Hellow.... Yellow.....!

It's been awhile sense I've been making a blog post. As you might know I've been working a lot, I practically had 2 jobs in one month.. Yeah I know I got a problem and that's why I'm writing thing post. I went to my psychologist today and I probably have.....

I did a test today but it's not confirmed but we suspect it is ADHD, and when I think back when I was growing up the signs been there all the time. I just didn't think about it until recently, but I wasn't the one bringing it up on the meeting my psychologist did.

At least now I might have an answer to why I can't keep my jobs and why I've been having problems with knowing what I'm feeling. Just because my feelings get all over the place and mixed with other feelings. It's so twisted and it's hard to explain.

All my thoughts is all over the place and I always gets these weird ideas, not only that I get lost in my own thoughts when I'm speaking to other people and stops listening. Not because I don't want to listen or that I don't like you, I just get lost in my own little world sometimes.

And if something doesn't interest me I don't put any effort in it or at least not 100% into it.
I get distracted easily "oh! A squirrel."
Hahaha, no but seriously.
I don't think I've seen a squirrel in ages! I think they have gone instinct in Sweden... Poor squirrels...
Anyway, can't focus right now; Damn you awesome "Ghostbusters" song!.

"Who you gonna call!?"

(I will keep that as an ending! Too distracted...)

Maybe I should make another paranormal videođŸ€”.

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I were at this interview at a company in Solna, Stockholm last Tuesday and I thought it went really... Bad. Because my level of ego is really low, so when I come to the part where I'm suppose to tell them a little about myself my brain kind of shuts off. Anyhow he was suppose to call me last Thursday but he didn't so I kind of gave up and didn't think about it much. So today around 5-6pm I got a call and to my surprise he offered me a job!. I could barely believe it! This day went from totally losing hope in getting a job to actually getting a job for real!!!.

The best thing about this news is that I can finally get back on my feet again and probably get a pretty decent life. So tomorrow I will head out to Solna and sign the papers that need to be signed, ask some questions and then I will be set on Monday!.

One thing more that I wanted to tell you guys about is that I'm planning on writing a book. I've been really into fantasy sense I was a child and had a huge imagination and I kind of want to bring that imagination back to life. So I'm gonna start writing on it very soon and we will see how it goes from there!.

But for now, BAJ BAJ!!!<3



New update on MINECRAFT PE!!! I've been waiting for this!.

It got potions, enchantment table, the nether, 3 new mobs! And you can even make you're own iron golem that keeps the bad guys away from your backyard!.

Even took some pictures with my new cat and iron golem! There's a lot of new features and it's only getting better!~ <3




Iron golem be like: that ass tho!



Halloween is slowly getting closer! Too slow if you ask me but I've been really in the Halloween spirit lately. It's like Christmas for me! Only that you get to be something else than human and you don't get presents. But what I'm trying to say is that I've also been really active on my builds on minecraft! Feeling really proud of my latest creations so I thought I should share them with you!.

Firstly a witches hut, it looks really small but don't worry it's spacious and even made one on survival! It's really cute and easy to build.

The second one is a slightly bigger creation and it's also kind of witchy and Hallo-weeny!, it's purple of course my favourite colour after black!<3 though it doesn't got a lot of space inside it just got a really small bedroom, a library, some chests, dining area and a small kitchen. It even got a romantic balcony on the top of the house~.

Last but not least! What is a Halloween themed minecraft world without a huge pumpkin?~. Well it's not a Halloween themed minecraft world for sure! Maybe I should become a "theme park designer"? or what ever they're called! xD

See you later nerds!!!! ;D



Long time no see!

Literally I've been busy and haven't had much to write about either thought I could been some stuff that I could've mentioned in a post but still don't have any internet at home. Probably won't get it either for awhile planing on getting my own wifi but that will be further in the future.

