I am gonna skip forward a bit today. I am gonna go back to 2009 and everything that happened back then soon but yesterday I started to think about the time that Justin Bieber was in Sweden and I felt a need to tell you guys about the best and worse days of my life. I've never told anyone this but I guess being anonymous has its up sides.
In order for this to make sense we need to go back to Sunday the 21st of April 2013.
I have been to 6 Justin Bieber concerts in my life- One in Norway, two in Denmark, Two in Sweden and one in the US. I saw My world tour once, Believe Tour Europe four times and Believe leg 2 once. Basically being a belieber has bankrupt me since my parents do not pay a single dime of my concert tickets or the trips that come with them. Anyways, I had seen Justin live before but this was the first time ( and maybe the only time) he was in my home country and therefor it felt different, like it was the first time again.
Rumor had it that Justin would be arriving from Denmark on Sunday the 21st so I left home at 4.30 in the morning to make sure I was at the hotel early. In Sweden there is only one hotel a celebrity like Justin could stay at so everyone that wanted to see him would know where to go. I wanted to be early. Get there before the masses. No one of my friends were as much of a belieber as me- actually stratch that, they were fans not beliebers. Anyways I went alone. I got there around five in the morning and only a couple of girls sat outside the hotel, wrapped in blankets and sipping on coffees, trying to ignore the bitter cold weather this morning had brought. I went over to them and we started talking. We sat there all day, people came and left, but the mass kept on growing. When I got there we were only 7, but that afternoon there were hundreds of people outside the hotel. That evening, after hours of waiting in first the freezing cold and then the immense heat that followed we realized that Justin wasn't coming today. Exhausted from not eating all day and being pushed around by crazy fans I went home, hoping to get a couple of hours of sleep before having to leave for the concert.
Heres the thing. For the first concert in Sweden, me and my best friend had general floor tickets. In sweden that means no chairs, just a massive open space with thousands of people sqeezed into it.Therefore to queue is crucial.
Since my best friend had recently gone through surgery on her foot and was now walking on crutches, the plan was that I was going to go alone to the stadium, get a good spot in line and she was going to join me once her parents could give her a ride.
I left home just after midnight with only a couple of hours of sleep and 19 hours before the concert started. For me to get to the stadium I needed to take a bus and then the subway, however the last bus had long since already gone. As the stubborn 16 year old I was I started to walk the dimmed streets towards the subway. When I hit the woods and the streetlights stopped I ran the last kilometers to the station. I was terrified. It was dark, bitter cold and completely silent. The only thing I could hear was my heart racing and my lungs trying to grasp the freezing air. In my mind I kept thinking "It will all be worth it you'll see. Once you see Justin, it will all be worth it".
Panting and shaking I stumbled into the subway station. It was completely empty and the last train was just about to leave. Happiness fluttered through my body because now the worse was over, right? It would have been if I would not have dropped my bus card somewhere along the way. I wanted to scream, this couldn't be happening. But after emptying my bag around a dussin times and watching the last train leave the station I had no other choice then to accept the fact, that I was stuck on the train station with no where to go. I had no money , no ticket and most of all no idea what to do next. It was five hours until the next train and by that time this would all have been for nothing. I figured my only choice was to go forward for two reasons 1) I was terrified to go back through the woods again and 2) This could not have been for nothing. I was going to see Justin and I was going to see him from the first row if it so was the last thing I did.
I took up google maps and started to type in the stadium so I had some Idea of how to get there. The distance was 21km or 13 miles. I felt my heart sinking but I knew I had no other choice. I started to walk on empty and poorly lit streets. Outside it was freezing cold and frost covered the grass making it look silver in this light.I was only wearing a fake leather jacket and the feeling in my fingers and toes were starting to disappear. I started running hoping that my cold body would come to life. I could hear a car coming up behind me so I started running faster but it catched up to me. Turned out it wasn't a car but a bus and the driver had just finished her shift and was driving the bus to a parking space. She stopped just next to me, opened the door and with a kind voice said "What is a girl like you doing out this late. Don't you have school tomorrow? Jump in I'll gove you a lift". I just stood there for a while trying to understandhe situation.My body was almost paralyzed with cold and I was in no position to say no to a ride so I jumped in. I explained to the lady where I was going and she sat there listening as she drove me a couple of kilometers before she had to continue to the parking without me. I thanked her, realizing how truely thankful I was to her, and she smiled and said "Go get that Justin Bieber now but stay out of trouble" and that was the last I saw of her.
