My brother is the most annoying human being. I have never felt such a strong hate feeling against any human being except for him. I can't stand him for even five secconds. He is a pain in the ... If i could I would never want to see him and maybe you will think that the problem is me but I will say fuck that. I'm not in the mood of accusing tones saying that I am the issue. My mom can't se how he is. It's like she is closing her eyes for what he does. I
hate her for that and I try to be nice to her but it's impossible.
That's where my anger issues come up. Yes I have them and maybe they are very strong but It's not my fault that I have become this way. I'm not going to point fingers but what can I say it can only come from one place. I have done some stupid things when I get angry but that did not hurt someone else in a physical way, only me. So I don't see any wrong in that and that's way I lied to the psychologist. Nothing wrong with that if you have been forced to go to her anyway.
When I write this you are going to think I am the problem but I am not. I promise you that. It's just that I get angry because I have always been trying to be the "perfect" kind of daughter, if there is a kind of that. Do you think my parents ever say something about that? No they don't. I wasn't the one who got awards and encouriging stuff to not do bad staff. He always is their favourite and that is never going to change, sadly. So should I accept that and not give a shit any more, I'm 18 soon and can leave them all behind me and start a new life or should I be angry at them in secret and be passive-aggressive?
Hard to know which one. Either one of them is going to ruin my relationship with them. Even though I never say this I am always going to love them or they are going to have a special place in my heart. Maybe it's for the best to live them, that's the selfish advice and only time I should have the right to be selfish. Only one time.