I love it when people post pictures of themselves on social media. Firstly it's needed to point out that to some it isn't as easy as you would think. There are people out there who aren't happy with the way they look no matter how many times they've been told to be beautiful. Maybe that one negative comment has been stuck with them for many years now and they need those extra filters in order to feel more secure about themselves. Then thing is that as long as we try to cover up our flaws everyone will do the same and we stay in this bad cycle together feeling unhappy about ourselves.

The last couple of months have been kind of ground breaking for because I can yet again feel my own inner strength and self worth. I can't even count how many years I've been working on my self esteem and it really seemed like a never ending story. I guess it all began in ballet class. I was 5 years old, I stared at my baby fat in the mirror and came to the conclusion that I certainly didn't look like a professional dancer and my moves weren't that great either. However I decided not to give up because I really enjoyed the classical music played to us during practice and the opportunity to talk to other like minded people. Then I started art school and I came to the conclusion that art would play an important part of my entire life, my way of thinking and surprisingly; my body image. During art class everybody was considered beautiful and self portraits were celebrated.

Then came a day nobody should ever have to experience. I was at a sports camp during summer break when I was about 9 years old and a guy I barely knew came up to me. I smiled thinking he wanted to be my friend. Instead he looked me right into my eyes and told me in front of my friends: You're ugly. I tried to ignore that comment then not realising that it would stay with me right into adulthood. Because he said it with such an intense look of almost anger in his eyes I soon developed a fear of rejection. Now he wasn't the first or last person to say something bad about me and I understand that negative comments are a part of life but this situation made me wonder what I had done in order to recieve such a comment? I thought to myself that I had been myself and there must be something wrong with being yourself and maybe I should start to listen to other people's comments more. Turned out to be that people mostly commented on the one feature I'd always been happy with: my eyes. Slowly but surely I began to replace my own thoughts with theirs and that happy 5 year old who talked to everyone about anything was replaced by a soon to be teenager who was afraid to look people in the eyes. Art came to the rescue. First I thought: If I can't be beautiful, I will make something beautiful. Then I begun to think: I should concentrate on being beautiful on the inside.

It was a wonderful time for me to concentrate on being beautiful inside. I started to value things like reading and wisdom and met some inspiring people along the way. I once again felt like I wanted to keep conversations going with others. I prefered smaller groups but I least I talked because if I hadn't, I hadn't been were I am today. Even if I was happy I couldn't ignore the fact that I still wasn't happy about my looks. I didn't hate myself but I didn't feel comfortable within myself either.

A few weeks ago I was able to say to myself that I look okay. It felt so weird, after all these years. I've also begun not to apologize for being who I am. It feels incredible to finally be at a point in life were I can actually respect myself as the person I am.

Like I said in the very beginning; post selfies, celebrate who you are and show off your interest it takes a lot of courage to be proud of oneself and how you look. I understand that it might be difficult to post pictures of yourself that are showing the real you, I'm definitely not there yet. Let's make the internet a place to cecelebrate all kinds of beauty.

I'm pretty damn sure that you are beautiful in your own way. The thing with beauty is that it wouldn't exist in the same way it does right now if we all would be the same kind of flawless person. Beauty to me lies in the uniqueness of a person.

I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm strarting to forgive, let go and feel strong once again. Join the club, life is much brighter this way!


Beauty in its purest form, nature.

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Hope you'll all having a wonderful sunday morning! I felt like discussing philosophy first thing in the morning today so here we go.. Make sure to let me know if you would like me to write more about my favorite philosophers. Oh and one more thing! I'm not in any way qualified to do this but I think therefore I am, also I know that I know nothing. No jokes about Nietzsche's mustache, not today. I want to stop philosophizing but I Kant.

