Fuck I seriously suck as a blogger. My bad guys!

Anyways, lots in life has changed since my last blog. I didn't end up moving into the house, drama happened and it didn't end up working out. The drama has since passed and everyone that was involved is over the situation, so I won't be getting into it. Eric and I had to move into a new apartment, but I absolutely love the apartment. I'm now about a month or so into my new job and it's going pretty well everyone is really nice. I'm also fairly good at my new job, I mean it's not hard to figure it out. I'm a cashier, but with each day that passing I'm getting faster and better at what I'm doing. 

But the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that I reconnected with my best guy friend Brett, we had a falling out about 3ish years ago and hadn't talked much other then the occasional 'how are you doing' message every now and again. But I saw him while I was sitting in a drive thru at McDonalds with Katy (my best friend for like my entire life) and we happened to see a guy walking down the street that looked a lot like Brett. I pointed him out to Katy and she told me to get out of the car and go see him. Well actually she basically pushed me out of the car haha. Anyways I shouted his name and ran over to him and gave him a huge hug and we have hung out a couple times since then and have been texting pretty much non-stop. Honestly it feels like the 3 years didn't even happen we are as close as ever.

The three of us hung out yesterday and went to the beach, it was a lot of fun. Brett brought his gopro and took a ton of footage for his youtube channel and Katy and I built a sandcastle... or more of a sand-hendge. It was a lot of fun :) I am actually so happy that I have my best friend back in my life now. I have someone who understands my Doctor Who obsession, because he is the one who created it. And I'm back listening to the music I used to listen to and I'm pretty happy with life now. Now to just find a full time job and go to college. But that's a problem for another day, cause I've got far to go put away the laundry I just finished washing.


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I have been such a bad blogger lately. Sorry about that to anyone who has been reading my posts! Anyways I am back with a huge update on my life! I finally got a new job and have my orientation on Tuesday and am super excited about it. Also my boyfriend, our friend and I have been searching for houses to move into and we finally found one. We are now in the process of getting that all set up so within the next 2 months a lot will be changing for me, I couldn't be happier. I have also been working on eating better and exercising more! I've been feeling a lot better about myself lately and hope that this feeling last.

Sorry for the short post but I will be back with many more to come. Thanks for reading.

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This past week has been dreadful, it has been full of panic attacks regarding going to work. So I took if upon myself and I officially do not have a job anymore. I've been struggling a lot lately with trying to bring myself to go into work, I've been making excuses and calling in sick just so I didn't have to deal with it.

I had an evening shift today, and twice before I even had to leave I broke down to my boyfriend, I was miserable and kept on crying and just basically couldn't stop myself. He was trying his best to make me feel better but nothing was working. I'd smile and laugh for a bit, but then we'd go back to watching a show or something and I would be crying again within an hour or so.

One of my co-workers picked me up for work and as soon as I got in her car, I already felt the anxiety rising in me. I told her what had been going on and I just couldn't do it. We got there and I really didn't want to get out of the car. I did though and walked into the back room, I got changed into my uniform and was standing in the break room waiting to go in. That's when I felt the panic attack starting, my eyes began to sting and I kept telling myself 'don't do this' 'don't you dare fucking do this' and then the tears came pouring out. Not long after that started happening the morning shift filled into the room and started getting ready for their shift, and one of them noticed me. She got super excited I was there, and then saw my face and got worried. She pulled me aside and I told her everything. How going to this job made me feel like I wanted to die and how my mental health was way more important to me then this job. Everyone started to leave and I was still standing in the back crying my eyes out, and having a full blown panic attack. I couldn't make myself stop crying, and that's when my manager found me. She asked what was wrong and I just blubbered out "I can't do this anymore" she looked confused then the realization hit her. She asked me "Too stressed" and I nodded, she said okay and I changed and left.

And now I am in the process of finding a new job, and bettering myself. I've been doing yoga once a day and cleaned the entire apartment. I'm just trying to do small this to make me feel better.

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I am home sick from work, I spend 3+ hours in a waiting room at a clinic today and oh my god was it ever awful! I felt so bad there was a little boy with his mom and dad, who was waiting just about as long as I was. And he was getting super restless and fed up.

So I ended up having an ear infection, which is what I had pretty much figured. I'm thinking that may have been part of the reason I was getting awful headaches. Right now all I want to do is lay in bed and binge watch netflix, but I have to walk to work and had in my sick note. And come home and eat dinner with Eric, and he has to be up super early tomorrow morning for work.

I am thinking tomorrow I am going to catch up on The 100 and maybe finish Friends, while also looking for a new job.

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I had another boring day off from work, spend the day shopping for pants and had an awful time. I hate shopping for pants, it always makes me feel super self conscious about the way I look. But my boyfriend made me feel much better about what happened today. I also bought a new pair of sunglasses, here's hoping I don't break them! I am notorious for accidentally breaking sunglasses. 

