I have a tendecy to touch upon deep and maybe even tabu subjects but my philosophy is: once it's out there something happens. People discuss, they compare, think, talk in either a positive or negative way but as long as we break the ice and start to talk about subjects that we are silent about in general we are already making a huge change towards the better.

The following you are about to read is based on personal experiences and nothing more so don't take it as facts but do research and learn more on your own if the subject interests you.

Math class is about to start and the teacher points me towards the chalkboard (early 00's) and asks me to write the correct answer to one of our homework assignments. Bravely I make my way towards the chalkboard. I know this, I can do this. As I slowly pick up the chalk and start to write a sudden panic fills my entire body. What if I'm not correct? I will have to walk back to my seat way back in the class and everyone would laugh, all 25 pairs of eyes staring at me. In my head I quickly come up with a solution: If I refuse to answer because I don't know then maybe I could escape the situation.
-What is taking you so long?
-Umm, I don't know the answer.
-Okay then that's alright, didn't you understand the assignment?
-Not quite.
-What part didn't you understand? I'll help.
-I didn't do it.
-Oh, well I'm afraid I'll have to give you a mark because you didn't do your homework but now go to your seat and do your homework til next time okay?
You may think that this sounds complicated and unneccesary and like a form of self sabotage and yes it is all of that but it is due to a fear of failure.

In my early teen years I would gain back a bit of self confidence and that could be seen as my ability to take risks or rather "rebel against the system". I would never answer test questions in the way you were supposed to do, I wrote own theories and maybe changed the font to something cooler than Times New Roman 12. In art school I experimented with the craziest ideas and in the summertime I would walk everywhere even places were it wasn't socially accepted barefoot. I also had an explosive blog with provocative content. But at the sametime I noticed something among my peers. They had a strong need for belonging a strong need to adapt. They would do exactly as they were supposed to do in any aspect of their lives. And I felt like screaming: Hello?! Are you individuals anymore? But I tried to understand and not to judge their way of living. And when I thought of it more closely it was caused by the exact same fear as my math anxiety: a fear of failure. And both were fears about not fitting into the norm even if no extra outside pressure was put onto us. What did this mean? Well in meant that there was and is unwritten rules in society that everyone wants to obey without relaising it.

When we open our history books we are shook reading about social rules of The Victorian era, how could one survive everyday life with rules like that? First of all that was then and considered normal at the time. Secondly during that historical period the social rules were visible however, in todays world those rules are often invisible. And the worst part of all: you might not even know about a rule before you break it. We should not go back to the customs of The Victorian era but rather take the fact that invisible social rules into consideration.

When should we take this knowledge into consideration then? Society itself is a group and there are different societies and different groups inside a society. Every single group have their own rules it can be anything from dressing a certain way to expecting a group member to behave in a certain way. Groups don't have to be a negative thing it could in fact be very positive and unite similar minded people together but what it doesn't unite is people who for some reason don't fit into the group. And this is were the terrible stuff happens: fear of failure, fear of missing out and even bullying.

So if we go back to the fear of failure. The cause could be internal like being to hard on oneself or it could be caused by external factors such as a pressure to follow unwritten rules of a certain group. However even if a fear of failure could help you in following rules it might take away a personal strive for success and all should be given an equal chance to personal success in life.

One of the most important lesson to learn during your life because mistakes are present in our everyday lives is that it is not a bad think to make mistakes and this cannot be repeated too often it needs to stick and be a part of a persons mindset. Therefore it is not enough to say but also act upon it. Hiding mistakes is both exhausting and time consuming to do, so why not see them as a natural part of life like sleeping, exercising or eating? Mistakes make you work more to get it right the next time and act as a important source of motivation if viewed correctly and that is not failure that is dedication and dedication leads to success. That is the thing about fear of failure, you should understand that not doing things because you're afraid to do them wrong does not lead anywhere. You do not evolve or learn anything new and you will definitely not feel motivated. You should instead be afraid of not making mistakes because that is a sign that you aren't challegened enough. It's a difficult thing to impliment new mindsets and I'm struggling to do it myself but this is also a test because if you want to achieve something you will eventually do so and that my friends is how life works.