When in Paris during a high school trip back in 2015 I walked in the footsteps and experienced France like the great impressionist painter Claude Monet. At that time my interest in philosophy grew endlessly. And oh how my mind wondered as I walked past cafe's were Sartre once sat and would let his mind wonder. At that time I mostly read Hind Swaraj and quoted Mahatma Gandhi on facebook and in essays but that was all about to change when I first found "The school of life" and started to learn about each philosopher one at a time. Next thing I knew I was reading Candide. But most importantly, I found myself some thoughts that I felt connected to. Those thoughts were presented by Socrates, Kierkegaard, Seneca and Sartre. And because my interest towards philosophy grew big in Paris we will start this journey of thoughts there as well.

The world is an absurd place Sartre thought. He wrote about a man who suddenly wondered why a seat was used as a seat and suddenly existing felt pretty odd, due to the understanding that it's us who give meaning to things, situations, people and most importantly life itself. Sartre was something called and existentialist and so am I. Existentialist are a bit of rebels because we believe that the meaning of life is given by the individual itself and that the world itself is meaningless unless we as individuals give it a meaning.

Now if we are thinking about giving meaning to ones own life we are faced with a sense of freedom that might even seem terrifying. This freedom of choosing ones meaning of life could also be described as the anguish of existence as Sartre calls it. We are free to break free from anything at any moment. Anything is possible and there are plenty of options to choose from.

We should not life in what Sartre describes as "bad faith". We often think that things have to be a certain way and we have to for example work for a certain amount of hours each day. Buy certain products or worry about money. According to existentialism however nothing needs to be a certain way. Things just are and we give them their meaning as we go along our own journey of life.

How are you suppose to deal with this freedom of giving meaning to your own life? There is no wrong or right answer to this question, simply do what feels right for you. I sometimes have those moments when I sit at my desk writing on my computer and I wondered why I'm sitting on a chair made of plastic which is made out of oil and at a desk that is made of tree that could be growing untouched by humans in a forrest instead. But the thing is that other people gave these things a meaning and I'm here to find out if I want to give these things the same meaning as everyone else. I'd rather work on the floor, I also prefer to sit on the floor rather than on a chair because I have given my floor a certain meaning in my life.

Well then what is the meaning of life? According to existentialism and my own experiences I would simply answer: Living. Because when you live life to it's fullest with your own terms and conditions you give your own meaning to it as you go on living. So no I would not answer 42, sorry.




There is a subject I think about almost every single hour of my life: stories and to be more specific; people's lifestories. I don't like to categorize things too much (and that might also explain why I am a very messy person) but when I think of people, strangers in particular I think of books.If someone asks me if I believe in friendship or love at first sight, I answer; I believe in friendship and love at second sight. Let me explain what I have in mind.

When you first meet someone it is like spotting a book at your local bookstore for the first time. You might be able to see certain things about that person for example the way they dress and how they behave in social situations. But it isn't until after the first hello that you discover what that person may be like as you get to know them a bit during the conversation. The first conversation with them is like reading the back of a book. You now know something but at the sametime you know pretty little about that person. As you read the back cover of a book you may discover if you want to continue reading it or not. Let's face it, not even the worlds greatest bookworm would enjoy every single book. As you have that first conversation with a stranger you get a first impression of them but try not to shape your picture of them by only using this first impression. The first impression= back cover of a book. Get to know the story, then you know for sure. There are way too many books left unread and people who haven't had the chance to share their story with anyone.

Some people can be read like an open book and some are like diaries, they keep their secrets locked inside. But no matter what the book is like the story inside it is of great value in it's own way. Some are proud protagonists of their own lives, exactly like it should be. Others feel like their lifestory was written by someone else, everything seems to happen for a reason and they feel like their somehow trapped in a certain way of living. Someone is very careful with their words,others may talk a lot but still find it difficult to express their emotions.Everyone also has their own cultural background and own personal interests = genre of their story.

This is why writers "people watch" and observe their environment. Writers find beginnings to stories everywhere, but since it's a creative process they invent their own story about a specific person instead of talking to them and finding out what their story really is. So if you want to learn new things about people, then try to have those conversations with them. Remember that communication isn't only limited to talking. If you want to listen to your inner thoughts then write that lifestory you invented but you will not learn about others by doing that as you write you learn more about yourself.

