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I'm sorry its been so long. I have thought about writing this post for quite some time now however I've never managed until now. Perhaps it is because this is something personal to me and I don't know where to start. But let me start by asking you this: 

How many of you feel like you have no voice? That what you have to say doesn't matter? 

I've felt this way for the last two years but I am tired of feeling like I am being silenced so I think I am writing this post to reclame my voice and hopefully find myself along the way. 

It all started around two years ago. I had a friend, or at least I thought she was my friend. She made me happy but she also had a way of making you feel like you were blessed just to be around her. Being with her was like being part of a secret world that you had to be invited to join. I never quite messured up to her. She was always better, funnier and more talented. If I made the cheer squad, she became captain. If I got a role in the school play, she got the lead. If I was talking to someone, she started talking louder. If I liked a boy,she made sure he fell for her. I've always been outgoing and talkative but she made me quiet I changed to be her friend, to be a part of this world she had created. I dont think I even realized how much I had changed until one day, about a year ago, when I no longer was good enough to be her friend. She had traded me in for a newer, shinnier toy and I was kicked to the curb. 

I had gotten so used to being on the sideline that I no longer knew how to play the game. I felt worthless, like everytime I opened my mouth the wrong thing came out. So I stayed quiet, loosing a little bit more of myself for every day. I was alone, feeling like no one cared if I was there or not. You wanna know what the worse part was? I still wanted to be her friend. It didn't matter that she had robbed me of both my voice and everything I was, because without her I was NOTHING 

Nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing I could be. I'd spent so much time trying to be her friend that I had forgotten how to be me. I didn't want to go to school because who would even care if I came. I would sit with people during lunch, listening to them talk abot parties I wasn't invited to. I tried a couple times to butt in but it always ended with someone raising their voice,shutting me out, so I stopped trying. 

I just recently realized that I don't have to stay silent and that no one, and I really mean NO ONE, has the right to make you forget who you are. I am done feeling like I have no voice. I am done being a girl I don't recognize. The only person that has the right to change me is ME. I've stoppped trying to be her friend and started to hang out with people that care about me, I have stopped trying to be a part of conversations that don't recognise me and started to focus on the ones where my opinions are valued. I am saying this to all of you, if you are where I used to be or not, but you are not WORTHLESS and neither are your opinions. What you have to say matters and no one has the right to take away your voice. If this happens to you it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you, it just means you need to find a new audience. 

xoxo

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I am gonna skip forward a bit today. I am gonna go back to 2009 and everything that happened back then soon but yesterday I started to think about the time that Justin Bieber was in Sweden and I felt a need to tell you guys about the best and worse days of my life. I've never told anyone this but I guess being anonymous has its up sides.

In order for this to make sense we need to go back to Sunday the 21st of April 2013.

I have been to 6 Justin Bieber concerts in my life- One in Norway, two in Denmark, Two in Sweden and one in the US. I saw My world tour once, Believe Tour Europe four times and Believe leg 2 once. Basically being a belieber has bankrupt me since my parents do not pay a single dime of my concert tickets or the trips that come with them. Anyways, I had seen Justin live before but this was the first time ( and maybe the only time) he was in my home country and therefor it felt different, like it was the first time again.

Rumor had it that Justin would be arriving from Denmark on Sunday the 21st so I left home at 4.30 in the morning to make sure I was at the hotel early. In Sweden there is only one hotel a celebrity like Justin could stay at so everyone that wanted to see him would know where to go. I wanted to be early. Get there before the masses. No one of my friends were as much of a belieber as me- actually stratch that, they were fans not beliebers. Anyways I went alone. I got there around five in the morning and only a couple of girls sat outside the hotel, wrapped in blankets and sipping on coffees, trying to ignore the bitter cold weather this morning had brought. I went over to them and we started talking. We sat there all day, people came and left, but the mass kept on growing. When I got there we were only 7, but that afternoon there were hundreds of people outside the hotel. That evening, after hours of waiting in first the freezing cold and then the immense heat that followed we realized that Justin wasn't coming today. Exhausted from not eating all day and being pushed around by crazy fans I went home, hoping to get a couple of hours of sleep before having to leave for the concert.