Once again I was alone, but I could feel my body again and my feet had gotten new energy. I still had a long way to go and I had no time to waste, so I started walking/running again. Most of the time I had no idea where I was going, and I lost my way a couple of times but sometimes I recognized myself and it made me relieved. I walked through suburb neighbourhoods, ran through dark and deserted parks, made my way on long, quiet streets, lost my way in industrial areas before I finally started to get into the inner city of Stockholm.
Never before in my life had I been in Stockholm in the middle of the night like this. The city was quiet. Actually it almost felt peaceful. It calmed me down, watching the city sleep for a second however it did not last for long before the pain in my frozen fingers catched up with me. I tried to ignore it, and started running again. I kept thinking in my head "You do this for him. It will all be worth it once you see him. Years of mean comments, the endless hours supporting him, THIS. It will all be worth it". I passed drunk men calling me names and homeless people sleeping in dark allies. As much as possible I tried to avoid situations I thought would lead to danger. I switched sides of the street when a group of drunk men came toward me, I ran a bit further to avoid running through a narrow and dark alley and toned out the comments like "whore" and "hey sexy" to the best of my ability. Running started to come naturally now. My body was moving, my heart was beating strong in my cheast and I felt no pain. It was like I was outside of my own body and I was moving without even realizing it. That was when I saw it: the stadium. My whole body was felt with hope and new energy. Perhaps, just perhaps I could make it.
It was around 3 o'clock in the morning when I stumbled in on the stadium area and I finally could stop running. The sun was just about to rise, as it does at 3 in the morning during swedish spring. As I watched the sky turn pink the pain hit me. I could no longer feel my fingers and the pain in my toes were unbearable. My feet were pounding and it felt like someone had dragged a thousand knifes through my lungs. I could barely breath and my heart was no longer pumping steady, it was getting ready to burst out of my cheast at any moment. However I couldn't stop now, I knew that. I made my way toward the tent and the tiny group of girls that had already made it here. I feel down with exhaustion next to the girls, got a number on my hand and a blanket to cover me up. Much more than that I don't remember. The pain made everything blurry. Just as I was starting to feel okay a muscular man with a flashlight came up to us and said we were not yet allowed to line up here, we had to come back in a couple of hours. I was ready to burst, I thought I would start crying an not be able to stop. This could not have been for nothing. It couldn't have. But nothing happened. We just willingly moved. Since we no longer were allowed to line up outside of the stadium I made my way down into a subway station with some other girls. However everyone had their friends and I felt alone even when I was with them.
We sat in the subway station for hours- turned out to be the worsed hours of the night. Sure, it wasn't as cold and I maintained feeling in my fingers and toes throughout the entire time but as I sat on a bench, half asleep a young man sat down next to me. He sat there quiet for a while before he introduced himself in english. Turned out he was from the UK. I quickly said my name and tried to move a bit further away without it being to obvious. He started asking me about the best nightclubs and I politely explained that I had just turned sixteen and that I was not allowe to go out for another two years, but that he could probably ask any adult and they would help him. I hoped this would make him leave but he stayed. He sat quiet for a little while longer moving a little bit closer. I could feel my body tensing and the blood freezing in my veins, Something felt very wrong.My brain was screaming for me to get away from there but i couldn't. Then he started asking me about boyfriends. my sexlife, how long it had been since I had had sex and more questions I can even write out. This conversation still haunts my nightmares and I have never been as scared as I was then. I was SIXTEEN. I didn't know what to say and what to do. When he moved once again closer to me, I made up an excuse about my I had to leave and I ran. I ran to the public bathroom at the station, looked myself in there and sat there crying for half an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with me. The room was pale and smelled horrible but none of it mattered. I felt dead inside and this room matched that feeling. I talked on the phone with my best friend but I could not bring myself to say what had happened. I still never talk about this. The man never did anything but the way he made me feel, the questions he asked, the way he did it, I NEVER want anyone to experience that. When my breathing was slowing down and I was all out of tears I realized I could not stay in this bathroom. I once again told myself "I want to see Justin. He is in Sweden. This will not have been a waste. This WILL be worth it" The remaining time we spent at that subway station, I sat as close as possible to the other girls. Talking to them making sure I was never alone again. The man had left but I still felt scared and the paranoia refused to leave.