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I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who've been thinking about the meaning behind Katy Perry's song "Chained to the rythm". To me it's if the song perfectly describes the existentialist way of thinking. "We think we are free" is a very powerful message that cannot be ignored. Generally speaking we humans feel as though we are working in order to be free. Feeling like freedom is something to achieve instead of already having it. But let me tell you all my fellow wasted zombies out there; we have too much freedom in our own hands that is the great opportunity but also a great problem. When we have too much freedom we need to choose what we are and what we want to do, an existentialist would say that one needs to choose ones purpose in life by themselves. The options to choose from are endless which may cause an existentialistic crisis. By a such crisis I mean that the freedom of choice seems like a too big task to handle for one person only. And if we think about it for one second what do we do when we feel a task is to large for us to handle? We ask for help from others because everything seems more fulfilling and easier together with others. So instead of choosing our own purposes in life we lean towards the mainstream or "the rythm" if you like because it feels safe to be a part of something together with others at least much safer than choosing our own destinies. But when we do this we feel locked inside, like something has taken our freedom, but because living the way everyone does feels so comforting we don't mind putting our "rose colored glasses on and party on". Yet we feel anxious because we still haven't found our purpose in life. Jean - Paul Sartre called it "bad faith".

Now having bad faith is not accepting the absurd. The absurd is the ultimate search for reasons to exist, the search of our essence,our purposes in life. I believe our thought patterns reflect our essence. If we decide to live a happy life we will find ways to be happy because if we decide to be happy we have a direction and purpose in life that we most likely want to achieve and therefore actively pursue. In other words: when we see eye to eye with the life we want we are step by step also creating it. Every person that we by our own standards and the general standards of society consider to be great and successful have once needed to face the exact same truth; if you want something become it, create it and dare to do it for only then and there have you become one with your purpose in life. Now don't get me wrong, your purpose in life doesn't have to be somekind of ultimate greatness it can be what you consider an ordinary life if that is the purpose in life you have.

If you accept all the freedom and the fact that all meaning in your life is brought to it by you then you live authentically as Jean - Paul Sartre described. You may ask, how do I live in such a way how can I end this endless search of reasons and answers and find out what my meaning of life is? When I am faced with questions like this I like to ponder upon something another existentialist philosopher called Albert Camus once said; "The meaning of life is whatever that is preventing you from killing yourself". This could be many different things for many different people. For me personally I really like to question the world, study the human nature and how we respond to different situations but probably the most important purposes for me are writing and teaching making me feel more alive than ordinary everyday life.

As I'm writing this now I've made a choice to do it, I would not have had to but since I found it meaningful to me I did. This is also the meaning behind the fact that I do not update my blog according to some sort of social standards that say you should update at least once a week, if you feel like it then absolutely but that is not the purpose I look for in my writing and thinking.

In the movie Revolutionary road Kate Winslets charachter says "can you see we are just like everyone else" that if something woke me up from me dream. I don't want to end up in a situation were the purpose I thought was my life purpose, ends up not being that so I'd rather spend my life staying true to the own meanings I create than running after something that some may consider great but I don't. No matter if that makes me lonely in my own utopia.


This picture is so mainstream that it feels soothing.



Hate speech is the death of a positive social climate were everyone can work towards their own personal goals and achieve a happier life. Hate speech has no benefits. When spreading hate speech you take that time and energy away from making your own life better and put it into a negative use that hurts others and takes away energy from yourself that you could be using on solving important issues in your own life and on a larger scale. I don't accuse anyone of hate speech but I encourage everyone to never use it and to spread positivity instead. Because positivity takes many different forms and it benefits us all and contributes to a happier and healthier life. Now let's move on to another subject related to this subject; hate speech directed at oneself.