Heres the thing. For the first concert in Sweden, me and my best friend had general floor tickets. In sweden that means no chairs, just a massive open space with thousands of people sqeezed into it.Therefore to queue is crucial.

Since my best friend had recently gone through surgery on her foot and was now walking on crutches, the plan was that I was going to go alone to the stadium, get a good spot in line and she was going to join me once her parents could give her a ride.

I left home just after midnight with only a couple of hours of sleep and 19 hours before the concert started. For me to get to the stadium I needed to take a bus and then the subway, however the last bus had long since already gone. As the stubborn 16 year old I was I started to walk the dimmed streets towards the subway. When I hit the woods and the streetlights stopped I ran the last kilometers to the station. I was terrified. It was dark, bitter cold and completely silent. The only thing I could hear was my heart racing and my lungs trying to grasp the freezing air. In my mind I kept thinking "It will all be worth it you'll see. Once you see Justin, it will all be worth it".

Panting and shaking I stumbled into the subway station. It was completely empty and the last train was just about to leave. Happiness fluttered through my body because now the worse was over, right? It would have been if I would not have dropped my bus card somewhere along the way. I wanted to scream, this couldn't be happening. But after emptying my bag around a dussin times and watching the last train leave the station I had no other choice then to accept the fact, that I was stuck on the train station with no where to go. I had no money , no ticket and most of all no idea what to do next. It was five hours until the next train and by that time this would all have been for nothing. I figured my only choice was to go forward for two reasons 1) I was terrified to go back through the woods again and 2) This could not have been for nothing. I was going to see Justin and I was going to see him from the first row if it so was the last thing I did.

I took up google maps and started to type in the stadium so I had some Idea of how to get there. The distance was 21km or 13 miles. I felt my heart sinking but I knew I had no other choice. I started to walk on empty and poorly lit streets. Outside it was freezing cold and frost covered the grass making it look silver in this light.I was only wearing a fake leather jacket and the feeling in my fingers and toes were starting to disappear. I started running hoping that my cold body would come to life. I could hear a car coming up behind me so I started running faster but it catched up to me. Turned out it wasn't a car but a bus and the driver had just finished her shift and was driving the bus to a parking space. She stopped just next to me, opened the door and with a kind voice said "What is a girl like you doing out this late. Don't you have school tomorrow? Jump in I'll gove you a lift". I just stood there for a while trying to understandhe situation.My body was almost paralyzed with cold and I was in no position to say no to a ride so I jumped in. I explained to the lady where I was going and she sat there listening as she drove me a couple of kilometers before she had to continue to the parking without me. I thanked her, realizing how truely thankful I was to her, and she smiled and said "Go get that Justin Bieber now but stay out of trouble" and that was the last I saw of her.

Once again I was alone, but I could feel my body again and my feet had gotten new energy. I still had a long way to go and I had no time to waste, so I started walking/running again. Most of the time I had no idea where I was going, and I lost my way a couple of times but sometimes I recognized myself and it made me relieved. I walked through suburb neighbourhoods, ran through dark and deserted parks, made my way on long, quiet streets, lost my way in industrial areas before I finally started to get into the inner city of Stockholm.

Never before in my life had I been in Stockholm in the middle of the night like this. The city was quiet. Actually it almost felt peaceful. It calmed me down, watching the city sleep for a second however it did not last for long before the pain in my frozen fingers catched up with me. I tried to ignore it, and started running again. I kept thinking in my head "You do this for him. It will all be worth it once you see him. Years of mean comments, the endless hours supporting him, THIS. It will all be worth it". I passed drunk men calling me names and homeless people sleeping in dark allies. As much as possible I tried to avoid situations I thought would lead to danger. I switched sides of the street when a group of drunk men came toward me, I ran a bit further to avoid running through a narrow and dark alley and toned out the comments like "whore" and "hey sexy" to the best of my ability. Running started to come naturally now. My body was moving, my heart was beating strong in my cheast and I felt no pain. It was like I was outside of my own body and I was moving without even realizing it. That was when I saw it: the stadium. My whole body was felt with hope and new energy. Perhaps, just perhaps I could make it.