One question remains, would you read a book and give its story a chance even if you didn't quite like what was written on the back cover? (start a conversation with someone who didn't give the best possible first impression)


I look at flowers at night even if they can't grow without light.



Hello to all of my fellow human beings and other magical creatures of the universe!

It's January an I feel sick again. Maybe I got it from the airplane. Maybe I got it because it's suddenly hard core winter with minus degrees and everything or maybe I got it because my fluffy jacket isn't fluffy enough. Anyways I bought new pants (wow) cause I never seem to find myself any pants, even back when my BMI was 18 I couldn't find pants that actually looked okay on my body, I always ended up buying something k but felt terrible when I had to wear those pants day in and day out. But now I found a pair of pants that aren't shorts but that I actually love to wear, goals. I also bought dark chocolate because I'm a chocoholic, I'm about to have my period and in my opinion dark chocolate tastes the best, especially when you curl up in your chair and think about why people make new years resolutions which happens to be a very interesting thing to talk and think about.

My 2K16 was a year of very high highs and low lows but not until now have I actually realised how much I've experienced. There are 3 things that changed me n my life during the year.

1. Graduating high school

Yes I graduated the same year as Trump got elected as president and great personas died, Brexit...a terrible year for the world but graduation is graduation, it's a really special day. I remember being more nervous than ever but afterwards thinking that everything turned out just fine. I felt highly educated and I partyed really hard that night still feeling drunk in the morning trying not to wake up the rest of the family and I remember that I needed to take of my heels in the middle of the dancefloor and then walk barefoot trying to avoid pieces of glas from champagne bottles and cigarettes on the ground. But the feeling of having accomplished something great, a huge milestone in my life and to be able to celebrate it with family and friends made me realise that I have a lot of people around me who I love and that I can actually accomplish things in life that I'm not actually only a basketcase who listens to nirvana and writes philosophical texts. Great. And I held a speech together with many others and it really felt like it came right from the heart. University awaits I thought and a looong summer break.

2. Moving in to an apartment of my own

It was early August it was also my 19th bday and I moved in to my own apartment. First it felt odd suddenly I found myself in a new city with new people and ... new places to explore. Living alone has changed me the most I think, I now know that I really am an independent woman who can take care of herself. As an introvert this was also a dream come true, now I have my oasis of calm were I can watch Freaks and Geeks, cook vegeterian food and read in peace. I also live quite close to the city center.

3. Realising I'm not a super woman after all and that's totally fine.

Yup. I kinda hit a wall during 2016, but who didn't right? I had a mental breakdown and realised my own limits and finally understood that if I push myself to hard I'll break. I also noticed that if I'll come close to a breaking point I get really annoying to my nearest and dearest and feel really sorry for myself and sometimes even isolate myself from other people. So I learned my lesson now, I've finally learned to say no, to listen to my own needs and rest without constantly overthinking. Better late than never,but I lost a couple of years off my life to basically just feeling sorry for myself which sucks but I can only blame myself for it. I keep a diary now and I track down my progress. Maybe I'm beginning to grow up now, I do hope so then again I don't want my inner child to die.

What are your thoughts about last year based on your own experiences?

Have a great 2017!

Ps. How on earth is it already the 15th of january? Note to readers: this blogpost was written in the beginning of the month but for some reason it never got posted.