I'm surely not the only one who at times doesn't feel good enough. I and many others (I'm sure) think that they aren't a certain way which makes them feel flawed. They may have painted this picture of what they view to be a perfect person in their head and if they do not meet up with the criteria they start to beat themselves up. This picture doesn't come from nowhersize,,he inner picture we have of ourselves is a product of all of our experiences, our enviroment, media and anything else around us that could shape the way we look at ourselves. We focus on being someone and often that someone isn't us.

I recently came across the TedTalk of my female crush Ashley Graham. Graham is a body activist and she talks to young girls about loving the skin that they are in. Graham is a model and absolutely beautiful both inside and out. In her TedTalk; Plus-size? More like my size, she talks about her experience in the fashion industry and being labelled as "the plus-sized girl with a pretty face". Graham has learned to embrace and love her body and I'm proud of her achievements on both a professional and personal level for it is a process to learn to love yourself. But thanks to people like Ashley Graham young girls now have a rolemodel they can look up to in order to learn to love the skin that they are in.

When I talk of beauty I like to devide it into two categories: what society thinks is beautiful and beauty that lies in the eyes of the beholder. If you feel that you don't fit into the beauty standards of society it doesn't mean that you aren't beautiful. In someones eyes you'll always be viewed as beautiful. So why not also decide to view yourself as a beautiful person? This will boost your confidence and make you even more attractive than you already are. There isn't only one type of beauty around in fact, there are many types of beauty and guess what you belong into one of these types. And if you don't feel beautiful decide today that you'll start to love yourself just the way you are because within you there is something much prettier that outer beauty. Within you lies a unique personality, a person who wants to be loved and to be happy.

It's obviously easier said than done to love yourself, that is. This is why it's important to remember that selflove takes many forms. Selflove can be taking care of yourself by taking care of your own basic needs, to accept yourself and the fact that strech marks and cellulite may be a part of your body even if you exercise daily, selflove could be posting realistic pictures of oneself without retouching them and encouraging others to do the same, selflove can be the same thing as doing things you love and removing toxic relationships from your life. Learning more about yourself and appreciating your body for what it can do is also a form of selflove. I hope that you'll find a form of selflove that suits you best. You might start to notice small things about yourself that you think are pretty perfect as they are, for example nicely shaped shoulders or beautiful eyes. You should use these moments and highlight your favorite features, draw attention to your eyes with the help of make up or wear a shirt that shows off your shoulders. But remember not to rely on things like clothes and make up in order to feel pretty, use them as a way to rediscover your own natural beauty. View them as a tool that helps you out in the process of selflove.

Now write a contract to yourself were you promise to love yourself no matter what, make it official, spread the selflove! ❤ :

I ..........
Promise to love myself, embrace my body and accept the way I am in through both good and bad.


You are worthy, not because you graduated, not because you lost weight, not because you've been an active member of society. These achievements are important and you should be proud of whatever goals and tasks you accomplish during your life but the point is that you do not need to do stuff in order to feel worthy, you are worthy now because you are you. Nobody I repeat nobody is 100% perfect or 100% imperfect, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and you are worthy because of those. You are unique. If that isn't beautiful then what is?

Love, Rebecka

Is there a better time for practicing selflove than the summertime? How to beachbody: Have a body & go to the beach.



Here I am at the beginning of the first summer of my adulthood. All spring I've been concentrating on my studies at uni, philosophically observing society, looking after a job (that has not yet been found when I'm writing this but I'll continue to search, a 20 yo. without a job is bascially a story that can't be written, studying costs and can't be made possible without money even though I've learned how to strech that 20) and sharing all of my "great ideas" and nervous breakdowns with my nearest and dearest. All I can think of now is how a year could go by so fast and that I for some reason need to be sitting somewhere out there in nature sipping on some Riesling and looking at the pale blue sky through a new pair of sunglasses and wonder how I managed to survive a year in my life almost on my own.

