Hi everyone. It's been quite a while in here. I hope you all had a great Christmas with your loved ones and a great happy new year. Let me tell you a little bit of 2014 and 2015. So many good and bad things happened. So many painful and ugly moments yet so many beautiful things. My life truly took a 360 degree turn. I met a lot of new people who soon became a part of my life and my friends but also lost many others at the same time. My relationship that lasted for about 10 years ended but God sure had a plan for me, I found my soulmate. I had the chance of trying new work places and by doing that I gained more experience. I explored so many new things about life and I grew so much as a person.

I began too see my life in a whole new perspective. Many of my days was filled with anxiety, worries and angst and that stole away my happiness. I wanted to give up trying to fix every broken piece in me but thanks to God who gave me strenght who lifted me up in my darkest hour I pushed myself up again and I began to put all my worries and my trust in God, who really helped me through everything hard in my life.

I am blessed with all the people in my life right now, they believed in me and they helped me along the way. My cousin she believed in me she was there for me and she pushed me everytime I felt like giving up and she still do that. She is a blessing in my life and I thank God for her and for my family and friends. Through God's help and for sending me these wonderful people in my life I can say that I saw a bright light in the dark and that pushed me to fight and get up again.

Life was starting to work out beautifully and the last puzzle was falling into place when suddenly my dad passed away. My world was quickly falling apart. I was experiencing more emotions in one year than I had ever felt in my lifetime. I could not seem to make sense of anything that was happening in my life. I lost my parent, my hero, and my teacher. I thought a lot about death and dying. I still had plenty of questions, but nobody to answer them. And they certainly weren't fun questions.

So I learned things on my own, great big things that I couldn't have understood any other way. I learned the importance of telling people that you love them. Don't ever let them wonder how you feel. Of all the things I regret, missing the chance to say "I love you" will never be one of them. But, I got through it, and now I look back at all the moments in my life when I felt like I couldn’t go on and smile on them because they've made me strong and they were raw. Life is raw, real and will make you feel every emotion and that is okay.

So, looking back to 2015, who would've known that someone I now love I might never had thought about then, someone else is in God's care and not with us in this world. But I know for sure that I will keep on replacing doubt with faith, fear with courage and sight with vision.

For 2016 I will not make any resolution I will only put up goals that I want to achieve. It's a new year, a new blessing, I am here for a reason, I am alive and in good health so I am gonna make the best of it. I am given another chance at life and I am so thankful to God for that. It's going to be a life changing year for me. I am looking forward to all the up's and down's, all the daily bumps of this year because I know I will overcome anything. Bury your past, let flowers grow where they lay.

#2016 Who's with me?


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Finally got too spend some funny time with these little two munchkins of mine. ❤

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He was not a perfect man, he had a great many flaws and a great many demons that often got the best of him and it left me pretty messed up for much of my life. But I also remember a man who was generous and incredibly charismatic. He could listen to you like you were the only person in the world, and like what you said actually mattered. Who fought for the underdog. Who loved arguing for work and twisting other people's words to make his own point stronger (GUESS WHO INHERITED THAT), and who I think would've been incredibly proud of my writing now if he'd ever read it. Who promised me the world and occasionally delivered the best he could of it.

I remember the man who used to say "yel3an abouke kalb" when I got on his last nerve and he would just laugh it off seconds later. I remember the man who always said "No matter how old you grow, you will always be my strong little girl in my eyes". I remember the man who got me my first rollerbaldes on my birthday even if he wasn't there to play with me. I remember the man who got me excited every single time he came to visit when I was a little girl but broke my heart every time I had to say goodbye year after year before he continued driving away.

My dad and I had a very special bond who wasn't always expressed verbally, we had a closeness deep in our hearts that no one could ever replace. For many years I couldn't understand how he sometimes made decisions and how he thought about different things and that made me so angry with him but as I got to know him more and more I began too see that I was a mini copy of him and I now understand how and why he said and did things that others couldn't even understand.

I am so grateful to God for giving me all these years to get to know my dad all over again. No matter what happened and no matter how many times things went wrong at the end of the day I knew it was out of love even though I didn't agree with everything he said I know he did out of love. You will always be the greatest man in my life no other man can and will ever replace you dad, you were my first love, there's no one who can compare to you. I may find my prince someday but you will always be my King.

My father is a man like no other. He gave me life, nurtured me, taught me, dressed me, fought for me, held me, shouted at me, kissed me, but most importantly he loved me unconditionally. There are not enough words I can say to describe just how important my father was to me, and what a powerful influence he continues to be everyday of my life.

I miss you with every heartbeat and with every breath that I take, your memory will always live on and you are forever missed and loved.

I LOVE YOU DAD.

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In the making with the best Albin Loán and Scott Millien.

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I can see it in your eyes as I'm stumbling home You're living with a man that you no longer know You forgot to smile, as I passed you by Now we're sitting down for dinner we got nothing to say It's like I am watching you slowly slipping away Remember when I used to make you laugh? And every joke was better than the last? Tell me how to bring you back to this Maybe I just need to reminice, and work it out What happened to perfect? What happened to us? We used to be worth it We never gave up It wasn't on purpose But hurts like it was Nobody deserves this What happened to perfect? If you left me baby where would you go? I can't imagine you ever being alone I am a jealous man, But I'll try to understand So many things to say, I don't know where to start I can't pick up the pieces of a crumbling heart Remember when I used to make you laugh? And every joke was better than the last? Tell me how to bring you back to this Maybe I just need to reminice, and work it out What happened to perfect? What happened to us? We used to be worth it We never gave up It wasn't on purpose But hurts like it was Nobody deserves this What happened to perfect? What happened to perfect? What's under the surface? It used to be love Would you call if you heard this? Would you know it was us? It wasn't on purpose But hurts like it was Nobody deserves this What happened to perfect? Nobody deserves this I can see it in your eyes as I'm stumbling home You're living with a man you no longer know You forgot to smile.

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Stop waiting for it to make sense. Stop using that as an excuse to leave the door open. When they show you that you're not important, believe them and close that door.

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