It was around 3 o'clock in the morning when I stumbled in on the stadium area and I finally could stop running. The sun was just about to rise, as it does at 3 in the morning during swedish spring. As I watched the sky turn pink the pain hit me. I could no longer feel my fingers and the pain in my toes were unbearable. My feet were pounding and it felt like someone had dragged a thousand knifes through my lungs. I could barely breath and my heart was no longer pumping steady, it was getting ready to burst out of my cheast at any moment. However I couldn't stop now, I knew that. I made my way toward the tent and the tiny group of girls that had already made it here. I feel down with exhaustion next to the girls, got a number on my hand and a blanket to cover me up. Much more than that I don't remember. The pain made everything blurry. Just as I was starting to feel okay a muscular man with a flashlight came up to us and said we were not yet allowed to line up here, we had to come back in a couple of hours. I was ready to burst, I thought I would start crying an not be able to stop. This could not have been for nothing. It couldn't have. But nothing happened. We just willingly moved. Since we no longer were allowed to line up outside of the stadium I made my way down into a subway station with some other girls. However everyone had their friends and I felt alone even when I was with them.

We sat in the subway station for hours- turned out to be the worsed hours of the night. Sure, it wasn't as cold and I maintained feeling in my fingers and toes throughout the entire time but as I sat on a bench, half asleep a young man sat down next to me. He sat there quiet for a while before he introduced himself in english. Turned out he was from the UK. I quickly said my name and tried to move a bit further away without it being to obvious. He started asking me about the best nightclubs and I politely explained that I had just turned sixteen and that I was not allowe to go out for another two years, but that he could probably ask any adult and they would help him. I hoped this would make him leave but he stayed. He sat quiet for a little while longer moving a little bit closer. I could feel my body tensing and the blood freezing in my veins, Something felt very wrong.My brain was screaming for me to get away from there but i couldn't. Then he started asking me about boyfriends. my sexlife, how long it had been since I had had sex and more questions I can even write out. This conversation still haunts my nightmares and I have never been as scared as I was then. I was SIXTEEN. I didn't know what to say and what to do. When he moved once again closer to me, I made up an excuse about my I had to leave and I ran. I ran to the public bathroom at the station, looked myself in there and sat there crying for half an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with me. The room was pale and smelled horrible but none of it mattered. I felt dead inside and this room matched that feeling. I talked on the phone with my best friend but I could not bring myself to say what had happened. I still never talk about this. The man never did anything but the way he made me feel, the questions he asked, the way he did it, I NEVER want anyone to experience that. When my breathing was slowing down and I was all out of tears I realized I could not stay in this bathroom. I once again told myself "I want to see Justin. He is in Sweden. This will not have been a waste. This WILL be worth it" The remaining time we spent at that subway station, I sat as close as possible to the other girls. Talking to them making sure I was never alone again. The man had left but I still felt scared and the paranoia refused to leave.

Finally we were able to start lining up outside of the areana. We had already made a system at the subway so everything moved on quite smoothly. My best friend came after a couple of hours. We didn't talk about the night, I think she realized that I wasn't ready so we focused on other things. She slept for a while ad I tried to do the same but I couldn't instead I remeber thinking about what my classmates where doing in school at the time. Time passed and the concert was getting closer and closer until all of a sudden we were standing there, front row and everything, and the countdown was starting.

