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I know I've been very absent, but I honestly think that after seven years of blogging it's okay. Most of what's happened in my life right now is I've been spending a lot of time with Jonna, both at her place and at Stereo Bar in Copenhagen. And then I've been to Philippines and I think you all know why by now. Otherwise, I've been working and actually been to lazy to update. Especially when there's not much to update about.

A couple of weeks ago I wasn't sure whether to continue blogging or not. I feel like I've been doing it for such a long time now and I don't really have the time for it anymore. It's definitely not a priority nowadays due to work, series, workout and my social life.

I'm not going to close it though. I'll let it be open for whenever I do have time for it and when I have something I want to update about. I'll just let you know that as you've noticed it's not going to be updated very often, sad to say.

ANYWAYS! Today all the bartending ladies from Viking in Sunny have a Christmas Dinner in Copenhagen and then we'll meet the gentlemen at Stereo Bar. Been longing for this day so long now. Going to be crazy and I need this. Bless xx

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It's true what I wrote before. Every bad thing that happens in my life right now affects me so much. Even if it's just a small thing, I can't handle it. Last time it occurred was today.

I am not constantly sad because of the murder of my uncle. I enjoy the good times, and some days I laugh so much and just enjoy life in general, because life is good after all. Even if it's absolutely heartbreakingly unfair at times.

But there are also so many times that I can't stop thinking about it and I cry. I cry so much because I know he didn't deserve what happened to him. And it hurts my soul knowing who did it. It hurts knowing I will actually never see him again and share our jokes and laughs together. It fucking hurts. Last time I cried was today and of course I have breakdowns.

I am home now and I don't know how work is going to be for me from now on, but I imagine it will be challenging. Just as it was before when I had found out and still had to work. He is basically everything I think of, even when I'm trying not to.

Please give me strength to face this reality 😔🙏

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A week ago today I received a phone call from my mom, crying her eyes out, while I was getting ready to go out and have some fun. "They've found him", she said. "Murdered", she continued, and as I heard the news the whole world stopped for a minute. I was paralyzed and I didn't believe her. I still can't believe he's gone.

Somebody took my uncle away from me. From us. The one who brought so much joy and laughter to the world is gone.
Personally, I don't know how to handle and tackle things like this, and I probably never will either. Right there and then when I found out, all I wanted was to become drunk so I didn't have to think about it and then wake up where everything would be back to normal. I wanted it to be a nightmare I could escape from. I can't escape. This is haunting me. I'm already afraid of going home alone when it's dark outside. After this.... I am absolutely terrified. I have nightmares every single night and I wake up in panic every time. They're not pretty.

I wish that we would have gotten to see each other more often and share more laughs as you always had hilarious jokes and a contagious laughter. I wish I would've told you more times that I love you. I wish for you to have justice for your brutal death and also that I would get the pictures of you dead out of my head. I don't want to come back to the Philippines without you greeting me at the airport, but what choice do I have? My heart is in pieces.

HOW AM I COPING? / HOW AM I?

I'm really trying but I am not strong at all. I can't work without having tears in my eyes every day. I am so vulnerable right now, with all right to be. Every bad thing that happens in my life right now, whether it is at work, at home or whatever, affects me so much because of where I am right now. It's a dark place and I don't wish this for anyone. I am not fine. I'm not gonna be fine again. I'm just going to learn how to live with that hole in my life from now on.

Again, I hope for justice. What really gives one the right to live when they've taken someone else's life? Tita Flora, I will always love you. I will never forget you since you've given me so much to remember. "Maria, you want to go to toooown?!"

#justiceforflorence

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Wehey! What a lovely weekend this has been! This Friday I was so tired I fell asleep at around 16.00 and woke up at 00.00 to go pee and then Jonna called me. I wanted to go out the whole day and she asked if we should go to Stereo Bar in Copenhagen so OF COURSE we did! And since it was J-Dag, there was a lot of people and we had a lot of fun.

I came home pretty late from Copenhagen yesterday (and I also felt more dead than alive...) so I just went into the shower and then headed to Jonna's place for some tacos and cat love. We've only recently found out that we live like 7 minutes away from eachother with bus so we've been hanging out more since then! What a treat :D

Today I've just been sending out some CV's for jobs in Denmark actually. Well, that and watching series haha. I have no idea how it will turn out so I'm gonna try and not have any expectations. Although it would be fun! Bless xx

Oh yeah. This Friday I hadn't been eating anything since like 11.30 at work when I woke up so I asked Jonna when we were going out if she had any food (so I wouldn't be too drunk too fast) and she brought me a goodiebag of cheese doodles, salami, chocolate & pepper and a bottle of vodka redbull haha! Best goodiebag ever.

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Hello you. You're probably tired of me not updating about my *oh so interesting* life anymore. Well, so would I be.

This weekend though! Jonna piggy and I decided to go out after some wine and we ended up at Stereo Bar in Copenhagen of course (where some of our lovely friends work and worked). We met up Michael and Mingping (Sebastian) so it was a cheeky mini reunion kind of together with Stine as well. We had an amazing time and I think the bartenders were laughing at us for being so drunk hahah.

Well, good weekend to say at least. Less good I had forgotten my ID card in Malmö and had to wait for my mom for like 7 hours to bring it to the airport to be able to come home -_- stupid ID controls. Bless xx

Oh and it's November btw!!! How crazy is that?!

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I don't know how they do this but there's a page on facebook that is sending Tom & Jerry live quite often and I actually stopped for a while to watch it now, haha. I've loved that show since I was just a little kid =)

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Two years ago yesterday I celebrated my birthday in New York City, during my bartender education. I only turned 20 so I still had one year left before I could start drinking legally in the states (which didn't cross my mind until I was actually there... it all went good anyways). I was so happy to be there and experience the amazing city that never sleeps.

The subway, the streets, the lights, the skyscrapers, the people, the things to see and places to eat. Breathtaking. I've always wanted to go back ever since I came back to Sweden.

One year ago yesterday I had recently started a new job in sales in Malmö. Which was also the reason I moved here. I promised myself I would sell something that day and I did my two first sales. High on life. The atmosphere was wonderful and the people were too. I still miss that place.

Yesterday I celebrated with my mom and her friends at an Asian restaurant with buffet and I also received a trip to Gran Canaria over Christmas. This is probably the best gift I've ever gotten and I'm so thankful for everything and everyone in my life.

I don't have any pictures from last year's birthday but NYC will do :)

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Well, I wasn't supposed to come home to my father today but my friend picked me up in Malmö after work so I didn't have to take the train. And I thought "why not?", so here I am in my childhood room blogging before bed. Anyways I was looking forward to have a cozy movie night with my younger brother but as smart as I am, I forgot my computer in Malmö of course... on which I have all the movies 😓 oh well, what to do!

Best thing about being home is that I get to cuddle so much with the creature in the pictures hihi 🙈 and also to finally spend time with my dad and one of my brothers of course!

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As I told my friend Sandra before, I have never wanted to dress up as a hot or sexy whatever for Halloween. It's Halloween, you're supposed to be scary. And then I saw THIS makeup and just fell in love. IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!! I know I'm breaking my own rule but I'm actually gonna try and do it for Halloween. I've become so addicted to makeup... Also, the girl in the video is absolutely GORGEOUS without any makeup.

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