I've been dreaming about getting high again. After all this time, sort of woke up with a head fuck I didn't need. Chased it for a bit too, perhaps I just miss being happy or numb.

Maybe there is no difference.

Maybe I just want to run away. Hide from where I am. 

I don't know. 

This isn't happy and sometimes I wonder if I ever am happy except for then. 

But is that real?