Finally we were able to start lining up outside of the areana. We had already made a system at the subway so everything moved on quite smoothly. My best friend came after a couple of hours. We didn't talk about the night, I think she realized that I wasn't ready so we focused on other things. She slept for a while ad I tried to do the same but I couldn't instead I remeber thinking about what my classmates where doing in school at the time. Time passed and the concert was getting closer and closer until all of a sudden we were standing there, front row and everything, and the countdown was starting.
The stadium was in pitch dark for a second. In that moment you could feel the excitement in the air, it was almost as if you could touch it. It felt like the entire stadium was holding it breath, waiting. And then the coundown started. 16,000 people screamed, first just of excitement and then the numbers 7.......6......5..........4....... I remeber that in that moment I felt like it was all worth it. The hate and the comments I had recieved for years due to the fact that I was a belieber, the endless hours of supporting him. THESE 24 hours. EVERYTHING was worth it. There are few times in your life that you are genuinely happy. All to few times compared to the times we pretend to be. But in this moment I was JUST truely happy.
The concert started and I have never been happier. I was seening my lifesaver on stage and I was singing my heart out with every song eventhough my ribs were pushed up against the fence and I would be brused for days. The pushing amoung fans increased and after half a song I had lost my best friend and I had know idea where she was now but I kept a convulsively hold of the fence. After a couple of songs I started to feel dizzy, however I told myself it was just because of the increasing heat in the staduim and I ignored it. After a couple more songs I became even dizzier and my vision became blurred. A security man came up to me and just said "We need to get you out of here you are going to faint". I wanted to scream and cry. This couldn't be happening. But I had no energy left. The sleep deprivation from the last two days, combined with the fact that I had run around 20K, not eaten more than 2 meals in two days, and consumed way to little water was to much for most bodies to take. Adding the strom of feeling assosiated with seeing my idol and being pushed up against an iron fence my body said stop.
Its a blur from there. the next thing I remeber is sitting on a chair on the sidelines, sipping on a plastic cup of water and trying to watch Justin perform through the flood tears . A security guy looks at me "You were lucky. If you would have fainted completely they would have taken you out of here.What's the deal with this guy anyways?" Im LUCKY I thought angrily. Lucky is the opposite of what I am. This sucks. I couldn't stop crying. What was happning with me? All of a sudden a women was kneeling in front of me. I realize it was Jen. She asked me " Are you okay honey? Why are you crying?". I was shaking a trembling to find the words so I just said "I love him so much..... I love him with all my heart". She nodded and said "But I am sure he wouldn't want you to cry. I have something I need to do now but remember he loves you too" then she walked over to one of the girls that had seats behind me, whispered something to her, making the girl jump up and down and lead her away from there. I realize the OLLG had been choosen. I had seen my dream slip through my fingers.But I didn't have time to think about it because I could hear someone scream my name behind me. It was my best friend. I hugged her so tight and started crying again. She had seen me get lifted out and had tried to find me. We enjoyed the rest of the concert from the sideline. Once you just accepted the situation the sielines weren't all that bad. We could see that stage great, there was no pushing and we got candy from the security guy.
I am pretty sure I fell asleep in the car on the drive home. Exhausted and full of happiness. Now you might think I have exaggerate or that I am only looking for attention but this is my concert experience from start to end. It might be an exaggeraion from the truth, I would't know because I have told it exactly like I remember it. The 22nd of April was amoung the best days and the worst days of my life. This is why justin means so much to me. He isn't just a part of the good in my life but the bad as well. Things from that night still haunt me and might do so for the rest of my life. If I could I would erease it all but in the end it was worth it for me. I just needed to tell you my story and in some ways I myself needed it to be told.
My concert experience included sleep deprivation,waiting outide an hotell for 13 hours only to find out Justin was comming the day after, ditching school, running through the woods to a subway station in the middle of the night, loosing my buscard, Missing the last train, alone having to run half a marathon through stockholm in the middle of the night, getting a ride by a busdriver, getting hit on by drunk men, getting lost, finding my way again, loosing feeling in fingers and toes, crashing in a subway station, being victim of sexual harassment, crying at a public bathroom,waiting in line for 16 hours, loosing site of my best friend before the concert had barely started, almost passing out, talking to Jen, getting candy by a security guy but most importantly of all I got to see my idol and my lifesaver. I got to feel pure happiness and excitement. I did it because I love him. All of the things above I did because I love him. In the end it was all worth it because I got to see him perform.
To all you haters out there; think twice before juding a belieber or any fangirl. You do not know their story.