Ok so in about three hours I am going to the hair salon to get my hair fucking cut. I have not been to the hair salon for one and a half year now. So my hair has just been growing like hell. The only thing I've done is that I have "trimmed" or what ever you call it, the very ends of my hair myself. But that's just like one cm or so. So as you probably can imagine my hair looks like complete shit. Like honestly it looks like a mess. A horrible mess ugh! So finally I got my lazy ass to call and book a time at the salon. When I was calling I asked for the earliest time that they had, and they were like "hmm tomorrow we have a time".. and I was just like "I'LL TAKE IT".

Because honestly, this hair needs a new fresh fucking haircut because oh lord it looks like shit.

The funny, or funny and funny, I don't know, but the thing is that I haven't told my best friend this yet and I haven't told my mom or my sister or anyone. No one knows that I am getting a haircut. So it's kind of funny because I did this exact same thing a year and a half ago when I cut my hair. You know I didn't tell anyone about it and just showed up in school with short hair and everyone was like O.O but they liked it tho obviously. How ever I am not this type who is keeping everything to myself like this. But I just feel like getting a haircut is something that is so silly to tell everyone else about. Or I don't know how to explain it. I don't even know how to explain it in Swedish and therefore it gets extremely difficult for me to say it in english. But like, I just feel like it is one of these things that people deep down just simply don't give a shit about you know.

But my best friend and I are going to one of the biggest shopping places around tomorrow and when she sees me she is going to freak out hahaha. But it's going to be fun tho, to see her reaction and everything.

How ever this haircut, I don't even know how I want to cut my hair. I just know I want it waaaay shorter. Because short hair is kind of my "thing". You know ever since I was little I have always had (and preferred) short hair. I remember that overtime my mom cut our hair (me and my sisters) my sister wanted to keep her hair long but I wanted it to be short to my shoulders. So then my mom cut it that way. I have always been liking my hair more when it's short though. And in between now when it's been growing for over a year and a half I just feel like it's disgusting.

Because my hair has this weird like texture to it, it's as if I have dyed my hair once a day almost, very frizzy and almost like "plastic", but at the same time very thick. And every time I let my hair grow out like this it always turn out this way. Super frizzy, super thick and not in a good condition. But when my hair is shorter, it just naturally becomes better. It gets lighter (obviously), fresher, shinier and not frizzy at all. So that's probably one of the reasons why I like short hair so much too. But like I said, I have always preferred short hair. So honestly, I really don't understand why I just let my hair grow this much in-between my haircuts because I really need to cut it more often and keep it nice and in a good length.

Enough said about my fucking hair. But, next time I'll update this blog, my hair will be shorter.

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​It was such a long time ago since I wrote something here now. But life has been busy. I've done (literally) everything that you possibly could do, or that's what it feels like. For example, in an hour I will have to go to my second job and work till 20.00. Which is pretty late and I really don't feel like doing so, but you know, I'll earn some money and for that reason I am happy about it. You know my second job is actually a job I haven't told that many people that I have. I work at a amusement park, serving food and shit. Or shit, no it's obviously not shit. And today there is supposed to be a concert at 8 a clock, which my friend is going to. 

She wanted me to come to the concert as well but I don't know. You see, I get to see the concert for free just because I work in the park. But still, I am not sure I want to watch it because 1) it's not going to be my kind of music 2) I am not going to see a shit since I have to work till 8 when the concert starts 3) I am going to be tired as fuck when I quit, so the last thing that I would want to do would be to watch a concert. Still though, my friend is asking me to come as well because she really wants me too, but I am not sure. 

One thing that really sucks about this job is the time that you work. Like, for example, I work different times every single day and to me - that is annoying. Because I would rather work the same amount of hours every day instead of having to check my schedule every single day. But no. And the payment is shit as well. Of course I am not going to write it out here, but like, you can just imagine. It's not good at all. And another problem with working is that I miss one guy so much more. You know I miss him every single day, but when I am at work I miss him even more. He really makes me so happy, honestly. 

So when I am at work I just can't stop thinking about all of the things that I could do instead. But life is life and sometimes it sucks. But I like to think that if you have had a shitty one so far, it all will be better. Some people believe in it, and some just doesn't, what matters is if you will give up to easy or not. 

