it's been quite a long time since i have made a new blog post. but i decided i needed to make one today. to share something that our family went through a year ago to this day... especially for those of you that are having a hard time lately.

   a year ago today we woke up to a call from the hospital in elko which is where we live. my mom, sisters, my kids and i so to speak. they were calling us to say that my 16 year old sister had been in a car accident. we didn't even know she wasn't home. we thought she had been in bed sleeping. my mom had just came home from a graveyard shift at work. they didn't tell us to what extent or how bad of shape she was in. so when we showed up, the image we seen was enough to knock anyone on their feet. to take our breath away.

   she wasn't allowed to move her neck, and you could hardly tell that it was even my sister in the bed. her injuries were so bad that they had to fly her to the st lukes hospital in salt lake.

    at this point no one was in a great state. and our vehicle that we had at the time wouldn't make the drive. so we had to wait to rent a car to make the trip.
the longest car trip of my life. we cried almost the whole way.

    when we arrived only three people were allowed in her room at a time. she was in icu in the beginning. there, the doctors informed us that her back was broken. a few of her vertebraes had been completely shattered in the accident, her optical bone (which is in your face, near the eye) was broken, and she had two brain bleeds. we were told she had a high chance of becoming a parapalegic, that she may never even walk again. to a 16 year old junior, the thought of living in a wheelchair the rest of your life is earth shattering.

   her face was black and blue from the bruises. and one of her eyes was completely swoĺlen shut. she was in and out of it for the first three days due to the pain and meds she was being given. she had no idea what was even going on because of how doped up she was.

    over the next course of almost a month, she went under multiple surgeries. for her eye, which she had to undergo plastic surgery, and for her back, where she had to have rods and screws placed in due to the vertebraes that had been shattered.
 
   after about three weeks she had physical therapy. and from what seemed to be a blessing and prayers being answered she was able to walk again. but she wasn't allowes to return to school for the remainder of the year.

    in this accident there were 6 people in a small car. where there should only be 4. three were in the back seat. and two were in the front, my sister being one of them. the 6th person was in the trunk of the car. each person had been drinking, coming back from a lake that is about half an hour to an hour out from where we live. i wont go into specific detail. but the driver is still not in jail. when he very well should be. he was 21. drinking with underage kids... driving while intoxicated. and, to my sisters and the other kids words, he deliberately caused the accident all because he was mad....
 
   my sister was in the worst shape of them all. and we were told that she was lucky to be alive. that pretty much the only reason she was, was because of the level of alcahol that was in her system..

   the photo i provided is of my sister brooke. the left is of her in the salt lake hospital after a few days... and the right is brooke today. a 17 year old senior in highschool. getting ready to graduate in a month... healthy, and walking. next month she will be having surgery again to have the screws taken out.

    needless to say, we are all blessed that she is still here with us today. we are still fighting for the driver to be imprisoned. but no one knows where he is. last time we heard anything, he was engaged and about to become a father. living carefree. and FREE!!!

   So to those that are having a difficult time in their lives, wanting to give up and give in. just remember, life is truely a gift. live it like there is no tomorrow. because my sister almost didn't have a tomorrow. she almost never got to graduate. she almost never got to keep pursuing her dream as a carpenter. almost never got to look at colleges and decide which one she wanted to acheive her dreams at.
  
   love those that are in your life with all that you have. pursue your dreams. conquer the world. be who you are. and remember, to please, please never ever drink and drive. it is a dangerous and life threatening risk. a choice you may never be able to come back from.