I've kind of starting to find back to my lovely interest of making horror movies! I've met this girl that well!, She got an interest for photography and horror movies too. So perhaps tomorrow if hell doesn't break lose, I meant there's probably gonna be a thunder storm and the least safest place is probably the woods. But let's get to the point! We have planned on going on a small hike around the woods and look for places to.... SHOOT A HORROR MOVIE! :DDDD.

I've been writing just a little and I'm planning on placing my ass in front of the computer and start writing more and then once I'm gone with the skeleton of the script I will start with the manuscript!. That's how I work! It's easier to squeeze in all the details when you have them right in front of you.
But that's my plan and I also starting to think about stop looking for normal jobs! Not only do I lie to myself but I also lie to other people!. I don't want a normal job at a grocery store or work as a cleaner! No I want to make movies.

So what you will be expecting in a few weeks is another short film! And it will make you scream until you're lungs explode!!!!!....

Okay! Not really but it will be spooky and all the supernatural lovers out there will love it! ^,..,^.





It's been awhile sense I wrote a normal post!
At least now I have a few things to write about. So something rare happened today! My ass got on fire!!! Not literally but for once I wasn't all talk and I feel really proud of myself. I managed to look for at least 8 different TV/film production companies, I wrote down the name of the companies and their phone numbers and not only that I spoke with a guy that holds the practice and trainees. So I just have to wait for more people to assign and then I will have an interview at a store and from there on we will see if I get a job or not.

But tomorrow I have a schedule to write down some information about the TV/film production companies that I found and next week I will start calling them up!.
I even plan on making some phone calls~, for other stuff tho!.

I want to believe that it feels like the pieces is finally starting to get in place, I'm really tired of standing in the same place and stomping without getting anywhere. "
Nothing comes to those who wait" I've had those words in my mind all the time without knowing what they really mean.

A few other things have happened but I will tell you when it's time! It's something very cute! That's the only hint you will get for now :D.




This is a story about a girl, with the ability to build walls higher than the sky.
She was clumsy so she always lost the key to the one and only door, but as she got closer to that door, it was clear that she was only hiding it in her pocket. No one was allowed inside because her own rule was to never speak her mind. Not even today no one can break those walls, that hides a world with dreams and possibilities. But the story doesn't begin with the walls, it begins with a girl that was silenced.

Told to stay quiet because her words meant nothing. She did what she was told but inside her words was screaming to get out. But every time she opened her mouth, her words was numbed. Of course there was times she showed what she got and screamed out every word she had kept inside. As her time to shine was up, she closed herself inside her walls and kept quiet because maybe someone could see her and notice her stupidity.

People told her to stay quiet because her words wasn't relevant, she was told to be silence because their words were more important. In the end she blew up and said things that she would regret because she was told to hold her mouth shut. She wasn't allowed to speak her mind, she wasn't allowed to show her intelligence, she wasn't allowed to let her true self show.

Even every time her fingers touched the pen, she hesitated because she was told to be quiet and never speak her mind. It was a rule that she followed through her childhood and up to today. Now what's left of her is a broken child inside a woman's body. But she met people in her life that pushed her to change that side of her, to let her speak her mind and express herself. For a time in her life she felt like her life meant something, the thought of actually being born for something and not just to stay silenced. In the end nothing is meant to last forever, and over time those walls grew back up again. she turned her back and walked away, the room was full but no one was listening because she didn't have anything interesting to say.

As time passed she forgot about everything, shutting everything inside a hidden door in her mind, acting happy with a smile on her lips. But inside she was really just lonely and broken, because that was the price she paid to be quiet. All the things that she had tried to forget and all the things that had made her into who she is today. Still she can do nothing but stay quiet because her words don't mean anything, it's just a mumbling that no one can hear, no matter how much she screams.

It didn't take long before that door suddenly started to open, without noticing it, the room had gotten full and started forcing everything to spill out. Her mind got shattered all over the place and she barely knew what she was doing anymore, with anger she started to close the walls for everyone. Her friends and family knew nothing and still don't know what's going on inside her mind. Because she was told to stay quiet and don't say a word what was going on in her mind, it didn't mean a thing, she meant nothing.

