arghhh, yes my last post was about how much I love my sons. But Do I like them at all times? No!
Now maybe I'll get a lot of judgement, raised eyebrows, words like : " what a terrible mother!"
Anyway, life with children it ain't easy!
I love my children to death but there are some moments where I'd like to leave the house and run away for a while!
I've been sick for 3 days, got fever, extreme headache, and also a stomach bug. Today I've finally eaten some pasta after 3 days of only eating blueberry soup.
Strenght and myself are coming together, but then of course...my dear children.
The youngest I dont know if he is getting again the flu or has tummy problems, but he has not slept well last night and screamed!
He does want at all to take the pacifier,,but wants to get glued to my breast the WHOLE night long! It is not easy to sleep let me tell you when you have a vampire sucking on you the whole night! I really dont know why he would not take his pacifier! He did before! and helped him sleep back, but not for the last 5 days. It is only my nipple who calms him down! ( boy's thing?)
This has made me consider maybe that It is soon time to stop breastfeeding. I don't know...it is a yes-no / bitter sweet decision.
I really hope this changes soon and that is only a phase. Because I am getting very frustrated.
Then today when I finally feeling well and excited to make lunch for the boys...I get things like: again pasta? I don't like the green beans, I am full...
But how are you going to eat candie when you go to the movies if you are already full?
and then there comes the beautiful agreement between mom and dad..he says yes...momma says no and bla bla bla...
My point is! no candie if they dont eat all their damn food I have cooked! and much more if they are " already full" ( which is a lie!)
But here comes daddy to the rescue.
Sometimes I have enough.
It is not easy to be a parent, and to have children, and to have a partner who doesn't commit to the rules!
In these kind of days...And make it worse , it's gray and raining outside...I'd like to go outside and scream the lungs out of me!
I'm very soon in need of a time out for myself, I really need to...just waiting for the youngest to be a bit older so I can leave him with his dad for a little longer than an hour.
Do not take me wrong, I love my family, my children, my husband, but I have to remember that I am also a person, I am a human being with feelings, with needs, I get hurt! I get angry, I am not a robot ( eventhough sometimes it feels like that)
Maybe It will help to talk about it...maybe someone feels the same, but doesn't to tell...It is a taboo...it is just wrong to feel the way I am feeling...
Everything has to look perfect! perfect family, well raised children, loving husband and wife, enjoying time all together! ohh how I miss you...
Bullshit I say! We argue! we scream when it gets to our nerves , we are not proud of that but to who are we lying...our boys are very good boys but they can argue between each other and end up crying...they can get too naughty and loud and answer Very badly back! yes! already! I thought it would come when they were teenagers but they already start!
So yeah...we are not perfect! and we never pretend to be!
and everything is not 100% perfection at all times...up and downs come and go...but at the end of the day with all our imperfections, we are still there hanging on and trying to make it work! because that's what a family and marriage is all about.
Now I am feeling a bit more positive! I will hug my boys when they come back from the movies...and tell them...next time mommy cooks, you are gonna eat all :) ( yeah I wish)
yeah...if you are not a parent yet...read this :D this is coming soon to your life :D