The stadium was in pitch dark for a second. In that moment you could feel the excitement in the air, it was almost as if you could touch it. It felt like the entire stadium was holding it breath, waiting. And then the coundown started. 16,000 people screamed, first just of excitement and then the numbers 7.......6......5..........4....... I remeber that in that moment I felt like it was all worth it. The hate and the comments I had recieved for years due to the fact that I was a belieber, the endless hours of supporting him. THESE 24 hours. EVERYTHING was worth it. There are few times in your life that you are genuinely happy. All to few times compared to the times we pretend to be. But in this moment I was JUST truely happy.

The concert started and I have never been happier. I was seening my lifesaver on stage and I was singing my heart out with every song eventhough my ribs were pushed up against the fence and I would be brused for days. The pushing amoung fans increased and after half a song I had lost my best friend and I had know idea where she was now but I kept a convulsively hold of the fence. After a couple of songs I started to feel dizzy, however I told myself it was just because of the increasing heat in the staduim and I ignored it. After a couple more songs I became even dizzier and my vision became blurred. A security man came up to me and just said "We need to get you out of here you are going to faint". I wanted to scream and cry. This couldn't be happening. But I had no energy left. The sleep deprivation from the last two days, combined with the fact that I had run around 20K, not eaten more than 2 meals in two days, and consumed way to little water was to much for most bodies to take. Adding the strom of feeling assosiated with seeing my idol and being pushed up against an iron fence my body said stop.

Its a blur from there. the next thing I remeber is sitting on a chair on the sidelines, sipping on a plastic cup of water and trying to watch Justin perform through the flood tears . A security guy looks at me "You were lucky. If you would have fainted completely they would have taken you out of here.What's the deal with this guy anyways?" Im LUCKY I thought angrily. Lucky is the opposite of what I am. This sucks. I couldn't stop crying. What was happning with me? All of a sudden a women was kneeling in front of me. I realize it was Jen. She asked me " Are you okay honey? Why are you crying?". I was shaking a trembling to find the words so I just said "I love him so much..... I love him with all my heart". She nodded and said "But I am sure he wouldn't want you to cry. I have something I need to do now but remember he loves you too" then she walked over to one of the girls that had seats behind me, whispered something to her, making the girl jump up and down and lead her away from there. I realize the OLLG had been choosen. I had seen my dream slip through my fingers.But I didn't have time to think about it because I could hear someone scream my name behind me. It was my best friend. I hugged her so tight and started crying again. She had seen me get lifted out and had tried to find me. We enjoyed the rest of the concert from the sideline. Once you just accepted the situation the sielines weren't all that bad. We could see that stage great, there was no pushing and we got candy from the security guy.

I am pretty sure I fell asleep in the car on the drive home. Exhausted and full of happiness. Now you might think I have exaggerate or that I am only looking for attention but this is my concert experience from start to end. It might be an exaggeraion from the truth, I would't know because I have told it exactly like I remember it. The 22nd of April was amoung the best days and the worst days of my life. This is why justin means so much to me. He isn't just a part of the good in my life but the bad as well. Things from that night still haunt me and might do so for the rest of my life. If I could I would erease it all but in the end it was worth it for me. I just needed to tell you my story and in some ways I myself needed it to be told.

My concert experience included sleep deprivation,waiting outide an hotell for 13 hours only to find out Justin was comming the day after, ditching school, running through the woods to a subway station in the middle of the night, loosing my buscard, Missing the last train, alone having to run half a marathon through stockholm in the middle of the night, getting a ride by a busdriver, getting hit on by drunk men, getting lost, finding my way again, loosing feeling in fingers and toes, crashing in a subway station, being victim of sexual harassment, crying at a public bathroom,waiting in line for 16 hours, loosing site of my best friend before the concert had barely started, almost passing out, talking to Jen, getting candy by a security guy but most importantly of all I got to see my idol and my lifesaver. I got to feel pure happiness and excitement. I did it because I love him. All of the things above I did because I love him. In the end it was all worth it because I got to see him perform. 

To all you haters out there; think twice before juding a belieber or any fangirl. You do not know their story.