To cover her own wounds she cared more about others and decided to carry them, help them through their struggles even if she was bleeding out while carrying them. Because their problems was much bigger and she wanted to be there for them because she knew how it felt and to hide her own pain she dressed up as the support pillar but really from the cracks she was bleeding. Losing herself at some point when she lost a dear soul to a horrible sickness, she continued to stay as the pillar but inside she was crying her heart out. Because she really just need someone to carry her. Once again she couldn't speak even if she screamed on the inside. In the end she stopped listening, closing herself inside those walls, letting no one pass the gate.

Until today she still struggles and now more than ever, but today that rule don't exist. But still she doesn't speak because it's not a rule anymore, it's a habit.




I'm just laying in my bed turning back and forth as usually. I'm burning up and I can't sleep, so much in my head. I've been thinking a lot these days but today a few good things happen firstly I got a package I've been waiting for!! I ordered that game called CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY! And I've been waiting for it impatiently!. Ive wanted to play this for so long, I can't even count how long!.

But I finally got it! Now I just need to gather some people and play it!.

The second good thing that happened was that when I got the package the guy in the shop offered me a "job" kind of. It's more of a trainee like I talked about in the last post. So tomorrow I got to things on my agenda. And the first thing is that I need to call Dr. D because I missed the appointment so I need to call and schedule a new one. The next thing is that I need to go to this guys shop with some papers!. Can't do the trainee and then I need to call another person that need to sign this so that everything is ok!. Then I will start my trainee! Hopefully things will move a little forward from now on.

Wish me luck,
BAJ BAJ!~ :-*




Time for me to vent a little again.. I don't know what to do, I've decided today that I would do something productive and go out to find a job or rather something we call in Sweden as "praktik" or trainee.. So I took a shower and thought today I'm gonna do it and instead I found myself thinking negative thoughts and just sitting watching videos on YouTube. I don't need to watch those videos because it's not important, But I'm doing it anyway because it's always been easier to run away from reality then stay in it...

I'm getting really pissed at myself.. So I start thinking [BABY STEPS!], I need to find the problem in why I'm feeling this way.. That's when I notice, my thoughts were running around between I won't get the job because I have no clothes that will make me look proper. Everything that I have in my closet is mostly holes in them because I haven't had the money to buy new clothes..

Not that I think that really matter to them but having new clothes might raise my confidence a little.

So what's the next problem? That I'm to shy and don't have the courage to ask someone? Yup that's defiantly it. I've never really been the shy kid or the one that's never really scared of things, but I've always been the one to hide under a shell or rather having a huge wall around me. It makes me easy to push people away and I never really trust anyone. But that has nothing with working to do... Even though I've always found myself thinking that I won't fit in doing a normal job so I always force myself.

There's only one job that I ever enjoyed and that was one of the summer jobs that I had where I was doing some gardening and it just felt nice because I could be outside all day and nothing really bothered me about it only that I almost cut my finger off. But one thing that made it all fun was the sun and that I had people around me, I wasn't alone standing behind a machine that did most of the job for me(a job that I did a while ago). But then I start thinking "they work during the winter.... HELL NO!!" So that job is pretty much off the list...

I've known sense I was 13 what I wanted to do but the road there is a lot harder then you think when your 13 and half way there I lost my way.. And now I'm here today, having no motivation or interest in the jobs that I'm actually applying too. I hate it! That I'm forced to do something that I don't want to do because society is pushing me to do it.

I will take baby steps and move towards at least one of my goals and that is getting a job.. Even if I won't enjoy it!




Just caught myself a baby zombie for a pet on minecraft! Though it killed me two times but it was totally worth it~. Not only do I got a pet zombie but I also got a boat sheep... And that is a sheep caught in a boat and it literally can't get out so I've been pushing it around and even built its own peen in the water!.

I really wanted to catch a baby zombie riding a chicken but a creeper exploded so that sucks, manage to get a picture of it before it exploded....