​It always took months till me and Mark met with each other. So this meeting happened two days ago. We decided to watch a movie together. Nothing went as planned though. I was on a meeting with work earlier which was longer than planned. I was to meet him at eight in the evening at a cocktail bar. But as the meeting took longer than expected he had to sit down and drink alone. What we just had to do was to meet outside the cinema. While waiting for him I took a beer as I wasn´t sure how this night would be. He came to the cinema really fast, so I didn´t had so much time to endure my beer. But we met, hugged (awkwardly) and went in to buy us some tickets for the movie we were going to watch. Luckily enough there were to seats left, but unlucky as we were nothing besides each other. So we ended up watching something else. Something spanish, the littlest drama and sex. 

This was the most boring movie I have ever watched - I can´t even remember the title. But we held each others hand, we kissed and gave massages to each others hands. The movie ended, we kept on to a bar around the corner, orderer two beers and sat out. Here we talked for an hour, we were making out. But for me this wasn´t just making out. there was something making out with him. there was a feeling with him. Something I´ve never had with my boyfriend.

We drank up our beer and went out for a walk. We were now going home. Coming home with him was very tempting, but as I had my boyfriend waiting for me at home with a late night dinner, I couldn´t. So we stood outside, waiting for his tram to come, we were making out, talked, held each others hand, looked at each other faces. If you were there, this would be so much different. You would have to experience it yourself to understand. It was romantic. It was a romance I never have with my boyfriend. The way we kissed, the way he held my hand, the way he hugged and held around me. It felt so much different. It was as if he was my boyfriend. For me it feels like something like these always happen when you are in a relationship. So these couple of days I have only been thinking of him, thinking of meeting him. I want to tell him what I feel, I want to know what he wants and where he wants to go with this we are doing. I wanna know what I can do. 

But this is the last chapter about Mark for now. Whenever I will have something about him it will go under Confession - Mark

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​Months later again, Me and Mark decided to meet, unfortunately I chickened out. So I cancelled. I felt bad. I feel bad for what I have been doing to both Mark and my boyfriend. Mark knows I have a boyfriend though, so to be honest - I don´t really know what he wants from me. But as I cancelled the meeting we decided to meet each other again, this time after work. We went to a restaurant closing at 1 am -  so we had a little time before the closing. Here we ordered some food and wine for wine tasting. We had fun, we kissed - but then my phone rang. My boyfriend called me a couple of times, so I had to answer. Went out, talked to him and I chickened out towards Mark. So I went in, faked my sadness and told him a lie. I leid to him about leaving as my boyfriend went through an accident. He was in the hospital right now. 

I felt really bad leaving him alone in the restaurant for an another guy he knows I am in a relationship with. I went straight home after this. Pretended like nothing ever happened. Like I wasn´t out meeting someone else than my boyfriend. 

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​So, here is another section about The Mark. After the summer party - we were talking through snapchat as I felt I couldn´t speak to him through messages. We talked a bit, we met each other at events and whenever we both were out with our separate friends. We then decided to meet together, have some wine a couple of months after the summer party. If I remember i correctly - we went to a winebar. He was to learn me about wines, the taste and so on. And I was to learn him to speak norwegian. He was already good at it, we just needed to fix up the pronunciation. We orderer some wine, we tasted, we learned and we kissed. Everytime I kiss Mark, there is always something special to it. Well, I feel so. This was a cold winter night, so later on when we were to go home I started freezing. We stood outside by the parking lot for taxi - kissing, saying goodbye and borrowing me his hat. I was while standing with him deciding wether to come home with him or not. As my boyfriend was at home waiting for me, i couldn´t. I had to get home.. So we said our good byes - or until then. 

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Well.. Here goes my very first confession. Summer last year I attended a summer party which was held by a wine supplier. Here I met guy I already met through a former colleague. We sat, talked and flirted with each other. I was in a relationship with my current boyfriend back then. So after the summer party a bunch of us went to a bar, of course where my boyfriend worked at. Me and this guy, lets call him Mark. So me and Mark went to an another floor from where the others were. Here we started talking about everything, we started kissing and.... we started doing stuff we shouldn´t. Do I feel bad? Yes. Do I regret? No. Why I don´t regret, I never understood back then. But now as I have been with my current boyfriend for over a year - I understand. And this will be confessed another day. 

A guy working at the bar, came up - very silent as he was we never noticed him. If he ever saw what we were doing, then he haven´t told my boyfriend yet as I haven´t heard anything. This story about Mark, goes further forward than what I have written till now. So - if you want to know the rest, hold on for a couple of days. 

JS

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​I have never been good at blogging. I´ve always had some breaks in between. Why, I´m not sure - maybe I´ve just never been into telling about my everyday life. Maybe I just need to be anonymous for me to be able to keep on writing. And maybe writing about everything I have back in my thoughts might help me alot getting back to writing. It may also help me write all about the problems. I won't have to be alone with all these thoughts. I just hope I will be good enough hiding this, and also good enough logging off - so my boyfriend will never find out. Most of my confessions will probably be more about how I feel in my relationship, how my thoughts are about this. And some of the may be pretty harsh.

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