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I don’t expect you to understand, most people probably won’t but if it wasn’t for the boy you called gay I might not have been where I am today. Hate all you want on me, there’s probably nothing you can say that I haven’t already heard. But if you don’t like what I’m writing shut this blog down, erase it from your memory and don’t give it another thought. This is my story, I can’t change it and I don’t want to but I can’t force you to like it. If you hate all beliebers do so but frankly you know nothing about us. Here you might just learn about the screaming, crying,”crazy” girls you hate on. But if you don’t want to, stop reading right away and go back to cowardly commenting on some pure girls twitter account about how stupid she is.




“you fat fucking virgin. Go and get some friends, loser”

“go on a diet fat slag, Justin Bieber doesn’t even know who you are”

“Beliebers are clearly fat fucking virgins that have no friends, hence why they stalk the shit out of the gay cunt.”

“Slut. Go and kill yourself please”

“wished I could sell all of you beliebers into slavery”

“fucking twelve year old, isn’t it past your bedtime”

“slut”

“cunt”

“whore”

“go and cut for bieber“

“ kill yourself”


These are all comments that I or friends of mine have received on twitter. Honestly I receive hate like this daily and most beliebers do as well. I was 13 years old when I started to get hate like this. Being a teenage girl is hard as it is without a stranger telling you that you are a “ugly, fat whore” on a daily basis.


The worst part is, you don’t know if it gets easier or if you just get used to it. If you just find that little switch that can turn it off for a while, or if your skin has just grown the slightest thicker making hurt just a little less. Because somewhere along the way it just stops hurting as much. But let me tell you something; it doesn’t matter if you’ve been exposed to it for a day or 365 of them, having a stranger hating on you for no explicit reason but your taste in music hurts. We just get used to the pain, and it may hurt less but it still hurt.

The first year/ years were the hardest. Not only had the rest of the world stubbled into this little secret world that I had started to love but they were now violating this new home of mine. I went from being able to express my love for this little youtube boy without anyone even raising an eyebrow to not even being able to say his name without someone juging me. Because of this I now longer felt I had a voice. I became scilent. Few people today would take me for a belieber because the hate got to me. It made me silent. Getting hate almost ever day got to me. Being a twelve year old girl is har enough as it is without getting hate from strangers for somethng as ridiculus as what music you like. I wanted to ignore it, I wanted to stay strong. Correction; I was STRONG. But there is also so much hate one person can take and only a few years as a belieber I had alreay had it.

Listen to me carefully now. Hating on someone online is cowardly and you have no idea what it might do to the person recieving it. Thats a person you are saying that to. A PERSON. You might not feel like your comment is that bad but you have no idea how many others just like it that person has recieved. There were days when I got 30 messages on social medias about how childish,fat an ugly I was just because I liked Justin Bieber. These comments came from people I have never met, people who know nothing about me but I still started to believe them. I am stronger now and I can take more but I shouln't have to be. I am someones daughter, sister and friend. I have flaws and I have doubts. I might be a future nobel prize winner or a multi-millionare. I am a person you might pass on the street or bump in to on the bus. And so is each an every one of the people you attack. WE ARE PEOPLE. We have a name and we feel just as much as anyone else. You cannot judge for you know nothing about us. Hating on someone else will not help you. Trust me. It does no one any good

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That was the end of the beginning, or the beginning of the end of the secret Justin Bieber. After that he would no longer be a hidden talent only known by the few of us that had stumbled upon it, here on out he would be a name well-known, a name in the making of history. No one could have ever anticipated the life Justin Bieber would be living only a few years later. At that time, and keep in mind this is only six years ago, no one made it big from youtube and honestly I didn’t think Justin Bieber would either.

There’s something you need to know about me. I like facts. Black on white, we are all born and we all die, facts. Dreams for me was only a waste of time.Why dream about something that was never gonna happen, right? I knew I wasn’t gonna be a popstar or be the first person to walk on the moon.


