I've always been a person with vivid dreams. Super clear and either scary or very stressful. It has a lot of times gotten to the point where I don't want to go to sleep because I just can't take another dream. I wish I was one of those people who never remember their dreams, that would be really awesome.
So speaking of dreams. I keep having this really annoying recurring dream. I dream of my ex. For about three years I kept having dreams about us becoming friends again, and every time I was happy to wake up knowing it was just a bad dream. Then about a year ago I had a dream about me forgiving him, and it felt good, so good that it even felt like I had forgiven him in real life. I just got in to a new relationship with a wonderful man. I have known him since forever but my romantic feelings for him are still very new. Anyway, I keep dreaming about my ex, but now the dreams aren't just about becoming friends with him again. Now for some reason I really want to have sex with him! You can all imagine how totally weird and wrong that feels. But my feelings for him are really strong in my dreams, it's not feelings of love, more like, feelings of temptation. I'm so tempted to sleep with him and I keep asking myself if my current boyfriend would be mad at me if I did (ha ha). Then I wake up and I feel absolutely nothing for my ex, and absolutely everything for my boyfriend.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this as the overthinker I am. I do absolutely believe that we process things from our daily life when we sleep. I think of dreams as metaphors, I don't take them literately but I think they have a lot to say about how we feel. I don't think my dreams our trying to say that I still have feelings for my ex, but what I do think is that my feelings for my current boyfriend reminds me of how I used to feel for my ex. Simply because I haven't felt like this since then. My ex was my first everything, so of course my thoughts will always go back to him. I don't believe there's anything wrong with that, I think it's human. We all have or have had people in our lives that meant a lot. How can you forget that? What I think is important in a situation like this, when you meet someone new, is to try not to compare the relationships to much. I know this is almost impossible, but what I've learned is that my ex and my boyfriend are two complete different people. So even if some of the feeling that I feel are similar the love is completely different. The love I have for my boyfriend is so different, the whole relationship is different. So when people ask how you can ever love someone new after a breakup I think that's how. You will love the next one different, in a whole new way. Our hearts are bigger than we think, we can love more than one person. Maybe just not in the same way.
Dreams dreams dreams. I hate you, but I love you too.