For starters I have a more laid back attitude towards studying than I've probably ever had in my life.Yes I do feel stressed out and overwhelmed at times but I feel like I get stuff more easily done nowadays, I just get it done without thinking to much when or how I should start working with it like I used to do back in high school.

The only thing regarding studying at uni that really bothers me is the fact that I rarely get to write freely about my own experiences and opinions or if I do I must have somekind of reference to what I'm saying. The one thing I miss the most from being in high school is being able to write poetic and philosophical papers about nearly anything. I quoted great minds and added my 3am ideas in to my paper and it felt more like a text written strait from my heart. So what I do nowadays is that I carry a bullet journal or some other notebook with me to capture and develop that side of my learning process called creative self expression. Otherwise I might loose it and if I loose grip of life I become such a isolated philosopher that is extremly difficult to deal with.

This year has also been a year of exploring who I really am at a core level. Which principles do I follow, what is my shadow side and how to manage that in everyday life and also working on improving my own selfimage so that it would become.. how should I put this.. more realistic? Like I've mentioned in some of my previous blog posts I have a tendency to put other people on a pedestal which can be a wonderful thing but in my case it has made me see myself as someone who should be more like the people I admire and less like the person I actually am. Now however I've accepted that I am a certain way and I can't be something I'm not or magically become a totally different person.

One of the most difficult things for me was to accept my introvertedness, I've always wanted to be more outgoing but the fact is I've tried to push myself to the limits but I always hit a wall at a certain point.

I'm very thankful for all of the lessons this school year has taught me and I'll continue to learn everyday. Being in touch with my innerself again has made me realise my role as a student in her school and as a student in her own life. I might not always get perfect grades but as long as I learn something it's all worth the effort.

Have a great summer filled with incredible and memorable moments! Remember to take some risks and be spontaneous from time to time, you stop living a little when you don't take risks.




I love it when people post pictures of themselves on social media. Firstly it's needed to point out that to some it isn't as easy as you would think. There are people out there who aren't happy with the way they look no matter how many times they've been told to be beautiful. Maybe that one negative comment has been stuck with them for many years now and they need those extra filters in order to feel more secure about themselves. Then thing is that as long as we try to cover up our flaws everyone will do the same and we stay in this bad cycle together feeling unhappy about ourselves.

The last couple of months have been kind of ground breaking for because I can yet again feel my own inner strength and self worth. I can't even count how many years I've been working on my self esteem and it really seemed like a never ending story. I guess it all began in ballet class. I was 5 years old, I stared at my baby fat in the mirror and came to the conclusion that I certainly didn't look like a professional dancer and my moves weren't that great either. However I decided not to give up because I really enjoyed the classical music played to us during practice and the opportunity to talk to other like minded people. Then I started art school and I came to the conclusion that art would play an important part of my entire life, my way of thinking and surprisingly; my body image. During art class everybody was considered beautiful and self portraits were celebrated.

Then came a day nobody should ever have to experience. I was at a sports camp during summer break when I was about 9 years old and a guy I barely knew came up to me. I smiled thinking he wanted to be my friend. Instead he looked me right into my eyes and told me in front of my friends: You're ugly. I tried to ignore that comment then not realising that it would stay with me right into adulthood. Because he said it with such an intense look of almost anger in his eyes I soon developed a fear of rejection. Now he wasn't the first or last person to say something bad about me and I understand that negative comments are a part of life but this situation made me wonder what I had done in order to recieve such a comment? I thought to myself that I had been myself and there must be something wrong with being yourself and maybe I should start to listen to other people's comments more. Turned out to be that people mostly commented on the one feature I'd always been happy with: my eyes. Slowly but surely I began to replace my own thoughts with theirs and that happy 5 year old who talked to everyone about anything was replaced by a soon to be teenager who was afraid to look people in the eyes. Art came to the rescue. First I thought: If I can't be beautiful, I will make something beautiful. Then I begun to think: I should concentrate on being beautiful on the inside.