Anyways, I've gotta work tomorrow and I'm really not excited because I have had a mild headache for the past like week, it's been on and off. But always seems to get way worse when I am at work, and under those damn florescent lights. And honestly everyday that I go in to work I end up coming home and wanting to cry, I hate my job so much. I love the people I work with, for the most part. But I hate the job, it's so unbelieveably stressful for the amount of money I get paid. Which is minimum wage, and my shifts keep getting cut. Which is a huuuuge piss off. Ugh I just want to find a new job, but it's super hard right now and I don't really have free time to go out and do it plus when I come home from work I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to hide in my apartment, and drink wine. And I try my hardest not to bother Eric with how shitty work has been, but some days I just crack and start crying because I panic about even thinking about going to work the next day. 

Sorry about the rant post, I just needed to vent about work. It's been taking a serious toll on me lately and I don't really know what else to do considering I can't just quit my job. I have rent and bills to pay for. Ugh! 

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Today was super productive! I woke up this morning and felt the need to clean so I cleaned my entire apartment :)
When Eric came home from work I made us both sandwiches and we spent the rest of the day just relaxing. Then I went out for dinner with my dad and had Swiss Chalet it was delicious! I got a quarter chicken dinner with french fries.
Now I'm going to spend the rest of the night, binge watching youtube videos and netflix and head to bed early seeing as I have to work tomorrow morning.
Hope you all had a wonderful day!

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So I moved out about a year and a bit ago, it wasn't exactly my choice. Long story short, me living with my parents wasn't working at all and they kicked me out. I was very angry and them and resented them so much, but now it's all in the past and what they did helped me so much. I wouldn't be where I am today, living with my boyfriend in our apartment if it wasn't for them kicking me out. I'd probably still be in my parents basement, depressed and looking for a job. We lived in a small town just on the outskirts of Ottawa, there was nothing to do there and barley any busses that went into the city which made getting a job very hard. I also didn't have my license and still don't. So getting a car was not achievable. My relationship with my parents has gotten so much better since I moved out, me and my dad go out for dinner once a week.
Anyways, so after they kicked me out I had no where to go, I stayed at my best friends house for the first night and spent most of it crying my eyes out. But as soon as it had happened, I called my boyfriend and he told me I could stay with him and his roommate. So that night Katy and I went to my parents house and grabbed all my stuff that was important and shoved it into her car and headed to her house for a sleepover.
The next day, she drove me to Eric's place and we moved all my stuff in and it was really weird. I mean I had been there countless times and spent many nights there, but knowing that I was moving in there... it was just weird. Over the next six months I had been looking for a job and each time I didn't get hired I got more and more depressed. I finally got a job and it didn't last very long, I didn't fit in there and all the girls were way too catty. Anyways I kept looking for a job but I couldn't find anything and the roommate was getting pretty fed up with me not having a job. We had also been fighting a lot, but I won't get into why on this post. He had been talking to my boyfriend and decided that he wanted me out. Eric agreed thinking that it would help me, and it did. It gave me the push I needed to go out and get my shit together. I was given a date to be out by, as the date got closer and closer I was struggling to find a place. Eric ended up extending the date and gave me another couple weeks. I ended up finding a full time job and an amazing apartment.
I found a perfect 1 bedroom apartment about a 20 minute walk from my job. I lived on my own in this apartment for 3-4 months and then when Eric's lease was up and he decided to move in with me. I honestly couldn't be happier living with him. Sharing this space just the two of us was the best thing we could have done for our relationship.

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I had the day off today but still ended up waking up at 8. Made some breakfast, drank some coffee, got ready then went to the chiropractor. I've basically been cleaning the apartment and watcnibg youtube videos. Oh I watched all of Fuller House and thought it was great. You should definitely go watch it, if you haven't already and liked Full House. Now Eric is home from work and we ordered a pizza and are watching Guardians of the Galaxy, finally I will be watching it for the first time ever! I'm pretty excited haha

Anyways, thanks for reading! Have a great night 💋❤

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So I've decided it's time to give blogging a chance. I'm not entirely sure how this whole thing works yet, but I'm determined to try! I guess I will start out with talking about myself a little, so you guys can all get to know me. Well, I'm Caylee, I'm 23 years old and living in Canada's capital Ottawa with my boyfriend Eric. I'm a huge fan of makeup, fashion and music. I currently have a full-time job, and am in the process of finding a new one. Basically to some it up, I'm your average girl in her 20's just trying to figure out life, and I thought I'd start blogging about the interesting and uninteresting things that go on, in the hopes that I can make atleast one person smile or laugh.

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