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  so last night i went out for a few hours, had an adult night out, which for me hardly ever happens. being a single parent a night out if only for an hour or two is a luxury. i have two kids, which consists of a 13 month old little girl and an almost 2 month old little boy. both from different daddies. .
my daughters 'father' isn't in her life, so i have her 24/7 unless i am working of course.
   the whole point to this post os that my little boys dad came and picked him up yesterday morning for his turn to spend some time with him. we live in a mining town, so of course he is a miner. and if you don't know, miners have crazy, hectic work schedules. so he hardly sees his son. and if he isnt working he is spending his time with his new girlfriend out drinking. my ex is a big drinker, and was at one point an alcoholic. way before we ever were together. so with that all aside, this momma never gets time to do anything for herself. granted, lots of people say isnt that what mothers are for? or its a womans job to stay home and take care of the kids. but my thought is what about us mothers, is our life supposed to end when we do become mothers, is that all we are once we bare a child, or even a few? is that what we become limited to? i work as a bartender on graves. no i dont work a crazy 12 hour schedule for a week straight. but i work a regular 8 hour one. full time. at the same time as being a full time mother. when i am home i clean, cook, put up with obnoxious attitudes from a one year old who has hit her terrible two's early on. when i am at work i put up with dumb drunk assholes, clean, and more.
    i'm not trying to say this in a way that there is no silver lining. because there is. being a mom is bittersweet. its an amazing gift, and i love both my babies more than anything. i work hard for them, so they can have things there mother never had the opportunity to have when i was younger. i work hard to give them a good life. granted i live with my mom, while i pay off some debt and can work up to getting back on my own feet.
    anyways, already working a crazy schedule, my sons dad has been trying to work overtime, which most of the time i can appreciate, and even admire. but last night i guess was the last straw. i had made plans to get together with an old friend from school, enjoy a few drinks and catch up on what we have been up to since we graduated. as i was getting ready to leave the house my ex pulls up and is bringing my son back. (i only try to go out when he has our son, since my sister watches my daughter. i dont like it, so its not often that this happens. i ended up going off on him because for once id love to have the chance to make some kind of plan to have even a little bit of a social life. i errupted, telling him that sometimes his kids are more important than making extra money. than working more hours and never being able to spend time with his son. and his response was "just like you going out." it set me off even more, because i never get the chance, and hes out with friends all the time if he isnt working. im the one who loses sleep since i work graves. taking care of my kids during the day, trying to keep a somewhat liveable home, cooking dinner for my family. i probably live off 8 hours of sleep a week. to mothers this is nothing new. but let me ask you this? when did it become ok? when did it become acceptable to work hard, and do things for others, yet we dont reward ourselves. we are still alive. we are still human. and any person, woman or man, would become crazy cooped up in a house, or working, and not having any other life outside of either of those. of course, dont go crazy. but take a chance once in a while. im tired of being made to feel like shit when for a couple hours every now and then i want to enjoy time with other adults. carry on a conversation that doesnt include babble or what happens on pj masks.
i also got thrown in my face that i do live with my mother, and not on my own  however up until just a few months ago and since before the time we were together, he lived with his mom. and he just turned 3o. now he still doesnt even live on his own. but with two other roommates splitting everything three ways. ive lived on my own twice. even had my own house in reno. my own apartment in downtown boise, idaho.

point is, mothers, do something for you. stand up for yourself. because your life didnt end when you had kids. so dont act like it did!! dont stop living for you, because now you live for your kids, or your partner if you arent a single mom. but you are still as important! you still deserve a night out, or even a hot bubble bath to yourself. enjoy a glass of wine to some sinatra. crack a beer and rock out. or catch up on your favorite shows without having to be interrupted.

thats all from me. hopefully others will see it like i do. if not thats just fine too. :)

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I AM strong, though I have been weak. I AM a lover, but I've fought through my own battles. I AM content, yet conflicted. I AM lost, in search ofmy true sense of self. I AM a wild child, a reckless soul. I AM a mother of a young warrior, of a little prince, and a furry barker. I AM a yogi, a meditator, who hopes to one day inspire others as they've inspired me. I AM an adventurer. A peacekeeper, though not perfect I've had my moments. I  AM a wanderer. I AM passionate about art and culture. I AM wounded, but I AM healing. I AM both a tea and coffee drinker. I AM free and untamed. I AM a scorpio, wolf, spider. I AM the pheonix. I AM a native, I AM titleless. I AM my harshest critic. I AM a survivor. I AM a storm. I AM the woman you see dancing ceremoniously under the moon. I AM undecisive. I AM independent. I AM still growing.  I AM a pescetarian. I AM a thrill seeker and a lover of words. I AM a fool trying to learn from my mistakes. I AM an introvert. I AM me. I AM HER.