It was a wonderful time for me to concentrate on being beautiful inside. I started to value things like reading and wisdom and met some inspiring people along the way. I once again felt like I wanted to keep conversations going with others. I prefered smaller groups but I least I talked because if I hadn't, I hadn't been were I am today. Even if I was happy I couldn't ignore the fact that I still wasn't happy about my looks. I didn't hate myself but I didn't feel comfortable within myself either.

A few weeks ago I was able to say to myself that I look okay. It felt so weird, after all these years. I've also begun not to apologize for being who I am. It feels incredible to finally be at a point in life were I can actually respect myself as the person I am.

Like I said in the very beginning; post selfies, celebrate who you are and show off your interest it takes a lot of courage to be proud of oneself and how you look. I understand that it might be difficult to post pictures of yourself that are showing the real you, I'm definitely not there yet. Let's make the internet a place to cecelebrate all kinds of beauty.

I'm pretty damn sure that you are beautiful in your own way. The thing with beauty is that it wouldn't exist in the same way it does right now if we all would be the same kind of flawless person. Beauty to me lies in the uniqueness of a person.

I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm strarting to forgive, let go and feel strong once again. Join the club, life is much brighter this way!


Beauty in its purest form, nature.



Hope you'll all having a wonderful sunday morning! I felt like discussing philosophy first thing in the morning today so here we go.. Make sure to let me know if you would like me to write more about my favorite philosophers. Oh and one more thing! I'm not in any way qualified to do this but I think therefore I am, also I know that I know nothing. No jokes about Nietzsche's mustache, not today. I want to stop philosophizing but I Kant.

When in Paris during a high school trip back in 2015 I walked in the footsteps and experienced France like the great impressionist painter Claude Monet. At that time my interest in philosophy grew endlessly. And oh how my mind wondered as I walked past cafe's were Sartre once sat and would let his mind wonder. At that time I mostly read Hind Swaraj and quoted Mahatma Gandhi on facebook and in essays but that was all about to change when I first found "The school of life" and started to learn about each philosopher one at a time. Next thing I knew I was reading Candide. But most importantly, I found myself some thoughts that I felt connected to. Those thoughts were presented by Socrates, Kierkegaard, Seneca and Sartre. And because my interest towards philosophy grew big in Paris we will start this journey of thoughts there as well.

The world is an absurd place Sartre thought. He wrote about a man who suddenly wondered why a seat was used as a seat and suddenly existing felt pretty odd, due to the understanding that it's us who give meaning to things, situations, people and most importantly life itself. Sartre was something called and existentialist and so am I. Existentialist are a bit of rebels because we believe that the meaning of life is given by the individual itself and that the world itself is meaningless unless we as individuals give it a meaning.

Now if we are thinking about giving meaning to ones own life we are faced with a sense of freedom that might even seem terrifying. This freedom of choosing ones meaning of life could also be described as the anguish of existence as Sartre calls it. We are free to break free from anything at any moment. Anything is possible and there are plenty of options to choose from.

We should not life in what Sartre describes as "bad faith". We often think that things have to be a certain way and we have to for example work for a certain amount of hours each day. Buy certain products or worry about money. According to existentialism however nothing needs to be a certain way. Things just are and we give them their meaning as we go along our own journey of life.

How are you suppose to deal with this freedom of giving meaning to your own life? There is no wrong or right answer to this question, simply do what feels right for you. I sometimes have those moments when I sit at my desk writing on my computer and I wondered why I'm sitting on a chair made of plastic which is made out of oil and at a desk that is made of tree that could be growing untouched by humans in a forrest instead. But the thing is that other people gave these things a meaning and I'm here to find out if I want to give these things the same meaning as everyone else. I'd rather work on the floor, I also prefer to sit on the floor rather than on a chair because I have given my floor a certain meaning in my life.

