Looks like the devil on my shoulder took control. I was good until my usual 8 o'clock when I realized I was going to be the most unhappy person in the world for all eternity unless I got stoned. Lots of feelings are coming through my mind and body. But I have realized, am I really going to be able to do this on my own. Or am I going to fail. Do I need rehab? Do I need professional help other then drug counselling? Am I going to be able to be successful in eliminating something that causes more stress than relieves. I need to just do this once and for all. I know I can, Iam just being stubborn, Iam just being selfish and only thinking about what I want not what ashley wants.
The only time I don't know what I want in life is when I'm stressed cause I can't get high. Something in my mind switches. Something dark, that prioritized marijuana before all. Which is very very sad. The moment I cut the shit out, will be the moment I can show myself that I have the POWER. "Whats the point of fighting iwhen you don't have fight in you"
My effort has been so shitty... Day 1s final thoughts. Today has been a failure. Somewhere in my mind told me it's Monday and it's a fresh start tomorrow. So today doesn't matter and fuck everything I should stand for. Enough is a fuckin Nuff. Sick and tired of this get a grip of yourself man! I promise myself and this blog lol that I'm a sober person till we have a baby! Then I could smoke here and there if I desire. But I'll be way more intelligent so it'll be alright. I GOT THIS!