View tracker

​I've been lucky. I've always know what my passion is, I've always known the path I want to walk in life. Already at the age of 13 I knew my passion. And from that moment on I started making my choices based on that. I was lucky to know what I wanted and feel like I had somewhere to go, I had a destination. Friends around me were stressing about their future, thinking what they are going to do. Being anxious about not knowing where to go after high school. I was very lucky, I had just this one path and knew the steps to it. I had it all figure out.

For five years I went with that plan, for five years not once did I second guess that thought. It felt right, it fel like my destiny. Five years I was content and happy, just looking from the outside in at my friends' problems with not knowing about their future. That five years ended a couple months ago. When it hit me. What if this path isn't mine to walk?

For five years - five whole years, practically my whole teenage life - I've been set on this one goal, this one destination. And then, all of a sudden, when I last needed it, all came crushing down and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Five years I planned my life to match my goal, and then at the very end - the point where I am actually going to apply for schools - I start thinking everything over. I will say this, I do not regret the choices I've made. But I have started thinking whether it's the right thing for me.

And I can tell you, it's scary to start questioning oneself like this. I do know that my final goal, my " dream destination" is still the same. But all I know is that I don't know whether I am going to like the way to that goal. And frankly, the main destination I have, I don't even know if it would be a possibility for me. So I cannot honestly say that I want to take the risk to go a path I don't like all too well, only to discover that my dreams weren't even possible. I rather find a path that as a complete will satisfy me and make me happy.

I know I'll figure it out eventually, I just don't know when or how. But I will. But at this exakt moment, struggling with these desitions, feeling the dead line closing up, it is stressful and anxious. All I know is that eventually I will find the right thing for me. Whether it's tomorrow, in a year, a decade, who knows. But in the end it will be alright and well.

All I gotta do is get there. Find my path and go from that. One day, one day my friends.

Blog using your mobile phone - One of the best blogging apps on the market - click here!

Likes

Comments

View tracker

​This movie is AMAZING! I watched the trailer yesterday and I just couldn't not watch it. It's really touching, moving, cute, interesting and all together really good. It's also inspiring in a way I can't explain, and it definitely puts you thinking. Two really well spent hours! I highly recommend this, you all should definitely give it a chance! And especially if the trailer makes you interested then I can promise you you won't be disappointed by the movie!

Likes

Comments

View tracker

There is something that baffles me that I want to talk about with you guys. Crying.

I stumbled upon a text today that said "Don't cry, that guy doesn't deserve your tears. Don't cry over anyone who wouldn't cry for you." And I gotta say, it's not the first time I read these type of things, they come often up in one way or another. And I want to ask you guys, have you ever said these things to someone? Telling them not to cry because another person isn't worth their tears?

What is it with crying, why is it seen as a sign of weakness? Why do people think that if a person cries, they are weak? That whole thing about how "he doesn't deserve your tears" is bs. Because honestly, crying over a guy (or anyone for that matter) isn't really crying for them. When you cry, you cry because you're hurt. You are hurt or sad because of something this person has done to you. It's pain inside of you that needs to come out in one way or another. Sometimes we are so hurt that there is simply no other way to get the feelings out other than through crying. Why should it be bad to cry? Crying heals, it makes you feel better. Have you guys ever cried? Because if you have, you know the feeling you get afterwards. You feel better, more "fresh" in some way, you feel like you've been able to let go of a whole lot of things that have troubled you. Crying is good, it heals and helps you. It doesn't make you weak, if anything, it makes you stronger.

So I want everyone to really think it through. Saying the guy doesn't deserve your tears is irrelevant. Because you aren't crying for the guy, you are crying for yourself. Because you have this huge amount of pain that is killing you from inside, that needs to get out. If you don't let it out, it will consume you. And sometimes crying is the only way to get it out. And if that is the case, then that is exactly what you should do. Let the pain out, cry your eyes out. You are taking care of yourself by crying and there is nothing weak about that. Taking care of yourself is important, it's necessary. So when you cry, you should never feel bad about it or ashamed. You are simply doing what's best for you. You owe it to yourself, to take care of yourself, to listen to your needs. When you are crying, you are only making yourself stronger, not weaker.

