I've been lucky. I've always know what my passion is, I've always known the path I want to walk in life. Already at the age of 13 I knew my passion. And from that moment on I started making my choices based on that. I was lucky to know what I wanted and feel like I had somewhere to go, I had a destination. Friends around me were stressing about their future, thinking what they are going to do. Being anxious about not knowing where to go after high school. I was very lucky, I had just this one path and knew the steps to it. I had it all figure out.
For five years I went with that plan, for five years not once did I second guess that thought. It felt right, it fel like my destiny. Five years I was content and happy, just looking from the outside in at my friends' problems with not knowing about their future. That five years ended a couple months ago. When it hit me. What if this path isn't mine to walk?
For five years - five whole years, practically my whole teenage life - I've been set on this one goal, this one destination. And then, all of a sudden, when I last needed it, all came crushing down and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Five years I planned my life to match my goal, and then at the very end - the point where I am actually going to apply for schools - I start thinking everything over. I will say this, I do not regret the choices I've made. But I have started thinking whether it's the right thing for me.
And I can tell you, it's scary to start questioning oneself like this. I do know that my final goal, my " dream destination" is still the same. But all I know is that I don't know whether I am going to like the way to that goal. And frankly, the main destination I have, I don't even know if it would be a possibility for me. So I cannot honestly say that I want to take the risk to go a path I don't like all too well, only to discover that my dreams weren't even possible. I rather find a path that as a complete will satisfy me and make me happy.
I know I'll figure it out eventually, I just don't know when or how. But I will. But at this exakt moment, struggling with these desitions, feeling the dead line closing up, it is stressful and anxious. All I know is that eventually I will find the right thing for me. Whether it's tomorrow, in a year, a decade, who knows. But in the end it will be alright and well.
All I gotta do is get there. Find my path and go from that. One day, one day my friends.