened and I posted about it yesterday. But anyways my boyfriend said he was going to try to talk to his grandma today(he lives with his grandma) and I think and hope mom will talk to her as well because they fucking can`t forbid us to met because we wil always find a way. Also my sister makes me feel bad and guilty for having a bad mental health because she always says that mom tells her she needs to be kind to be because I kinda am very fragile and anything can break me. And I feel bad because mom tells her to like give me a speciall treatment and my sister get`s pissed at mom and then she gets pissed at me also she is so fucking mean but I don`t she realizes how broken and insecure I am.... well I am thinking of applying for like a family that could adoppt me because I hate my biological family.

XOXO Daintydreaming

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So I remember my measurements at a few places and I have gone up about 2inches everywhere I am freaking out and my mom is kind of forcing me to eat about minimum 3times a day. I have not went without eating for a few months now but the thoughts is still left. I still want to starve, I still think about purging after I have eaten. I have purged like tops 2 times in afew months but I am also eating like a fucking pig. I just wanna get skinny and yes you can tell me that this is the lazy way but damn it I know it is. I just don`t think I can do this anymore also I am always thinking about self harming and I where going to do it yesterday but I can`t find my blades because we are probably gonna move so I don`t know where I put them or if mom found them but if she did she would have told me and freaked out..... so dunno.

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​My boyfriend just said we have to break up because my mom and his grandma doesn`t want us to be together and honestly I am so pissed right now and I am not gonna fucking give up they can`t do this I will always fight for us. I can`t give up and I won`t. I fucking hate this. I`m crying my eyes out and slowly dying inside..... 

Keep on fighting warriors and stay strong.

xoxo Daintydreaming

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So this wednesday my friends told me that my boyfriend told them(he is close friends with one of them) that I won`t be able to come to the islands(he lives on a island) because he thought one of his friends would shoot in his school (that is on the islands) he said he would take care of it by himself and shit so I got like scared that he would get hurt. So I called the police, he was apperently the only one who had this information straight from the guy who wanted to shoot so he said he became like a living target... my mom called his grandma and she told her what has happened and then his grandma said like that mom should keep me at home and mom said like "then we are at the same side so we can collaborate." Apparently his sister told him that she thought we had broken up so I am kinda pissed right now because they can`t decide who I am allowed to like be toghether with even if either of our mental healths is good but we love each other or at least that is what we have toold each other and I hope he means it cuz he has been a fuckboy before so I hope it`s time to turn to the next page and start over for him. Because I don`t want to loose him.... I feel bad that I doubt him which is actually because of how insecure and paranoid I am. Since I had anxiety af last week at wednesday my mom started following with me to school again and I hate it. I honestly hate my mom like she is such a bitch and shit and like oh my god I hate her so much. There is always some drama going on with mom. She`s always trying to make others pitty her and she is like always so annoying like hell and she can fucking NEVER ever say sorry or thank you those words clearly doesn`t exist in her vocabulary. Ps. Also it`s all fixed with the guy wanting to shoot in their school

Stay strong and stay beautiful warriors //Daintydreaming

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I have eaten almost two packs of cookies, one small redbull (blueberry), mac and cheese, pasta and some sauce today. I also drank milk, and some tea with sugar and milk...... hate myself. I am sooooooooooo fucking fat(,ugly and bloated too) I wanna purge sooooooooo fucking bad but my boyfriend might get pissed at me........... also wanna self harm like hell. Well I always want to self harm sooo yahhhh... Everbody stay strong and get better, we can do it together♥

XOXO Daintydreaming

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I relapsed. Last time was 9days ago. when I talked with my boyfriend he said if I self harm he will do it too so idk if I should tell him. He knows about all my mental illnesses and struggles with similar things. I don`t want him to get hurt. He doesn`t get the way this works though because he has hope that I can get better. I am a slave, to my body, my mind and my addictions. I will not get better for a long time if ever. It will take damn long time. But maybe in a few years I might happily say that I am better.

XOXO Daintydreaming

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I hate myself. I am so fucking fat. I promised my boyfriend I would try to get better for him but I honestly dunno. I just wanna starve. I wanna get skinny. He also said that it`s my choice but I don`t want to hurt his feelings. Also I hate myself so damn much because I think he is like hurt that I did not get better when we got toghter because he got better. He has struggled with b/p anorexia, depression and still struggles with anxiety. He got better so I feel guilty that I still feel mad because my life is quite good. I hate myself. Why did this happen to me? Not saying I don`t deserve it. I don`t know what I want in life anymore. The only thing that makes me keep on fighting is my boyfriend.

XOXO Daintydreaming


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So hey to anyone who might see this blog. I just wanna say that do not encurage eating disorders and this is just a place for me to rant. Also a few pictures does not give somone a eating disorder. It`s more of a process. Stay safe and take care.

XOXO Daintydreaming

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