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    Yes I said Chicken. And yet I am pescetarian. Every now and again (which I am trying to find ways all the time to not) I fall and have chicken or turkey. Like Chinese takeout nights. Then of course at this current time, I am pregnant so there are a lot of fish that I cannot eat, so I have to give baby and I protein somehow. I am also a sucker for Orange Chicken, but am trying to find healthier dishes, or ways to have it. I also would rather make it my own at home, that to have it as takeout because for 1. I am super picky when it comes to the way my meat is cooked, and 2. I can control the amount of each ingredient that goes into the dish, for instance the amount of sodium that is put into Chinese food... is ridiculous. 

    So on the menu for last night was Orange Chicken, I just bought the chicken that's already cut for stir-fry use and cut it into chunks. Mixed together my orange mix,. I used flour instead of corn starch to toss with my chicken before putting in a pan of cooking oil to fry. Let the chicken itself cook til it's golden, then pour in your mixture and let it simmer. I was a little nervous because to me I would of thought the orange sauce would have to thicken up. Which it did some, just not as much as I anticipated. I served it over a bed of ​quinoa instead of white rice. I added just a bit of a lemon herb and some seasoning salt to the quinoa for flavor. For our side dish, I steamed some edamame lightly tossed in sea salt. 

    It is a pretty common dish and there are so many ways that you can dress up an orange chicken mixture, next time i'd like to add a lemon zest, and add pineapple to the dish as well Maybe even some mango later on. All in all, even the girls (my sisters, which are pretty picky eaters) seemed to like the whole thing. Which made me VERY happy. Not to gloat, (I am going to gloat anyway) I was pretty dang impressed with myself. 

   Trying new dishes out is my favorite, and I like being able to be as healthy as possible when I do. Except now and again of course you are going to slip up, or there are no alternative solutions for a certain ingredient and or dish. That's OKAY! Don't be so hard on yourself, it's okay to have "off" days. It's even normal. We're human! Always, always remember that!

-Namaste 

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   Something this year that I wanted to start was a savings challenge. I've been browsing ideas and ways I can budget/save money to do things like go on travel adventures, pay off my debt, and have a nice and supportive life for my little family and I - (I am a Mom). A friend shared this with my on my facebook page and I thought it would be a good idea to try. Granted I am not currently working for about a month or two due to pregnancy, and having to have a c-section. However when I am working, I am a bartender. So I live mostly on tips. I am hoping from all the saving challenges I have seen that this will work for me some and that I can find room to budget it in. 

   One thing I do want to use the saving challenge for is to get back on my feet. Right now I am living with my own mother, and the siblings of mine that still are too young to move out. I'd really like to be back in my own place and tarting our own home before this year is up. Which sees like a long time off. But due to some issues, and being a mother of soon to be two(three due my furry child) Also helping my mother out factors into that as well. 

   My first goal to save for (which wont be for the whole 52 weeks) is paying off some old bills, and raising my credit score. This is needed in order to get back into my own place. The only thing I really dislike is starting off the new year not working, due to me not going back til around the first part of March. 

   What sort of things would you use the 52 week savings challenge for??

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   The first time I fell in love with yoga was when I lived in Reno the first time back in the end of 2012. I had just graduated from high school that year, and moved to Reno from Idaho. I was living with my Aunt and Uncle at the time, and had my first job working as a sandwich artist at a Port of Subs in Sparks. In the mornings my Aunt, little niece(sister) and I would venture to a friends house, and practice Yoga together. We started out by a Yoga teacher on Youtube, who goes by the name Sadie Nardini. She was inspirational, motivating, fun, all the attributes I believe a Yoga teacher should in fact be. To me, not just any teacher will be the right one for you. It's kind of like searching for your own yoga mat that fits with your aura.