She walks around with love in her eyes. Sits down on a bench covered in snow. "Soft like a pillow she whispers" but the sea and it's creatures aren't able to hear it because everything is frozen except for her heart which is warmer than ever. She knows that if she sits there long enough the christmas lights will be turned on. She closes her eyes and hopes to fall asleep and wake up at Christmas Eve. -Don't you just think it's stressful to celebrate Christmas again! Felt like it was yesterday? an old women passing by shouts. -Is it Christmas Eve yet? The girl wonders and opens her eyes to discover a lot of presents in front of her eyes. -Who are all of these for, someone must have been really good this year! -Well there's a present for uncle Jimmie, uncle Stephen, my husband, the chairman of my knitting club, my neighbour, our cat Snowie, my cousins and my husbands brothers, our kids Allie and Billie our grandson... -Wow that's.. a lot of people. The girl sees a pair of tired eyes covered with reading glasses,behind green and red wrapping paper, ribbons and stocking fillers. -And yet nobody helps you carry all of these presents? -No, because I've done it alone every year, why would I suddenly need help? I might look old but I'm still a child inside. -I might look young but I'm old inside, the girl answers. The old and the young lady laugh together. -So you've found my worrying bench young lady, is something wrong sweetie? -No dear old lady, to me this is a happy place, I come here everytime I feel extremly happy.
-Well I could use some of that happiness dear child, might want to share it with me?
- Of course! I'm happy because today I understood that Christmas is peace instead of stress. Christmas arrives in your heart when you sit back and wait for it to come. People rush around looking for christmas spirit in huge malls on black friday when all you need to do is lit a candle at home and gather all your nearest and dearest.
-I understand. You've found the spirit of Christmas young lady. You see I often forget that I do not need to rush, Christmas comes every year without me stressing out.
-mmhmm, did you visit many stores?
-Hahaa, well you see I don't need to. We make everything ourselves.
-You make everything?
-Why, that's like double the amount of stress?
-Someone has to do it, I made you those gloves with my own two hands, I can still see that you've got small hands.
-What do you mean?
Suddenly the girl wakes up to the sound of a strong wind around her. "I thought it was real, but now it feels like a dream". It's suddenly got dark and someone has turned on the lightswitch because the stars shine almost as bright as the christmas lights all around the park. The ground in front of the girl isn't filled with presents anymore. A little Christmas card in light brown paper layed on the ground. The girl reached out for the card and felt the tention fill her hand as she grabbed it. "I thought I'd already met all of the elfs but apparently I've found one more. -Ms. Claus."



I practiced writing long before anything else. At the age of 5 I wanted to be able to write my own books. Those books were mainly pictures and a few words but it didn't matter back then as long as I was able to create something I was a happy child. If my imagination wasn't used in someway I would feel as though my imaginary world was real. Some things I couldn't yet explain by writing, so I decided to draw until I could explain it with words.

In school I learned the act of creating magic with the help of a pen and paper. Nothing felt better. I devoted an entire notebook to practicing how to write words correctly. I told my friends stories and showed them how stairs could be a mountain to climb and everytime I visited a relative I gave them one of my drawings because I showed love by giving a person something, by giving them a story.

In fifth grade I was told that my handwriting couldn't be read by anyone. I started improving it, I decided to make it soft and unique. But that comment hurt me deeply at that time so, I turned away from writing for a while and concentrated on painting again. I painted almost carelessly, I wanted to be free and my paintings brought it to light. But in the fourth grade we wrote a lot. I remember how I wondered why some students had difficulties in knowing were to start. -I don't know what to write about! they shouted. The stories came to me somehow from nowhere and I was always finnished before class ended but I still continued on writing my story to perfection at home.

My teenage years were difficult. I isolated myself from people and was afraid to speak with anyone in fear of failure. I was afraid of failure and myself. So writing became a way to communicate feelings and stories from the real world. I wrote deep and dark poems about feeling like an outsider, hiding from oneself and pretending to be something else than herself. Writing saved me and brought light into my personal darkness. My handwriting also started to improve and I found a new method of creating stories; walking while listening to music, the themes of the music I listened to brought stories to life. I also read a lot during this period in order to get myself together, educate myself and find inspiration. And I got an idea for a novel but I wasn't ready to write it quite yet.

Upper secondary school started. I started to know myself a bit better. I realised that history and arts were my passions. In order to learn in school I wrote status updates on facebook about the subjects I were studying at the time. I wrote about physics, biology and praticed my language skills. I begun to learn how to take notes, doodle and make mindmaps during class. I also always carried a notebook for sudden ideas with me. One day however, I had somehow forgotten it at home so I used my phone instead and there has been no going back, whenever I get inspired I write my idea on my phone. Some people think I write a lot of textmessages but the truth is that most of the time I typed something on my phone it was either to google something I was interested in or to write down a poem on my phone. Writing became a 247 process that I couldn't live or study without.

