I love it when people post pictures of themselves on social media. Firstly it's needed to point out that to some it isn't as easy as you would think. There are people out there who aren't happy with the way they look no matter how many times they've been told to be beautiful. Maybe that one negative comment has been stuck with them for many years now and they need those extra filters in order to feel more secure about themselves. Then thing is that as long as we try to cover up our flaws everyone will do the same and we stay in this bad cycle together feeling unhappy about ourselves.
The last couple of months have been kind of ground breaking for because I can yet again feel my own inner strength and self worth. I can't even count how many years I've been working on my self esteem and it really seemed like a never ending story. I guess it all began in ballet class. I was 5 years old, I stared at my baby fat in the mirror and came to the conclusion that I certainly didn't look like a professional dancer and my moves weren't that great either. However I decided not to give up because I really enjoyed the classical music played to us during practice and the opportunity to talk to other like minded people. Then I started art school and I came to the conclusion that art would play an important part of my entire life, my way of thinking and surprisingly; my body image. During art class everybody was considered beautiful and self portraits were celebrated.
Then came a day nobody should ever have to experience. I was at a sports camp during summer break when I was about 9 years old and a guy I barely knew came up to me. I smiled thinking he wanted to be my friend. Instead he looked me right into my eyes and told me in front of my friends: You're ugly. I tried to ignore that comment then not realising that it would stay with me right into adulthood. Because he said it with such an intense look of almost anger in his eyes I soon developed a fear of rejection. Now he wasn't the first or last person to say something bad about me and I understand that negative comments are a part of life but this situation made me wonder what I had done in order to recieve such a comment? I thought to myself that I had been myself and there must be something wrong with being yourself and maybe I should start to listen to other people's comments more. Turned out to be that people mostly commented on the one feature I'd always been happy with: my eyes. Slowly but surely I began to replace my own thoughts with theirs and that happy 5 year old who talked to everyone about anything was replaced by a soon to be teenager who was afraid to look people in the eyes. Art came to the rescue. First I thought: If I can't be beautiful, I will make something beautiful. Then I begun to think: I should concentrate on being beautiful on the inside.
It was a wonderful time for me to concentrate on being beautiful inside. I started to value things like reading and wisdom and met some inspiring people along the way. I once again felt like I wanted to keep conversations going with others. I prefered smaller groups but I least I talked because if I hadn't, I hadn't been were I am today. Even if I was happy I couldn't ignore the fact that I still wasn't happy about my looks. I didn't hate myself but I didn't feel comfortable within myself either.
A few weeks ago I was able to say to myself that I look okay. It felt so weird, after all these years. I've also begun not to apologize for being who I am. It feels incredible to finally be at a point in life were I can actually respect myself as the person I am.
Like I said in the very beginning; post selfies, celebrate who you are and show off your interest it takes a lot of courage to be proud of oneself and how you look. I understand that it might be difficult to post pictures of yourself that are showing the real you, I'm definitely not there yet. Let's make the internet a place to cecelebrate all kinds of beauty.
I'm pretty damn sure that you are beautiful in your own way. The thing with beauty is that it wouldn't exist in the same way it does right now if we all would be the same kind of flawless person. Beauty to me lies in the uniqueness of a person.
I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm strarting to forgive, let go and feel strong once again. Join the club, life is much brighter this way!
Beauty in its purest form, nature.