   Right now I am also in my last trimester of my second pregnancy. Actually - I am on my last month. (Thank god) So as not to push my body too hard, make myself sick, I have been doing Prenatal yoga whenever I can muscle up the energy. Yoga with Adriene is one of my other favorites on youtube that I follow. She's quirky, and puts me at ease. And for prenatal yoga, her videos are perfect. 

   If you are new to yoga, or wanting to get into the practice, know you don't always have to attend a class. I've never attended one, for me it's always been due to time or financial side of things, one day i'd love to go to an actual class. But in your own home is just as good and beneficial. Remember, the practice is nonjudgmental, which is another reason why I fell so in love with it. I've never been the fittest, or strongest or really in the best shape. But with yoga it made me have the motivation to fight for that strength I had been searching for. And I was able to accomplish that in my own way. 

   Here are a few youtube people that I like to follow,

-Yoga With Adriene

-Sadie Nardini

-BrettLarkinYoga

-Yoga TX

&

-KinoYoga


One I didn't find on youtube however, I actually found her on google play on my phone is 

-Gaiam:Faith Hunter (Especially her Spiritually Fly series)


   If you have a favorite way of practicing yoga, or have a favorite teacher you follow, post, blog or anything yogi/yoga related, please SHARE! As everyone who admires yoga should know, that the practice is a lifelong one. You learn and grow in every single day! There is never a complete standstill in the practice. 


-Namaste

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I am a big fish lover. I love cooking but when it comes to seafood - its my favorite to work with. Tonight I decided to try two new recipes since my mom is on a health kick. Helping her find new recipes and dishes to eat is fun for me!

Each fish tonight is a salmon fillet. All baked in the oven at 400° for about 20-25 minutes. My pesto one I decided to do in tin foil and added a bit of lemon pepper and a few slices of tomato.

The other two, are pretty much the same. Except for the tin foil one I decided to add some unsweetened coconut. But that fillet has wax peppers, baked in a mango marinade with a sriracha drizzle.

Each recipe is pretty simple.

Ingredients Used:
unsweetened coconut shreds
tomato, sliced.
homemade pesto sauce
Lemon pepper
coconut oil
olive oil
World Harbors Island Style Mango marinade
Sriracha sauce
Wax peppers

and WA-LA!

next time I want to try baking the others in tin foil as well. And try them with different veggies. I'd love to be able to grill them, but in order for that I need a grill of course. Then I can add some pineapple as well. YUM!

If you decide on trying this, please let me know how it turns out for you and if you added YOUR own twist.

-Namaste ✌

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At the start of each new year us as human beings always like to think of it as a fresh start. New beginnings you can say, which welcome more chances at "getting it right".

The year 2015 was especially a hard but very meaningful year for me. I lost one of my good friends I grew up with. Lost my great grandfather. Spent the majority of the year without a job or source of income. Which for me, being the independent person that I am was extremely hard. But on top of that, the part that made it all so meaningful, was me becoming a mother to my warrior goddess.

If you personally know me, you know how much I love my moon child. No it isn't just a "mother thing" for me it is so much more. For me it was all about connection. A bond that a mother & daughter have, that two souls reconnecting have after being seperated for so long.

My new year resolutions, were easy to think up to say the least. Keeping in mind that I was a new mom, & it was more than just myself I was thinking about now. Becoming a better me, growing in my spiritual area. Letting go &  not being so hateful. They are things plus more that I want to show my daughter is a part of life, is possible. I want to show my daughter that her mother is strong. Be a good role model for her. Even at such a little age, with her being just under a year, her mind herself in general is like a sponge. It soaks up everything she sees you do and/or say. With her being so intelligent in certain aspects already it makes me nervous thinking about the mistakes she has seen me make already. But for now, I am letting all that go, taking into thought that we are all human. From here is where our biggest journey together begins. Especially with her becoming a big sister. We will both be having very important roles to fill out.

My resolution, is to be like the lotus. Or more so.... become the Lotus.

Namaste

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