"Follow your dreams, no dreams are too big... but don't dream tooooo big, it's not good for you!"
"You can be whoever you want... but don't try too hard because that makes you fake."
"If you try hard enough you can get whatever you want in life... but be realistic!"
Does this sound familiar?
I remember when I was 13 years old & for the first time had the feeling that I wanted to inspire people. I wanted to give people hope & show them that even a person like myself can build a career.
This goal never disappeared. It has faded a bit though... or a lot! But not because I still don't dream about it.
But how am I supposed to inspire others when I can't even inspire myself?
I barely sing anymore, I haven't touched my guitar in 5 years, the only time I touch my piano is around Christmas & when I'm dusting it.
I don't design clothes anymore & I've stopped taking photos because almost everyone I know gets annoyed by it.
I've even stopped buying clothes because who the h*ll has the money for that? And of course, I can't write or blog as much anymore because what is there to write about when nothing in my life inspires me?
So instead, I'm sitting here as an unfulfilled 24-year-old girl, desperately trying to fit in & be a part of a society that I was born & raised in, but without results.
Somewhere along the way I've completely lost myself & my entire personality.
People keep talking about how we are living in a time that is built for creative minds, that this is THE time to be whoever you are or whoever you want to be & that Sweden is the best place to be because everyone here is so open minded. Well, apparently not since the majority of all artsy people I know are either working in customer service or are burnt out because they tried so hard to do something with their lives but kept on getting rejected.
I threw away my dream of doing something inspiring & creative with my life because I needed to be "realistic". I needed to leave space in my life for all those things that I don't love, but that I apparently need to build a future, because as I always got told in school "If you take all that time you're spending on crafting & spend it on mathematics, then you’d get trough it in a heartbeat".
But what difference does it make when I seem to be the only one willing to give myself a chance?
In my experience you're allowed to stand out, as long as you're standing out in the same way as everybody else.
So welcome to Sweden everyone, the country where everyone can be whoever they want & get a new start in life. As long as you have the right looks, the right name, the right amount of money (and no, an average salary doesn't count) or savings from your family, and as long as you follow our boring Swedish norm! If you belong under at least 2 out of these 5 "categories" then congrats! You might actually have a chance!
/A bitter girl who probably needs help figuring out her next step in life.