Well then what is the meaning of life? According to existentialism and my own experiences I would simply answer: Living. Because when you live life to it's fullest with your own terms and conditions you give your own meaning to it as you go on living. So no I would not answer 42, sorry.




There is a subject I think about almost every single hour of my life: stories and to be more specific; people's lifestories. I don't like to categorize things too much (and that might also explain why I am a very messy person) but when I think of people, strangers in particular I think of books.If someone asks me if I believe in friendship or love at first sight, I answer; I believe in friendship and love at second sight. Let me explain what I have in mind.

When you first meet someone it is like spotting a book at your local bookstore for the first time. You might be able to see certain things about that person for example the way they dress and how they behave in social situations. But it isn't until after the first hello that you discover what that person may be like as you get to know them a bit during the conversation. The first conversation with them is like reading the back of a book. You now know something but at the sametime you know pretty little about that person. As you read the back cover of a book you may discover if you want to continue reading it or not. Let's face it, not even the worlds greatest bookworm would enjoy every single book. As you have that first conversation with a stranger you get a first impression of them but try not to shape your picture of them by only using this first impression. The first impression= back cover of a book. Get to know the story, then you know for sure. There are way too many books left unread and people who haven't had the chance to share their story with anyone.

Some people can be read like an open book and some are like diaries, they keep their secrets locked inside. But no matter what the book is like the story inside it is of great value in it's own way. Some are proud protagonists of their own lives, exactly like it should be. Others feel like their lifestory was written by someone else, everything seems to happen for a reason and they feel like their somehow trapped in a certain way of living. Someone is very careful with their words,others may talk a lot but still find it difficult to express their emotions.Everyone also has their own cultural background and own personal interests = genre of their story.

This is why writers "people watch" and observe their environment. Writers find beginnings to stories everywhere, but since it's a creative process they invent their own story about a specific person instead of talking to them and finding out what their story really is. So if you want to learn new things about people, then try to have those conversations with them. Remember that communication isn't only limited to talking. If you want to listen to your inner thoughts then write that lifestory you invented but you will not learn about others by doing that as you write you learn more about yourself.

One question remains, would you read a book and give its story a chance even if you didn't quite like what was written on the back cover? (start a conversation with someone who didn't give the best possible first impression)


I look at flowers at night even if they can't grow without light.



Hello to all of my fellow human beings and other magical creatures of the universe!

It's January an I feel sick again. Maybe I got it from the airplane. Maybe I got it because it's suddenly hard core winter with minus degrees and everything or maybe I got it because my fluffy jacket isn't fluffy enough. Anyways I bought new pants (wow) cause I never seem to find myself any pants, even back when my BMI was 18 I couldn't find pants that actually looked okay on my body, I always ended up buying something k but felt terrible when I had to wear those pants day in and day out. But now I found a pair of pants that aren't shorts but that I actually love to wear, goals. I also bought dark chocolate because I'm a chocoholic, I'm about to have my period and in my opinion dark chocolate tastes the best, especially when you curl up in your chair and think about why people make new years resolutions which happens to be a very interesting thing to talk and think about.

My 2K16 was a year of very high highs and low lows but not until now have I actually realised how much I've experienced. There are 3 things that changed me n my life during the year.

1. Graduating high school

Yes I graduated the same year as Trump got elected as president and great personas died, Brexit...a terrible year for the world but graduation is graduation, it's a really special day. I remember being more nervous than ever but afterwards thinking that everything turned out just fine. I felt highly educated and I partyed really hard that night still feeling drunk in the morning trying not to wake up the rest of the family and I remember that I needed to take of my heels in the middle of the dancefloor and then walk barefoot trying to avoid pieces of glas from champagne bottles and cigarettes on the ground. But the feeling of having accomplished something great, a huge milestone in my life and to be able to celebrate it with family and friends made me realise that I have a lot of people around me who I love and that I can actually accomplish things in life that I'm not actually only a basketcase who listens to nirvana and writes philosophical texts. Great. And I held a speech together with many others and it really felt like it came right from the heart. University awaits I thought and a looong summer break.

