Since I was probably conceived, it was expected of me to do great things in life - and apparently one of those great things was to spend 40,000$ on a piece of paper that apparently determines my worth.
I know A LOT of people are obsessed with the idea that education is the most important thing in the word, but I personally find this way of thinking very damaging. Do these people pay for their own tuition? Their own rent? Their own food? From personal experience, I can say the majority of people I meet at school do not.
When you're not in a position where you have to actually pay for your education, it's so easy to think that it's the most important thing and judge people who choose a different route.
I have paid my entire school so far, rent, food and etc. I spent 30,000$ on school alone and three years on an education that I don't even know is worth it. To be quite honesty, I have no idea where I'm going or what I want to do, but being a student has always been part of my identity, whether I chose it to be or not.
When I was younger, I was very smart and always at the top of my class. The only problem: I hated school. I still hate school. I hate the idea of having to show up to class, I hate the idea of tests and I hate the stress related to it all. I've always been good in school, but I've never once liked it.
Moving onto now - I had to pave my own way through school and I had to pay for it every step of the way and I honestly just don't want to continue anymore. I have one year left, one year and then I'm done! So why wouldn't I just finish it?
Because I'm so incredibly unhappy. If you look at it from another point of view, I essentially spent my whole life doing something I did not love because society expected it from me. Countless year, countless pennies - all towards something I don't want. So maybe the question should be: why waste another moment doing what you hate to do?
I've pushed myself further than I should have - I've let my mental and physical health suffer more than I should have. I've done so many things I shouldn't have done, for the one thing that everyone told me I "should" do. And I do not for one second think that that's fair.
When I initially dropped all my classes, I felt so relieved but was ultimately convinced to go and re-register for some classes. And now, I'm faced with the same decision again: do I even want to be here?
I felt guilty for not being a student anymore, and I think I interpreted that guilt as me having made a mistake. However, after registering for courses the second time around, I'm starting to think maybe that guilt was just there because of societal pressure, because now I feel like being in school is the mistake now.
I love learning and I do believe knowledge is power - but I don't think school is for everyone.
Regardless, I have a lot of thinking to do. If you're in the same position, I wish you the best of luck and hope you at least found some comfort in this blog post.