Love is such a strange feeling. Everyone wants to feel it. Sometimes it takes your whole life to feel it and sometimes you don't even have to look for it. Some people feel it thousands of times and some feel it once. It's beautiful and it's special. You pour your whole life and soul into someone elses. You rely on them and you feel comfortable with them at any cost. When you have that "love" feeling you never want to not feel it. It's like a drug and maybe you will over use it. What happens then? Does the feelings fade or even go away, or do they get deeper. Love can tear you appart and it can also patch you up. It can be postive if it's love from both sides and it can be negative and heartbreaking if it's unfortunate love.

But even though it has it's negative sides love is such a beautiful thing to feel, once or multipel times. Every human being does feel it and it's amazing. You learn from love, you develop from love and you get hapiness from love.

Likes

Comments

My brother is the most annoying human being. I have never felt such a strong hate feeling against any human being except for him. I can't stand him for even five secconds. He is a pain in the ... If i could I would never want to see him and maybe you will think that the problem is me but I will say fuck that. I'm not in the mood of accusing tones saying that I am the issue. My mom can't se how he is. It's like she is closing her eyes for what he does. I hate her for that and I try to be nice to her but it's impossible.

That's where my anger issues come up. Yes I have them and maybe they are very strong but It's not my fault that I have become this way. I'm not going to point fingers but what can I say it can only come from one place. I have done some stupid things when I get angry but that did not hurt someone else in a physical way, only me. So I don't see any wrong in that and that's way I lied to the psychologist. Nothing wrong with that if you have been forced to go to her anyway.

When I write this you are going to think I am the problem but I am not. I promise you that. It's just that I get angry because I have always been trying to be the "perfect" kind of daughter, if there is a kind of that. Do you think my parents ever say something about that? No they don't. I wasn't the one who got awards and encouriging stuff to not do bad staff. He always is their favourite and that is never going to change, sadly. So should I accept that and not give a shit any more, I'm 18 soon and can leave them all behind me and start a new life or should I be angry at them in secret and be passive-aggressive?

Hard to know which one. Either one of them is going to ruin my relationship with them. Even though I never say this I am always going to love them or they are going to have a special place in my heart. Maybe it's for the best to live them, that's the selfish advice and only time I should have the right to be selfish. Only one time.


Likes

Comments

Lately I've been writing novels. A lot of novels about love and my life but I use alteregos. All my friends are finding love except for me. What have I done wrong. Maybe I am ugly, disgusting or just plain old boring? What is it that makes me friendly but not more than that?

Ok, maybe I push people away because I am afraid of embrasses and closeness. Maybe I am scared of love of the thing I have heard things about but never really myself have experienced. I want to feel love, I want to crave someone and I want that someone to crave me. I want to feel real closeness and I want to be able to open up completly.

My friends have all been using different things to get love. Two have tinder, which i have considered. But I am too afraid and a coward because I don't want to put me in a position were I can be seen. I will always be the one that is invisible. Nothing more, never want to draw attention to me. But maybe I should grow a pair or scratch that because balls aren't strong they are sensitive and can be hurt very easily. I would say that I should grow a vagina because a vagina can take some slamming and dunking. A vagina is strong and tuff. That's my way to say that I should get Tinder.

Hmm let me think about the Tinder situation and maybe I will reconsider it. Maybe I will download it and meet someone. Maybe a one night stand or something more. Who knows.

See you in a bit!

Likes

Comments

​Jag vet inte varför men jag har börjat dras mot äldre män. Jag tycker de är så mycket sexigare och snyggare. De är typ i 40+ åldern. Vad är det för fel på mig. Har hört att de som ofta letar efter äldre män har "daddy issues" men jag vet inte om jag har det. Min pappa själv är tillsammans med en ung tjej. Är det därför jag attraheras av äldre män? För att jag har problem med att min pappa är tillsammans med en ung tjej? 

Allt är så komplicerat. Vad ska jag göra. Jag är 17. Samhället kommer aldrig acceptera det. 

Likes

Comments

Ska man skaffa Tinder?

Likes

Comments

​En hemma fest kanske i Bromma. Druckit en aningen för många drinkar. Det snurrar till när jag ställer mig upp och jag vinglar runt som Bambi på is. Kastar mig hastigt ner på första bästa möbel jag ser. En soffa. Jag pustar ut och slappnar av. Äntligen kan jag vila mig. Du ligger bredvid mig på soffan och ler sakta åt mina försök att konversera. Våra blickar möts och på något konstigt vis ligger jag nu över dig. Dina händer kramar om min midja, smeker mig. Sakta möts våra läppar. Intensivt. En blöt och slafsig kyss. Jag var alldeles för full för att kyssa idg men du var så vacker. 

Likes

Comments

Ett mörkt rum fyllt med människor. Kroppar som slingrar sig kring varandra, dansar som det är deras sista natt. Jag ställer mig på sidan av av dansgolvet och iakttar alla siluetter. Hur de svingar höfterna till höger och vänster. Jag är trött. Det är dags för mig att gå hem. Jag vänder mig om och krockar in i dig. Jag kollar sakta upp och möter din blick. En blick säger mer en tusen ord är tanken som tumlar runt i mitt huvud när våra läppar ivrigt möts i en slafsig och våt kyss. 

Likes

Comments

Jag gjorde det igen, efter en sådan lång tid. Jag trodde det var bortom glömt, längs bak, packat och gömt. Men det låg där och väntade tills jag nådde min gräns och vips så sitter jag här på golvet med det välbekanta stinget i armen.​

Likes

Comments

17-åriga jag.

Osäker.

Hänger ned med huvudet över toasitsen, trycker ner fingrarna långt ner i halsen.

17-åriga jag.

Besviken.

Sitter på badrummets kalla klinkergolv med ett rakblad i handen.

17-åriga jag.

Rädd.

Vrider och vänder mig i sängen, kippar efter andan och kastar mig upp.

17-åriga jag.

Förtvivlad.

Darrar av gråt, tårarna rinner och rinner.

17-åriga jag.

Olycklig kär.

Slår allt jag kan se, väggar, bord, stolar. Vill inte se dig med hen.

17-åriga jag.

Ville bara bli älskad.

Likes

Comments

Att konstant gå runt i stress.
Att vara rädd att du inte ska prestera till 100.
Att du kommer göra dig själv besviken.
Dina lärare besvikna.
Att plugga till ett prov i flera dagar innan. Sitta flera timmar och bara rå plugga.
När man får ett E. Det är den värsta känslan.
Man måste bara älska skolan...

  • 0 readers

Likes

Comments