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Yesterday me, Lisa, Vilda and her friend Violet went to Torrance to visit a christmas market. We also had the luck to see a lucia parade!! It was so beautiful and I've got some more christmas feeling even though we had lunch in the sun one hour earlier.

At the evening we went to a christmas show and it turned out to be a classic, american musical! Oh my.. In the beginning we just laughed and wondered what we where doing there, but eventually we enyojed it to the top! I thought it was SO FUN! Unfortunately we weren't aloud to take pictures but it was a real cliché with amazing dance, song and outfits -I loved it completely!

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Today we made saffron buns, sooo delicious! We put some music on and Vilda created a dancefloor in the beginning but later on we had some christmas songs and it felt really wierd to bake christmas things inside and then go outside to the california sun -it is pretty warm today, we are in shorts and bikini all of us but I've got a little bit if christmas feeling however. Now; tasting!!

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Another quality day with my love, energy boost! We started at Hermos beach but since we took the wrong like two hundred times it took a little bit longer than expected and we arrived a little bit late to the beach so there was no sweating in the heat moment. But we enyojed anyway, the sun was there and some surfers as well that we looked at and I got even more into surfing!!

After that we decided to go up to Santa Monica to watch the sunset and then have dinner at the pier since I haven't been there. We ate at a place called Mariasol and it was only mexican food -MMMMHHHM!! The sunset was soooo beautiful!! All the colours is so powerful! Zanzibar is not on the first place of sunsets anymore..

Great day with my hubby. I need him and I love him.

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​The other day my love asked me what I wanted to do and I said that I just want to see things, drive around and explore the mountain roads and so he took me on Mulholland Drive, Topanga, Venice, Santa Monica and then home again. Quality time over and over again. And a lots of love, love, love.

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Almost directly when I came home to Sweden I booked a ticket to Los Angeles again. I really needed to go..

And here I am!! Like the last time nobody knew that I was coming but eventually I couldn't keep it anymore, I told Anton in the middle of a break down and when I was on my way I posted a picture on Instagram that spoiled it all, kind of..

And here is the part that you all have been waiting for;
Anton picked me up at the airport and it was SO AMAZING to see that beautiful man again -I'm SO in love with this human being! Unfortunately it was a little bit of chaos at the traffic so our meeting didn't went on like on a movie when I'm running against him while the whole airport stops and all the people are giving us applauses. No, it was some kissing and then in the car. But from that moment I held on to him all night long, and I told him that "I will never let you go."

The last time we was here we wanted to do EVERYTHING that you could possible do in this town. This time I don't have any plans or wishes at all, I just want to be with my love, Lisa, Tomas and Vilda. Just want to be around them, feel them. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

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I've been busy since I came home, back to my normal life where I using every minute of the day and still need more time. Most of the time I've been working and walking with Lina and Tyra but ever now and then I've been making chaos with Regina as well and/or sharing my place and bed with Malin.

My heart and soul are now calm and beating in a rhythm that's healthy. This is the place for me and it contains all the people and activities that I need.

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​Five days has passed since I landed here in LÅ town. Rain, cold, grey sky, darkness is what was welcoming me back and it hasn't stopped yet. Some snow said "Hello and welcome back baby!" the second day, YEEY!! I AM a winter person! I tried to see the hard thing to get dressed instead of dress off because it's cold instead of to hot. But I couldn't, I like the fact that it takes 10 minutes to get dress when you're gonna get out with the dog for 3min! 

​So, to the question that all of you are wondering and that all the people that I've met has been asking me; "How does it feel to be home again?" It feels pretty damn good. ​And I've never felt more happy, calm and sure about the fact that this is the place for me. Even if it's kind of scary that nothing, I mean NOTHING, has changed here, it makes me calm at the same time. 'Cause I was missing and in need of everything that I left and to see that it's still in that way makes me calm and convince me that this was the right decision for me right now. 

​I love traveling and I'll continue to do it as often and long as I can, but from now on I'll only have one home. 

​Same day as I arrived I met Regina. Oh my Regina..❤ We've been talking about the chaos we would create together in the summer of 2016, instead we created it in November 2015. Aaaaand I love it! As people told us; "You two on your own is a story enough, and when you're together it's just insane."
Felix and Daniel was here as well, and I held on to them as long as they're here. They know that them and the rest of the boys was one of the reasons that I wanted and needed to come home again. I'm still waiting for you Oscar and Tobias!! Come and huuuuug me!
Then it was Lina and like she said "It feels so weird that it feels normal to just step in to your place and see you here."​
​I'll pick up my Malin tonight at the airport. She's coming home as well. Home to LÅ. 

​​Tonight, I'll be 100% complete again. 


And, I'm home.

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I'm coming home.

Yesterday it all fell apart for me. I couldn't do it anymore. This island is amazing and I love being here. But, the last few months has been really hard for me; too many awful and stupid things has been happening to me and my families and I can't be down here. Not alone. Not now.