So think about this the next time you are about to tell someone not to cry over somebody who's hurt them. They aren't crying for the person who hurt them, they are crying for themselves, for their own good. They are crying because they need to let the pain out. Don't try to force someone to keep all the pain in, don't be the one who makes them feel bad for taking care of themselves. Be the one who let's them cry, be the one who says "go for it, you owe this to yourself. Let the pain out, make yourself stronger".

Likes

Comments

​I have done mistakes in the past. I've forced relationships just to avoid losing a person, I've tried to be someone I'm not, I've blamed myself for things that weren't my fault. But from every mistake I've learned. And you have no idea how thankful I am for that today. Because for the first time I won't force it, for the first time I won't change to love someone else, and for the first time, I won't blame myself. Because now I've learned.

Through every mistake I've learned something new, and today I know a hell lot more than I did a year ago. A year ago I tried dating a guy, only because I didn't want to lose him as my friend. I didn't really want to date him, but I knew I wanted him in my life - as a friend. I tried telling myself that I'm just scared, that I do have feelings for him, that I just need to dig a bit to find them, that this guy is worth it all, that this time it will be different. It wasn't. I ended up breaking both of our hearts, we separated and since then we haven't been able to talk to each other. I haven't been able to talk to a guy I saw as my best friend. That killed me, and for so long I walked around blaming myself. Going through possibilities, figuring ways to change myself, trying to be someone I wasn't. Only so that I could get this guy back into my life. 

Obviously it fucked me up real bad. But I just couldn't stop blaming myself, I really thought that it was all because of me. That it all was my fault, that if I wasn't so fucked up, we could've had our happy ending. I can't tell you how many times I thought for myself, over and over again, that "only if I was normal". 

Today the situation is different, today I no longer blame myself in these type of situations. Today I can literarily have a guy in front of me, full on blaming me for the situation, and I won't for one second blame myself. Because today, rather than thinking that I am the one who have to change for the other person's needs, I think that we both need to change. That it's not me who's to blame all of this, that it's the both of us. If we cannot meet half way, then we won't meet at all. Because today I realize it is not my duty or obligation to be the only one making sacrifices, I today realize it's the both of us. And that sometimes, compatibility cannot be changed. It is not me who is the problem, it's the fact that we just don't fit together. It's both of our priorities and needs that need to be compatible, otherwise it just won't work. For a relationship to work, one need to be compatible with the other. And if you're not, then that is just the case. It's not either of you's to "fix", it's not either of you's job to change who you are. If you aren't compatible, then you just aren't. 

That's just how it goes. And today I've finally realized that. Today I won't anymore blame myself for being the reason we don't work with someone. Today I just stand there and say "this is me" - if we don't work, then we don't. It's not either of our's job to fix that. If we don't go, then we don't. And that is okay. Because maybe, just maybe, ​some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but are not meant to be together.

Likes

Comments

Hello beautifuls! How are you all doing on this lovely Saturday?

My name is Christal, but you can call me Cece. I won't go on and make a long list of who I am, since I figured my future blog posts will do that for me. All I'll say right now is that I'm a girl soon to be in my 20s, and I live in Finland. Therefore I also want to apoligize in advance for my language errors, since English isn't my mother tongue. If you notice any spelling errors or other problems with my language, feel fre to tell and correct me! After all, I'm trying to make ​your reading experience as good as I possibly can!

So what is this blog going to be about? Mostly just things on my mind, feelings or concerns I want to share pretty much anything that I feel is important. I will try to stay away from telling you about my boring everyday life, since I personally wouldn't find it at all interesting. However, as I said, I will talk about my feelings and thoughts. The reason to why I want to share them is the simple reason that I want to leave a mark. I want my thoughts, feelings and ideas to be heard and maybe they can help someone or inspire. That's been one of my biggest dreams for a long time - to be able to reach out to people and help those who need it. I've had a burning passion for making other people's life easier, better and happier. And since I'm better at expressing myself in writing, I figured a blog would be one way to reach out to people and hopefully make a difference! 

That's that for now, I'll get back to you later on! Have an awesome day!👻

Likes

Comments