What should i do? Should i do what i think is right for me or should i listen to them? They're telling me that they have my best interest at heart but somehow, it feels like all they want is the attention. Why can't they understand that it'll make me miserable. Should i just give up and follow their advice.. or demands? Should i give up on life already? On the other hand, if i listen to them and loose at life, then it wont be on me.
I need to stop daydreaming and stop living life as if it is a movie. Even if everyone is watching my movie, I have to start living to make memories. Im 19 years old and I already feel like half of my life is wasted. I have never been this lost.. I want to be confident in my decisions and be in control but it scares me not knowing how the future will turn out.
It's been almost 6 months since i finished school but it all still feels like a dream. Did i really spend three years of my life doing nothing, achieving nothing and fulfilling none of my goals? I want to say that having you there with me made it easier and worth it but to be honest, you were actually never there, only always on my mind. I made you into a person you never was to begin with and I continued that lie for three years but now it's been six months since I last saw you and I wish I had gotten to know you better. I wish I had given you the opportunity to be You and I wish I hadn't been so blindsided by my own daydreams.
For some reason, i already know how this all will end.
Everything's so boring. Now I'm bored and I can tell you are as well. Trying to find any excuse to hear your voice but I'm running out of options and you can't seem to care less. What should I do? This isn't a one persons job. But obviously none of this is your fault. You seem to have lost interest. I can't hope for something thats not meant for but I do hope we are meant to be.
I love it when we talk, i try not to mess up but its quite hard when you're moving your lips like that. I can stare at them for hours but i'm afraid to get caught. The way your eyes shimmer when you talk about the things you love and the way your mouth forms a smile whenever we seem to joke around. It's all so beautiful, you're just so damn beautiful. It's hard to compare you with someone else because that wouldn't be fair to them. You're so different but yet so similar. I'm aware of who i am and who you can get, but i want to be yours. I act like your friend because thats the only relationship we can have, i have my reasons and you have yours but oh how i wish we could just escape. Grab your hand and touch your fingers when we're alone instead of getting hypnotised by them whenever i catch a glimpse. Touching those lips with my thumb and finally giving you the kiss i constantly dream of.
Its obvious, I want you, every single part and flaw of you.
You will enter a teenage girls mind, alive in this odd and somewhat amusing world. My thoughts and opinions will all be shared, not because i need your pity but because they need to be expressed. I will write whenever i please. I might post regularly and somedays i might not post at all. Im making this and writing everything that pops up in my head with hopes that when i someday look back, i will not remain the same overthinking, boring and sick-of-my-life type of girl.