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Since I was probably conceived, it was expected of me to do great things in life - and apparently one of those great things was to spend 40,000$ on a piece of paper that apparently determines my worth.

I know A LOT of people are obsessed with the idea that education is the most important thing in the word, but I personally find this way of thinking very damaging. Do these people pay for their own tuition? Their own rent? Their own food? From personal experience, I can say the majority of people I meet at school do not.

When you're not in a position where you have to actually pay for your education, it's so easy to think that it's the most important thing and judge people who choose a different route.

I have paid my entire school so far, rent, food and etc. I spent 30,000$ on school alone and three years on an education that I don't even know is worth it. To be quite honesty, I have no idea where I'm going or what I want to do, but being a student has always been part of my identity, whether I chose it to be or not.

When I was younger, I was very smart and always at the top of my class. The only problem: I hated school. I still hate school. I hate the idea of having to show up to class, I hate the idea of tests and I hate the stress related to it all. I've always been good in school, but I've never once liked it.

Moving onto now - I had to pave my own way through school and I had to pay for it every step of the way and I honestly just don't want to continue anymore. I have one year left, one year and then I'm done! So why wouldn't I just finish it?

Because I'm so incredibly unhappy. If you look at it from another point of view, I essentially spent my whole life doing something I did not love because society expected it from me. Countless year, countless pennies - all towards something I don't want. So maybe the question should be: why waste another moment doing what you hate to do?

I've pushed myself further than I should have - I've let my mental and physical health suffer more than I should have. I've done so many things I shouldn't have done, for the one thing that everyone told me I "should" do. And I do not for one second think that that's fair.

When I initially dropped all my classes, I felt so relieved but was ultimately convinced to go and re-register for some classes. And now, I'm faced with the same decision again: do I even want to be here?

I felt guilty for not being a student anymore, and I think I interpreted that guilt as me having made a mistake. However, after registering for courses the second time around, I'm starting to think maybe that guilt was just there because of societal pressure, because now I feel like being in school is the mistake now.

I love learning and I do believe knowledge is power - but I don't think school is for everyone.

Regardless, I have a lot of thinking to do. If you're in the same position, I wish you the best of luck and hope you at least found some comfort in this blog post.

✌️


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Now, before anyone bites my head off - #notallkpopfans - but honestly a good majority scare me. I should also preface this by saying that I am an ex-Koreaboo and still a fan of Korean Pop Music (For the moment I will disassociate myself from the term "KPOP Fan" because its meaning has changed for me personally because of this experience)

I recently uploaded a fun video with my friend titled "KPOP HATERS react to EXO's Ko Ko Bop", and before you get "triggered", just know that we were being our fun, dramatic and silly selves in the video. I honestly thought, solely by the way we spoke an acted, that people would understand that we were joking. I guess not. (The video in question has since been made private)


Why was the video titled that way? Simply because my friend has expressed her dislike for KPOP in the past, as seen in the following video. Don't get me wrong, we got hate on this video too, but it wasn't as bad. As for Ko Ko Bop, I honesty wasn't expecting to like the song, because it's rare for me to fall in love with a song right off the bat. For the most part, I need time to listen to a song a few times to appreciate it.

As a "grownup" I have come to accept that people are indeed allowed to have a different music taste compared to mine. It's definitely not like we're saying anything homophobic, sexist or racist - you know, things that actually harm people.

I personally found our video to be quite funny, but then again I do not take myself that seriously - plus my friend is hilarious and at least from my perspective, she is just being silly and joking most of the time.

Jokes were made about Exo and KPOP in general, but if you actually knew us, you'd know that we don't sit around all day just hating on KPOP, and we don't dedicate our lives to disliking Exo. In fact, there are quite a few Exo songs that I actually love. I can't even believe that I have to explain myself. I'm allowed to like Exo and dislike some of their songs.

So why, within the KPOP community, am I not allowed to dislike a song? A lot of people think that you're not a real fan if you express or show any type of critical thinking. To me, that is just plain scary.

I have exercised my rights as a human being to think critically about things, rather than just blindly loving a song because I worship a group. Even when I was deep into my Koreaboo days, I was always the first to express my true opinion on songs. That is the type of thing that makes KPOP fans go crazy - ok, #notallkpopfans, but you get the idea.

Not only is it scary to not be able to express yourself truthfully within a community - the reaction from said community is even scarier. I would say that 99.9% of the people who commented on the video were delusional KPOP fans that took the video way to seriously and took everything we said to heart, even if it wasn't about them.

We said we were ready to be "dragged" in the video because we're aware that those types of KPOP fans exist (We learned from the video posted above) - but what happened was even scarier than I could have ever imagined, and because of this, I had to make the video private.

We'd gotten hate from the BTS video, but this was taken to a whole other level. Holy shit de goddamn.

Freedom of expression seems to be inexistent in the KPOP world that is inhabited by fans who are a bit (lot) too dedicated to their idols and the more I look at this community objectively, the more it looks like a cult. And to be really honest with you - these very fans have tarnished my views on KPOP and the very groups they are trying to "defend". Now when I think of Exo, all I will be able to think about are how their fans (again, #notallexofans) are truly horrible people.

I received comments about my appearance, how I am fat and ugly. I received comments hoping I would choke, comments about being a slut, which honestly makes no sense but we won't get into that. I received so much hate simply because I was joking about someone's "Oppas" and expressed my actual opinion on the song.

Now you can argue that we "asked for it", but I think that's a shit excuse for people to be horrible. Even if we were actually being serious and actually hating on Exo, don't you find these types of comments alarming? Comments calling me fat and ugly suck, and yes it hurts, but I find comments like the following make me feel bad for idols themselves, having delusional people "representing them".

A delusional KPOP fan is someone who loves and worships their idols no matter what they do - they can do no harm and according to their fans, anyone who dislikes their music is to be destroyed - figuratively of course (I mean, I hope at least)

This comment was the last straw, and after reading it I put the video on private. This person was so proud, that they commented the exact same thing with some changes on another one of my videos. That just scared me, since it means said person was clearly stalking my profile and waiting for something to happen.

I'll also point out that they claim I have "bad taste in music", which demonstrates what I was talking about earlier in the post - As a delusional KPOP fan, you truly believe that the music you love is the epitome of amazingness and if you stray from that, you're excluded from the fandom. (Sounds oddly religious, right? Maybe...like a CULT?)

I guess some people don't understand that taste in music actually varies by individual? What a crazy concept! Haha

So my closing statement is the following: People are horrible and I have lost faith in the world. I don't expect to actually change anyone's mind regarding KPOP but I hope to encourage people to think critically about things. It's important for your brainz.

Here is the unlisted video if you're interested in seeing it!

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When it comes to stick and poke tattoos, I am always so thankful for anyone who is willing to let me do one on them. I feel like it takes a lot of trust to poke someone with a needle an ink, creating something permanent on their bodies. (How profound)

Sydney and I were actually hardcore My Chemical Romance fans back in the day, so it was fun to tattoo their song title onto her shin! I'm actually listening to the song as I'm writing this and I'm having killer nostalgic vibes.

I actually owned a My Chemical Romance DVD called ''Life On The Murder Scene" and I would watch it every single night before bed, like I honestly wouldn't miss a night.

I also filmed the process of doing Sydney's tattoo and you can watch that below, and if you're wondering what I used for the tattoo, it was the Stick and Poke Tattoo Kit which can be found here .

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