I struggle with faith, because faith means believing in what can’t be proven. The point is all of a sudden the little boy in oversized clothing, with all the odds against him, started to make his dream come true. That was when I started believing. Justin was the proof I desperately needed. He showed me that if you put the time and energy in you can make your dreams come true no matter the odds. It may sound cheesy but for a twelve year old girl obsessed with certainties starting to believe in dreams, the most uncertain thing of all, was huge. I never though a person I’d never met could affect me but somehow he did. The special thing about Justin was that we could ,thanks to the internet, be a part of his world. This meant that we could follow every step he took towards his dream. Even now I could never have imagined the success Justin was soon gonna get. I don’t know how it happened but slowly and the all at once Justin Bieber started tearing my walls down. Thats when One Time made it big, spreading like wild fire. That was it. The bullet proofed certainty that some dreams really do come true. He had taught me to believe in my dreams and never give up on them no matter what.

That was the first thing I learned from Justin Bieber. And don’t worry this isn’t a story about how that lessoned helped me to proceed in making my dream of becoming a pop star or movie actress come true. I’m still just a normal girl, living in the mostly grey sweden and writing on a blog that no one might ever read. I wish it was more glamorous  but life isn’t that way. We don’t always get our wish granted. This is a story about the truth. And the truth is that was only the beginning of the impact Justin Bieber was gonna have on my life.


Your world is my world

And my fight is your fight

My breath is your breath


It was the spring in 2009 that One time finally came out and it started to climb the charts. Making it in the top 20, that was to me making it big. The secret bubble we’d had on youtube was already popped and our hidden world was crumbling down, being intruded by the rest of the world. That was the end of the little secret Justin Bieber we’d had because now he was exposed to the world. It was a one way ticket out, no way to get a ticket back. That really was, the end of the beginning.


I remember one day when I was sitting in class quietly humming the melody of One time and out of the blue the boy in front of me turned around flickering his eyes, letting out a loud, annoyed sigh. “Not Justin Bieber” he said not even trying to hide the disapproval in his voice. I know he was trying to be a pain in the ass, triggering a reaction. But I couldn’t help to smile cause if a boy in sweden could recognize a Justin Bieber song just from the low humming of it, that could only mean one thing. I smiled even bigger because in that moment I knew Justin Bieber had made it.  I just put the earphone back in, increasing the volume and shutting out the world once again.

.

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It all started October 6th, 2007


It was a sunday, I think. Actually now that i check it was a saturday. I could say that the golden beams of the sun was lighting up the lavender pink sky and that everything was quiet like the world was asleep. But to be honest I don’t remember. Considering that it was October and I live in Sweden, total of about 65 days of sun a year, everything was probably grey.Rain was most likely in the air and the sun was probably covered by thick clouds in 50 shades of grey. If that wasn’t the title of an erotic novel it would probably be the best way to describe sweden in october. But none of this really matters, cause the thing I remember from that first saturday of october is not the color of the sky or the probability of rain, it was the youtube video I stumbled across by accident. Like any 10 year old i was starting to discover the magical world of YouTube, spending most of my time awake watching videos of cute kittens hiding in drawers and music videos of the latest Kelly Clarkson songs. At the time I didn’t know what spotify was (did that even exist in 2007?) and my use of iTunes was limited, so most of the time I listened to music on youtube. This was more than seven years ago and most details from that day are long since forgotten so I don’t recall how I found the video of a little 13 year old boy singing his lungs out to For You by Elliott Yamin but I know that it was the beginning of a long story. That boy was Justin Bieber.

At the time I didn’t know how much this little boy in a size too big t-shirt making home videos of him singing would mean to me. Knowing all the consequences and the impact he has had on my life and most of all the consequences of liking him would mean, all the hate, all the heartbreak, the tears and the pain would I go back and shut the computer down and forget about the boy that would take up such a big part of my life? To be honest I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not have deserved to find that video just that day. To erase him from my life would be like taking away a part of myself.


