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Ever since I bought my mirror I’ve been too lazy to put it up on the wall so it’s just been standing on my drawer, haha. BUT! Yesterday it happened and I did it all by myself, woho! *pat on my shoulder*. In other words, who needs a man?!

Went out with J, B and F yesterday and it was alright. So tired today though haha. I’ll probably continue to be tired now and just chill in bed for a while. Bless x

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One year later and I still believe this is a nightmare. Please come back, tita. I need you 😔❤️



May the murderer be found soon and tortured to death just as my uncle was. Karma will find its way.

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Woop. Having a day off tomorrow and I have a lot of things to do. Doctor's appointment again, pharmacy, picking upp stuff I bought online, and last but not least I finally get to see C again! Been too long. Sadly, there's a power cut at home right now so I honestly don't know what to do when my computer's all out of battery 😂  I might just have to go to sleep...

Btw, how lucky am I to have a teamleader at work who is so understanding and caring? She's always asking me how I am and take me in to have a small talk. Blessed ❤

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So I booked an appointment at the doctor's and told them "this time, I want someone to take me seriously since no one has helped me before", and he did. He asked me all types of questions about my faintings. When I told him what the other doctors said it was, he directly went "Nope, nu-uh. This sounds just like epilepsy".

So next week awaits new tests, where one of them is an EEG-test that records the electrical signals in the brain. I know it may sound stupid, but I'm kind of hoping this is what I have, only so I can know what it is and why I get these attacks. I know from experience that if this doesn't show anything, the doctors are gonna be like "nah, you're fine, tests look good".

Oh yeah, mom dragged me to IKEA yesterday and I finally got myself a mirror and some other stuff for my room. I've got some more plans for the room and I can't wait until it's done hehe.

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That's what my diagnose is called. My so called faintings. Today it happened again, on a fully packed train. I fell down and hit my head and just laid there for 5-10 minutes trying to breath, crying. If people even knew how terrified I am of this... This is the reason why I'm afraid of being alone all the time.

I've been trying a hundred times to get help for this as I can pass out at any time, at any place, but no doctor or nurse wants to help me because they think "I handle my faintings well". That's their quote after one of thousands tests I've been doing. Excuse you, no I don't. I'm calling the hospital tomorrow again because obviously I need help with this. I'm not even allowed to have a driver's license because of this.

No, I'm not writing for pity. I want people to be aware of it if it happens to me or other people with the same problem.

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Salary came in today so I've finally booked my ticket to see my favourite band in the whole world; 30 Seconds To Mars. The other day Sandra bought tickets for us to see my other favourite Foo Fighters as well! How I've been waiting to see these bands live again, five years for Mars to come back, and I think six or seven years for Foo FIghters... Just a shame that Mars's Meet & Greet packages cost like 270 - 675 pound / 307 - 768 euros now so this time, I'll just be watching the show. I can't wait though, it's going to be a good 2018! ❤

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So I see I still have a lot of stalkers from Finland. Funny how people think I don't know they're reading my blog and then talk about it to others as well. Don't you love curious minds? I know I do :) I won't blame people though. My life is kind of interesting compared to others. Why else would people read about it? Jk. Nice to know who's reading though. I see all of you :)

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I'll say sorry in advance that you now get to see a side of me that I don't often show in social media, but as I've written before people like to see me as a slut. Why? Well, because I do sleep around with who I want to and nothing or no one should stop that - unless you're in a relationship of course, I'm not one to cheat. And no, I'm not an actual whore who people pay to have sex with.

But, as some of you figured I'm now single again since a couple of days back and even though him and I weren't together for long, it was and is really hard for me to move on atm. I've been isolating myself from people because I haven't been mentally ready to talk to people or even look at them since I'm very vulnerable right now.

I'm just really glad I came out of that shell yesterday and was able to be happy during my shift at Aloha, and afterwards as well. I didn't sleep at home last night and it didn't even feel weird to do it with someone else. I'm happy I could enjoy it and to be fair, it's a start to move on so I'm definitely happier now than I was earlier this week. There is a cheaky saying that goes "the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else", and I'm not saying it's working, but I think it does.

So no, I'm not saying I'm going to be the biggest slut ever now, I'm just trying to find my way to be happy and get over this.


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Right now, mom is making sure I eat even when I don’t want to. I don’t have any appetite. My job is understanding which is good. My friends are the best and only a phone call away.

We didn’t make a lot of memories, me and him. The ones that we have I hold dear, even when I shouldn’t. I took him in and before I knew it, we lived together. It changes things up a bit.

Then he left, with a part of me that I wish I didn’t need. We weren’t together for long, but living together for a while and then all of a sudden not living together is a huge difference. It’s so empty.

So now, I get to be the broken one that I warned about. Unfortunately, it is what it is and I can’t change it. But how I wish I could.
💔

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