And for the record I have started to drink tea, I KNOW WTF. I have never liked tea or coffee (still don't like coffee), but the other day my throat hurt so bad and I was feeling sick, so I was like, no you know what, I am going to drink some tea because from what I have heard, it is supposed to be good. And the first time tea really tasted like shit. It really was horrible, but now, after a few cups of tea, it's actually really good. Believe it or not. 

I honestly don't know why I am writing a blog in english. But I suppose I just feel like it. 

Now I have to prepare myself for work. Lets see what I decide to do tonight. Do I wanna see concert? or not? 



Good morning!

Today I decided to write something in the morning. I haven't really done that before so I thought why not. This morning though, I actually have a class (or period or what ever you call it) in a few minuets. But I really didn't feel like going to that class so I called in sick. I think I'm going to my other classes today though, because i have pretty much this week in school. Assignments and tests that I have to study for, which is nor especially fun. Also, next week, I have a job interview to attend. And I'm not going to lie here on my blog, but I'm scared as hell.

Now I have to prepare myself and maybe find something to eat. Normally I don't eat in the mornings because I'm not hungry, but I think I'm going to eat something today at least.

Maybe write here later, bye



Ok, so this post is going to be like an update of my life. I know that I haven't been active here lately but, like everyone else, I surely have my excuses. Not going to explain that further now, I think it could be better to make a specifik post about that here on the blog some time to come.

Today I've been with my absolute best friend of mine. When we hangout I just simply forget all my problems. It might sound crazy or negative, like forgetting all of my problems might not be the best, but I can assure you that it is a relief for me. Everyday I walk around, worrying about things I shouldn't worry about. Everyday I feel bad because of a lot of things. But when my best friend and i hangout, I just simply forget about all of those bad things. And it's such a relief to be honest. We talked about everything between heaven and earth and we watched Scary Movie 3. Like I just have to say this, but to be honest, Scary Movie 3 (specifically the third one) is the best fucking movie ever. My best friend and I have so many inside jokes that no one else can ever understand. Our humor is just so fucking amazing and this movie, honestly, summery our sarcasm, inside jokes, humor and everything. The whole movie is just so... us, somehow hahahah.

After the movie we watched YouTube. Nothing fun there, rather watch Scary Movie haha. Later at night we went to a local restaurant and ate some pizza. Both of us loves pizza.

Now, the reason why I have this whole post called stressed out is simply because I feel stressed out. I haven't started this year the best possible way. In January was my birthday, but I had a couple of week where I didn't feel like my self. I was stressing out because of my drivers license. To some people it might not be such a big deal, but this whole drivers license experience made me realize I have some serious issues when it comes to dealing with stress. I can not deal with it at all. I have gotten so many anxiety "attacks" (I guess you could call them) and I have been feeling so bad. In January, because I was stressed out for my drivers license I didn't eat well, I barely slept and I was not paying attention to anything. I kind of build up a wall, hid all of my emotions and my whole personality. It was a horrible period of my life and I'm very happy that I got though it pretty well anyways.

But lately I have felt this stress and anxiety creeping up on me again. Now, when I've been there once, it feels like I'm going to end up there again. You know what I mean? It's really hard for me to explain this, mostly because english is not my first language and I can't express myself in the ways I want to, but also because this is something that is very difficult to explain no matter what language you'll speak. Writing about this just makes me realize how much this effects my life every single day. I try to avoid putting my self in some types of situations because I know that I will freak out. Even though I might want to do it, I just simply can't, because I know my anxiety is going to kick in and show it's worst side. I have problems being social with other people, therefore I often turn my self to the internet, trying to be as anonymous as I possibly can. Sometimes I even pretend to have a different name, because I want to feel like I am another person. I don't want to be stuck in my own skin you know.

Anxiety is fucking horrible. I feel like I can't be who I want to be because my anxiety won't let me. I feel kind of stuck. Stuck in the same track as I've been the last couple of years. I want to move on, obviously, but I don't dare to. I want to be in my comfort zone but at the same time I want to get my lazy ass out of there. I defiantly don't think that I'm the only person to have these kind of problems. I bet that most of the people on this earth deals with the same situation. It's horrible. But my days are getting better. I feel stronger, somehow, every single day. Somedays are worse than others, but I was put here for a reason.

End of this post, deep talk indeed. Have a great day to who ever is reading this. Thank you for checking this little blog of mine, really appreciating it ^^. Now I'm going to play some Sims haha, and try to think about something else other then stress and anxiety.