I felt shy when people borrowed my notes at times because I wasn't sure if my handwriting was pretty enough. Suddenly many people around me complimented it and I realised I now had a unique and soft handwriting I once dreamed of. I had been writing so much that it had gotten better over the years. But one schooltrip to France brought up my unlimited love for writing once again. The words came to me one by one as I was walking by the Seine and that summer I wrote my first draft to my first ever novel (hasn't been published yet, isn't quite done yet).

Not only had I improved my handwriting, I had also improved my writing speed which I noticed during the marticulation exam in one of my favorite subjects philosophy, I wrote over 40 pages in 6 hours. Believe me or not but I did it and that is the only special talent I have, so I'm proud of it.

What I want for Christmas isn't a perfect relationship or expensive gifts. I want to find plenty of new writing ideas under the Christmas tree and maybe also a trainticket to this exact moment, because I always tend to think about the past and the future instead of the present.

Have a great week!




this is me, a picture of someone who is an INFP, ignore the text this is a SC about being nerdy

So, recently I've been pretty interested in the Myers-Briggs test. I've done the test many times but I've never really researched about my personality type until now ofc. I came to the conclusion that even though I'm not sure if everyone fits perfectly into one of the 16 personality types I feel a real connection towards mine and it describes... well pretty much everything in my life ever. Which is why I decided that it would be fun to describe what it feels to be a quiet explorer like me. So here it goes my version of "signs you're an INFP".

Reading the same book the 10th time and/or rewatching movies and tv-series

Everyone does this no matter which personality type they have but we INFP's do it for a specific reason; we have a special emotional connection with some characters and somewhere deep inside I still hope that Gatsby wouldn't die and that he would finally live his dream life with Daisy but then again that would ruin the story which is exactly why I read it all over again and create new endings to it inside my head. And who doesn't smell the snow like Lorelai Gilmore and who didn't fall in love with Neal from Freaks and Geeks or watch X-files because Mulder and Scully? I don't know but I did all of these things and I still do them occasionally.

The "my plant has a name and so does my notebook"

There is this odd thing with INFP's and objects because we honestly treat them like living things, it sounds so creepy but it's actually kinda cute. I call my fridge Mrs. Empty cause it's cute and girly but often empty. But when you have to pick which pen to write with so that you don't write with the same pen and hurt the other pencils feelings, well then it feels creepy and annoying ... and I go "wait, why am I even doing this, am I that lonely?!!"

Getting random ideas but still planning how and when to do them for ages

This is something I experience a few times a week. It often starts right in the morning with a thought like "I should get fancy breakfast today" or even "I should dress up in only patterns today". After a while it feels like the best idea ever and then all of a sudden you can't decide wheter or not you should actually do it and eventually you'll end up crying on the floor because you can't decide.

Living inside your head

As introverts INFP's have a rich and complicated inner life and they tend to think about everything in a way more optimistic and romantic way than life actually is. I've often found myself thinking it was a bad day but my thoughts saved me from it.Ozzy Osbourne understands this and all of us dreamers now connect even if we dream our lives away.

I understand is your motto

Me and my friends discuss, what do I say "I understand". because I do, end of story.

The sudden nerd moments

We find a new subject to research pretty much all the time and after that no stone is left unturned. Every single little article that exists about that subject is read and every YouTube video and documentary is seen until Trivial Pursuit is yet again won buy an INFP. Also writing tests, man I love it...

Organized to be unorganized

INFP's are on top of their shit even if we live in a creative mess all the time, somehow we still manage to be at the right place in the right time without going through our emails every hour.