"I've been here only four and a half month.. It's only four and a half month to go -I don't wanna look weak!!" Yes, it's true! I've been telling that to myself and to people that I've been talking to., so crazy!! Lucky as I am I have this amazing people around me that make me realize that this four and a half month has sometimes been the worst times in my life, so imagine what the rest of the time will be for me?! For now, I'm struggling through each day and that is not the way it should be; I should be enjoying every second in this paradise.

In the beginning when my guests where asking me if I liked it here I said "Yes, I love it. I'm enjoying every second.." and I meant it! Now I'm saying exactly the same thing but I'm alos thinking "Should I tell them the truth?" and "Omg.. I'm lying this people straight up in their faces.."

I've been thinking what is at home and what is not at home. What is here and what is not here. And for now, all I need is at home. And I got it all clear when I talked to my friends and I said; "It doesn't matter that Anton is not at home, that I'm coming home to an empty apartment. I still want to go." I can't find anything down here that makes me happy, not for the moment. Except for one person, but my happiness can't be depending on one single person!

So the plan for now is that I'm coming home and fill me up with new energy. Load the batteries. After two, three weeks I will now if I want to stay home in the north or come back to my home in the paradise. If I want to come back, then I go.


I just need a break. I need my north and everything that comes with it.
I'm coming home.

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Well, I guess all of you is pretty curious of what happened and what is happening right now with the me-stuck-in-Zanzibar-thing. And I made a new category for it as well!! A little bit of ironic thoug..

As I wrote in the other post I contacted the Swedish embassy and the consul of honorary and told them everything. Then I also contacted our contact person at the immigration and after serval conversations by phone with him and his bosses and their bosses and surely someone else, he called me back and asked; "What is your nationality?" "Swedish." Ok, then he wanted to meet me in town yesterday and the only thing I needed to bring was my passport. My heart starting to beat like hell; why did they care about my nationality?

But I felt that I needed to do everything to solve this, so I went to town yesterday and met our guy. I told him the whole story again and he made som calls and looked at passport and tickets and the visa for USA. He told me that it's only Sweden as country that is the problem, if I was from Germany it wouldn't be a problem. A law says this right now. "Right now?! What is right now??" He didn't had answer on that but he told me to go to the airport to meet the in charge boss if immigration there. I asked him to come with me and he quickly said "NO!", shocked his head and got a little bit nervous. HAPP! What the fuck is going on now?! Why can't my immigration guy follow me to immigration at the airport..? I called the consul of honorary and asked her to come with me. I also called the embassy on my way and told them everything.

At the airport we met the in charge boss and once again I told them everything. But we got the same answer as earlier; there is a law that says that since I'm not a resident I'm not aloud to do traveling to other countries except Sweden. And yes, there is only Sweden this law applies to.

I cried once again. I called the embassy once again and told them what had happened and they couldn't understand this at all. The consult called me later during the afternoon and told me that she has been in contact with the embassy as well and now they decided that she would go today for a meeting at the immigration office to actually see the paper of this stupid law they're talking about. I gave her all numbers and name that I could remember and begged her to keep me updated.

Today she called me after the meeting, unfortunately and not surprising there was no paper on the law but the embassy was informed about this and they're not accepting this. They're on it.



So, everything is still on the move and it all escalate for every conversation we are doing. It feels so good that I actually didn't accepted this and contacted the embassy straight away. Cause the embassy won't drop this, since Tanzania is the biggest aid country for Sweden and starting to make shitty rules for Swedish citizen is not a smart thing to do. IF their should be special rules it would be wisest of Tanzania/Zanzibar to make them to benefit for Swedish citizens. This thing might doesn't work out so I can get to USA from here but it might can prevent that it happens again or that Tanzania/Zanzibar trying to make their on rules.

To be continued.

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Well, my fourth month here I planned to celebrate by going to LA for a couple of days, but we all now how it all ended up.. #broken.

I've been longing home more than ever this month. Or longing home.. I've been feeling that I'm to far away from the people that need me the most. Even though I've been reachable on social medias 24/7 I still want to be there. Instead of writing or saying that I'm giving a hug I want to give a hug, so all the involved people can feel the comfort and the peace that I so badly want them to feel.

I miss the fact that I can't grab my bike and be there minutes after my friends life completely broke down. I miss the fact that I can't offer a place to come to, to stay at when all other places seems to be totally unfamiliar. I miss the fact that I can't lay next to, and hold on to, and never let go. I can't stand the fact that I wasn't there when the tears was streaming down the face.

What kills me the most is that I could have been there all this time and be able to to do all these things, it was only a flight ticket away. But that ticket was to LA instead of Sweden. Half of me was proud and calm cause I was soon there. The other half was still a disaster, but I convinced myself that Im good enough even though I'm not there. And then LA didn't happened. I'm here again, back where I once started and there was no hugs on the way back.

This month has been showing me truly what I need in my life; family and friends. And what kind of person I am and want to be to one another.

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