You know when you were younger and you and your friends didn't know who you are as a person and you guys started trying out stupid things and in the stupidest times endangered your life.
I feel like most of us, or at least people that I know have gone through this phase, right? So I had just gotten out of this face and started feeling happier about myself and who I was, started a new chapter in my life and I told myself that I wouldn't let myself be so unhappy ever again.
I met a person who I was interested in from first eye sight, not love but very interested. We did the usual , write on messenger and whatsapp and I would always hurry home to talk to him and I would have butterflies in my stomach when I saw him the next day. We would start sleeping over at the other persons house and soon we spent all our time together and when we weren't together we would whatsapp or text.
Everything was great and going well, I was super in love at this point as you probably can understand. Who doesn't fall head over heels when they're a teenager.
Fast forwarding a bit, maybe a year, he was angry and he called me ugly and a whore. I was shocked, and a bit scared cause he was so aggressive in he's manner towards me. I didn't understand why he would say anything like that to me, wasn't he in love anymore? I asked him the next day why he called me that and he denied ever saying anything like that. I was so confused, had I just imagined it? The next time he got agitated he called me a psycho bitch, this time I was sure of it, so I told him that I don't want him calling me that cause it's disrespectful and not true. He replied "IF you don't shut your mouth, I will hit you". I got very scared and obviously got quiet. I felt like I couldn't breath, the person I love just threat to hit me. What had I done wrong, what upset him so much. I brought it up the next day and he denied it again. I started changing myself slowly, bit by bit till my personality was gone. I changed anything that would annoy him, so he wouldn't hurt me. Why did I stay in this relationship? Love is blind, and I thought that I did something wrong to always upset him so much that he would say or do hurtful things. The last 6 months we were together he would start grabbing my arms violently and push me into our bedroom when we had an argument. I would have bruises on my arms and he would say that he shouldn't grab me from my arms cause people would start questioning what was going on but it didn't change. I was dead on the inside and felt like I was worth nothing but at least he loved me, if he left me I would have nothing.
I rarely saw my family or friends and on the rare occasions when I did he would text me all the time to see where I was and with what people. He would tell me a time to be home, if I wasn't home by then he threatened to leave me. I was so scared that I would obey everything he said. 4 months before I finally built up the courage and left him, I realized what was going on. I was in an abusive relationship. I had to get out, but I was scared and ashamed that it had happened to me. I couldn't tell my family or anyone because of the shame. When I finally broke up with him I told my family and some of my friends, they all were so supportive and asked why I hadn't told them before.
I slowly started building up my self esteem and my personality again, trying to figure out who I really am.
Mentally I was really broken, but I didn't know it back then, it was only after I got well that I actually understood how damaged I was. Only when I started talking to people about how I felt and what I'd been through did I start feeling better and happier. I have never been happier in my life than I am now, and I get to share this with my best friend, the one who understands me the most, gets my weirdness and the person I love most, M ❤
I hope that everyone who is or has been in the same situation, TALK about it. I wouldn't have found myself again unless I had talked about it, cause I was so traumatized. Why I share this is so that people who are in that situation dare to ask for help, do it cause you deserve so much better than a scumbag like that.
Be brave for yourself.