When philosophy strikes

There the INFP sits stairing at a lamp when you try to connect with them and next thing you know a deep facebook status will be posted and maybe also a picture of their lamp that made them think of the sun which made them think of life on earth which made them think of Michael Jackson which made them think of their lives because they too live on earth and listen to MJ. Poor friends of INFP's try to stay strong, soon they will start to laugh at their own bad jokes...

Travel mode

Depends on the INFP but when travel mode comes their either already on the plane, exploring their local park because their wallet really didn't feel like traveling that day or planning the next possible trip.

The "I don't even know how I look"

There you stand all dressed up and ready to go and your INFP friend isn't wearing casual plus because they were too busy thinking about that lamp. Then the next time you guys are going out their wearing everything fancy they've ever owned even if it is a casual chill out at a friends place. The no make up look is also popular among these I don't care about my looks but if I want to it shows type of people.

This is the end of a written selfroast, hope you've had a great day so far!




Monday: Had a meeting via Skype and did some school work at home. Mainly felt excited for the upcoming US presidential election 2016. Coffee and sleep, a loot of both.

Tuesday: Election day!!! Stayed up all night with the help of coffee and pizza.

Wednesday: Went to school having slept 0 hours but it felt okay. Rest of the day: crying over Trump and liking every Clinton related post on social media.

Thursday: A little party never killed nobody. And in the middle of the night it started snowing and I loved that feeling.

Friday: I visited one of my bestfriends and we had a great time together enjoying beer & pizza, listening to some excellent music and enjoying each others company.

Saturday: Me and my friend had yet another great day of window shopping, taking artsy pictures and eating sushi.

Sunday: Taking it easy at my friends place. Discussions about meditation, paranomal phenomenon and past life regressions.



Sometimes you do something different compared to your usual everyday routine and you suddenly realise that you can spend your time in many different ways. My realistic morning routine would usually be hitting the snooze button a few times, barely being able to get up from bed (I've never had a bed as comfortable as this one, funny because this is my "study apartment" even my bed back home isn't this comfy, okay enough said about my bed) then I'll have some breakfast nothing special and of course coffee or tea and then somehow someway I cheer up and start to feel more energetic as a new day is about to start. This morning however seemed very different from other mornings, right in the very start of it as I woke up.

November 1st. Should I feel more christmassy now? Funny thing, I felt more christmassy during the entire October than on this morning. Instead of listening to the new Xmas playlist of mine I felt like listening to Coldplay instead and the soundtrack to "The Great Gatsby". And I woke up earlier than I needed to. I could actually enjoy my coffee in peace and admire the great weather outside this already seemed like pure everyday luxury to me. But then the magic happened; I decided to take a morning walk,me out of all people?! The crispy weather felt refreshing and I didn't have the need to rush to get to a lecture in time. I walked and walked and walked and thought about what all great things that were to come this upcoming month and I promised my self not to think of anything that could potentially stress me out. Walking turned out to be a relaxing activity form that suited me well.

The sky looked pretty grey but it still looked beautiful in my eyes because I was enjoying the moment to it's fullest. It probably sounds weird to read me describe one single moment in life that might not sound particulary exciting but the truth is that I experienced such an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I was shocked. It basically felt like Thanksgiving if I were to describe it. Suddenly I felt thankful for everything. Thankful for being healthy, being able to study, having amazing and supporting friends, a loving family and first and foremost thankful for experiencing a moment like this.

Now, some may say that this feeling was caused by the coffee I had because coffee often gives you that feeling of good energy filling your entire body in just a few minutes time. But it could not possibly be the coffee because I drink it almost every single day, it isn't a special treat, which I'm also thankful for by the way.

November had a great start although it's only starting so we must be realistic and not set our hopes too high, although I feel that daydreaming is one of the best ways to relax during the month of November which usually tends to be quite a hectic month filled with plenty of exciting stuff to do. I wish you all a great month of November and hope you'll have time to relax even though you've might got a lot to do. But now I probably should be going because I'm sitting in the most comfortable chair ever writing this when I really should be doing something else.

Hello November, be a good one!