The past few months have been hard, for more reasons than one ..
1. I got a job, which is amazing. I felt (and still feel) great about it, even if it's not the most glamorous job ever, I still feel good about getting it. The problem is the hours. I don't only work everything from five to eleven hours a day, (and in July I had a lot of long eleven hour days, usually in a row) but I also commute for about two hours everyday. It's not the best feeling in the world knowing you're off work at 10, but won't be home until past midnight because of the train times.
2. I'm exhausted. Mostly because of the job. I worked too much in July but it was okay while I was doing it. It was fine, but when I came out of it in the end of the month I crashed. I couldn't sleep no matter how tired I was and I would usually dream about being at the restaurant, working and multiple times I would do things like putting my hair up or getting up and walk to the kitchen in my sleep. It's been hard to find a good sleeping pattern.
3. I don't have any free time, or so it feels like. I don't have time or energy for anything anymore. I don't have time to see my friends or family. No time to read (except on the train but I don't always have the energy for even that), watch movies or write. Well, okay, I have started to bring my notepad with me to work incase I have time before or after to actually get a few words down. And the few days off I have, it's is hard to actually balance everything, because one part of me wants to hang out with people, and see my friends and family, while another wants to stay inside with my sweatpants on and watching Netflix all day.
4. It actually, sometimes, fee like people don't actually want to see my anymore. Okay, let me explain this: during the month of July, because I worked so much I didn't have time for a social life really. I tried but I was always too tired and not really in mood to talked to anyone after a eleven hour long day at work, so I just stopped contacting people. The problem is that I'm usually the one who start the conversation with people, so when I stopped, I just didn't talk to anyone. I would feel horrible, and my anxiety didn't make things better, and speaking of anxiety ...
5. My anxiety has been horrible. I've been even more easily effected by things, I've had attacks on my train home and I've just haven't been feeling good. Not saying that it's always awful but I can't say that it's been more good than bad.
I'm currently in a state where I don't really care anymore. I go to work, go home, eat, sleep and go back. I'm too tired to care about who I talk to during the day, and I'm too tired to be sad. I know that I'll be working less during August, and I know that I'll feel better in time, when I get in a better rutin, but right now: all I want to do is sleep.