The summer that didn’t follow my life plan whatsoever. The actual plan was to graduate from Cal State, Northridge in August after finishing my last two classes over the summer. My family was supposed to meet me in California and we would celebrate my birthday and graduation in Mexico. For fall I was getting my work-visa, I’d move and get my dream job. Dream on. That did not happen. Instead the big crash happened at the end of April. My thyroid said thanks and goodbye and since then I’ve been a tired, sad and anxious version of myself. It’s been completely awful.
I got diagnosed with Grave’s disease the summer of 2010 or ’11 (wow, I can’t even remember because it was never important or made any difference in my life) but because of living in the US and insurance issues (fuck pre-existing conditions), it was never really a priority to have the thyroid taken out. Other than that I have always felt normal when I was sick and never had any symptoms. Until now. When the thyroid went from hyperactive to hypo, my body and brain did too. I went through May in a haze. Thank god I was already doing so well in all my classes because I pretty much failed every final due to brain fog. I could not for my life find my parked car, because I just couldn’t even remember parking it, my words were lost in translation and even having a normal conversation was too hard since my brain was too slow to even comprehend what people were saying to me. I was a mess and cried myself through all of May and June in complete panic over what was happening to me. It was impossible to see anything clear through the fog. Today, my body has calmed down a bit and I’m back in Sweden waiting for surgery on Aug 21. It scares me to death but nothing scares me more than having to feel like this forever.