I’ve been wanting to write down all of this for a long time, not that I actually believe that anyone will ever read this but more for myself. But I’ve been staring at blank papers with a mind full of words that just won’t come out because it feels like no words make justice to the secret I had stumbled upon. Back then a secret was all Justin Bieber was to the world. No screaming and crying beliebers did yet exist, no tabloids about the popstars vacation in bahamas were being sold, no record label, no drama, nothing. All he was there in October of 2007 was a well hidden secret just waiting to be shown of to the world.


But we all know, no secret can be kept forever, no matter how much we try to hide it. At the time I could think of nothing better than for the world to be let in on this magical secret I had found. Now I would do anything just to get a couple more of those days when the world did not yet know the name Justin Bieber.But he gave me a secret world in those numbered days and I will forever be grateful for the 590 days I got with that secret Justin Bieber.

I don’t know what I fell for most at the time, him or the idea of him. He provided an illusion that you were let in on a secret that no one else could know, creating a secret little world around him. At the time I think that was what I needed. I’d just started a new class, after spending the last six months in the US, and frankly I didn’t have anyone. The friends I had before had moved on, cause in fourth grade a best friendship lasted about as long as a celebrity marriage. I wouldn’t say I was depressed but I was gloomy, missing everything that I used to have, longing to meet people that I wouldn’t and go to places that I couldn’t. That, with all likelyhood grey, saturday Justin Bieber provided me with an escape from my wistful reality and for the first time in a long time I just felt genuinely happy.

                                                          

He had put out the bait but when Set a place at your table was released I was hooked. I tried to tell people about the amazingly talented kid I had found but of course they refused to listen. (Sidenote: Many of these two years later tried to come to me to tell me about this kid named Justin Bieber that they had found. Ironic isn’t it.) So I let it be my secret but I started to notice the numbers growing, knowing people were catching up on his talent even though my attempts to spread it had failed. I wasn’t his first fan,not his second or 100th either but I know I’ve been a fan since the first time I saw him and most of all I know I will always be one.

Many people think Justin Bieber was an overnight success, that really isn’t the case. There was a lot of work behind that first single and we got to witness it first hand. All those videos were just building blocks of  a base for something much bigger, the growing number of fans already promoting him was a start of one of the biggest fan bases in the world and Kidrauhl was just that start of what later became the pop star Justin Bieber. It is true, we found him before the record label did, we found him before Scooter Braun did, therefore he has always belonged to us. He is not a product of a company but the outcome of dedicated fans. Because that's what we are, what we’ve always been, Dedicated.


Back then it was all so easy. No haters, no drama, no fights and no tears. All we had was this little world we had created around the boy in the baggy t-shirts singing covers online. That was it. We didn’t have anything else, we had no guarantee he would make it, no clue if he would ever get signed and no way to predict how far his talented would go. If I were to go back and tell ten year old me watching those youtube clips of Justin Bieber that he would be the biggest pop star in the world I wouldn’t even believe myself. But I did believe in him. I believe he deserved to be more noticed than he was and that his talent was too good to only be heard by a couple of thousands online. Sure enough 2009 came and so did One time.


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Have you ever moved as kid? More than once? If  you have, you get used to the idea of not getting attached to anything or anyone because you don’t wanna experience the wrenching, heartbreaking feeling of letting go. It’s sad because somewhere along with the packing in boxes and packing the same ones up, saying goodbye becomes a routine. I wasn’t old when we moved, and we only moved a couple times but it made an impact. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for the things I got to see and the people I got to know but if I could forget, I would forget those goodbyes. Why you may wonder? Do you know how hard it is to say goodbye, knowing you will never say hello again?


There was this girl that used to shut the world out, afraid of getting hurt when having to let go. So she pushed everyone away, because she had learned that the easiest way not to get your heart broken is to pretend you don’t have one.She would be happy towards the world but never let anyone in. Building walls to protect herself. But then something happened and along came the boy she had never met. He brought those walls down without ever knowing her name. That girl used to be me and this is my story.


It all started October 6th, 2007


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