2. Moving in to an apartment of my own

It was early August it was also my 19th bday and I moved in to my own apartment. First it felt odd suddenly I found myself in a new city with new people and ... new places to explore. Living alone has changed me the most I think, I now know that I really am an independent woman who can take care of herself. As an introvert this was also a dream come true, now I have my oasis of calm were I can watch Freaks and Geeks, cook vegeterian food and read in peace. I also live quite close to the city center.

3. Realising I'm not a super woman after all and that's totally fine.

Yup. I kinda hit a wall during 2016, but who didn't right? I had a mental breakdown and realised my own limits and finally understood that if I push myself to hard I'll break. I also noticed that if I'll come close to a breaking point I get really annoying to my nearest and dearest and feel really sorry for myself and sometimes even isolate myself from other people. So I learned my lesson now, I've finally learned to say no, to listen to my own needs and rest without constantly overthinking. Better late than never,but I lost a couple of years off my life to basically just feeling sorry for myself which sucks but I can only blame myself for it. I keep a diary now and I track down my progress. Maybe I'm beginning to grow up now, I do hope so then again I don't want my inner child to die.

What are your thoughts about last year based on your own experiences?

Have a great 2017!

Ps. How on earth is it already the 15th of january? Note to readers: this blogpost was written in the beginning of the month but for some reason it never got posted.



She walks around with love in her eyes. Sits down on a bench covered in snow. "Soft like a pillow she whispers" but the sea and it's creatures aren't able to hear it because everything is frozen except for her heart which is warmer than ever. She knows that if she sits there long enough the christmas lights will be turned on. She closes her eyes and hopes to fall asleep and wake up at Christmas Eve. -Don't you just think it's stressful to celebrate Christmas again! Felt like it was yesterday? an old women passing by shouts. -Is it Christmas Eve yet? The girl wonders and opens her eyes to discover a lot of presents in front of her eyes. -Who are all of these for, someone must have been really good this year! -Well there's a present for uncle Jimmie, uncle Stephen, my husband, the chairman of my knitting club, my neighbour, our cat Snowie, my cousins and my husbands brothers, our kids Allie and Billie our grandson... -Wow that's.. a lot of people. The girl sees a pair of tired eyes covered with reading glasses,behind green and red wrapping paper, ribbons and stocking fillers. -And yet nobody helps you carry all of these presents? -No, because I've done it alone every year, why would I suddenly need help? I might look old but I'm still a child inside. -I might look young but I'm old inside, the girl answers. The old and the young lady laugh together. -So you've found my worrying bench young lady, is something wrong sweetie? -No dear old lady, to me this is a happy place, I come here everytime I feel extremly happy.
-Well I could use some of that happiness dear child, might want to share it with me?
- Of course! I'm happy because today I understood that Christmas is peace instead of stress. Christmas arrives in your heart when you sit back and wait for it to come. People rush around looking for christmas spirit in huge malls on black friday when all you need to do is lit a candle at home and gather all your nearest and dearest.
-I understand. You've found the spirit of Christmas young lady. You see I often forget that I do not need to rush, Christmas comes every year without me stressing out.
-mmhmm, did you visit many stores?
-Hahaa, well you see I don't need to. We make everything ourselves.
-You make everything?
-Why, that's like double the amount of stress?
-Someone has to do it, I made you those gloves with my own two hands, I can still see that you've got small hands.
-What do you mean?
Suddenly the girl wakes up to the sound of a strong wind around her. "I thought it was real, but now it feels like a dream". It's suddenly got dark and someone has turned on the lightswitch because the stars shine almost as bright as the christmas lights all around the park. The ground in front of the girl isn't filled with presents anymore. A little Christmas card in light brown paper layed on the ground. The girl reached out for the card and felt the tention fill her hand as she grabbed it. "I thought I'd already met all of the elfs but apparently I've found one more. -Ms. Claus."