I can't help but to think how much I disappoint my dad everyday. I'm irresponsible and lazy, I'm too depressed to go out and do anything, and on top of that I look, act, and dress like a guy when I really should not. He told me that I as a biological female should do what females do, and I've come to terms that maybe he's right. Maybe being trans is wrong, at least for me. It isn't in our culture and I was wrong to think he'd ever accept me. I am and forever will be trans, but I don't think I'll ever transition. Maybe it's for the best though, I'd rather see him happy than heartbroken, and I'd rather be uncomfortable my entire life than making myself happy, 'cause I'd rather make him happy. I wanna make him happy 'cause he's all I have and I hate to disappoint him. I hate that he's ashamed to go out with me, 'cause I know he is, 'cause his friends mistake me for being a guy. I hate how much of a failure I am.
But imma fix that. I'm gonna lay everything that has to do with trans behind my back, maybe even grow my hair out again. Tell my friends that I've come out to that I was just confused about my gender and that I feel like a female. Anything to make him and the rest of my family proud of me, at least for once. As much as it hurts me, it's gonna make my family happy, and that's what's important.