I woke up at 10.30 am, stayed in bed until 11.45 am when I got up to get ready. I left home at 12 PM and met up with my grandma at 12.30 PM in the center for some breakfast (in my case) and catching up, since she was in Helsinki :)
It was nice meeting her again after a long time.

Then I came home, woke up M and we ate some more breakfast/brunch while watching Master Chef Australia!

We've just had a really relaxed day and to top it off, we made homemade pizza with all kinds of goodies on them. Now we're eating pizza and watching some more Master Chef 😊

Andrea ❤

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It's been a couple of days. Didn't have anything to write about, so I waited until I had something. Which I have today.
Yesterday I was at the doctors and he told me that my right side of my hip was 1,5 cm above the other side, which was caused by two of my spinal vertebras weren't correctly in their place, so he popped them back in. Now I'm not allowed to go to gym for 4 more days, and I can't lift heavy weights longer than 10 seconds at a time and then 45 sec rest between every rep. But the bright side in this is that I get to lift heavier instead, which is cool 😊

Squat routine will change too. Only allowed to do front squats, can't put weight on my neck. Also not allowed to use kettlebell's either...

So starting from next week when I'm allowed back at gym, things are going to change :) Let's see what I come up with!

Do any of you have any suggestions or tips for new exercises?


Left: Picture from when I was the last time at gym, last Tuesday.
Right: Progress so far



1. What kind of car do you drive?
I don't own a car at the moment

2. What are your best physical features?
Probably my eyes and smile

3. What are your best characteristics?
Loyalty and caring, towards the ones I love

4. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
There are so many places I would like to visit, on top of my head Seychelles

5. What kind of books do you like to read?
Fantasy, drama, thriller

6. Where would you want to retire to?
Somewhere warm

7. What is your favorite time of the day?
When I'm with M

8. Where did you grow up?

9. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
Maybe 15km

10. What are you reading now?
Harry Potter and the cursed child



You know when you were younger and you and your friends didn't know who you are as a person and you guys started trying out stupid things and in the stupidest times endangered your life.

I feel like most of us, or at least people that I know have gone through this phase, right? So I had just gotten out of this face and started feeling happier about myself and who I was, started a new chapter in my life and I told myself that I wouldn't let myself be so unhappy ever again.

I met a person who I was interested in from first eye sight, not love but very interested. We did the usual , write on messenger and whatsapp and I would always hurry home to talk to him and I would have butterflies in my stomach when I saw him the next day. We would start sleeping over at the other persons house and soon we spent all our time together and when we weren't together we would whatsapp or text.

Everything was great and going well, I was super in love at this point as you probably can understand. Who doesn't fall head over heels when they're a teenager.

Fast forwarding a bit, maybe a year, he was angry and he called me ugly and a whore. I was shocked, and a bit scared cause he was so aggressive in he's manner towards me. I didn't understand why he would say anything like that to me, wasn't he in love anymore? I asked him the next day why he called me that and he denied ever saying anything like that. I was so confused, had I just imagined it? The next time he got agitated he called me a psycho bitch, this time I was sure of it, so I told him that I don't want him calling me that cause it's disrespectful and not true. He replied "IF you don't shut your mouth, I will hit you". I got very scared and obviously got quiet. I felt like I couldn't breath, the person I love just threat to hit me. What had I done wrong, what upset him so much. I brought it up the next day and he denied it again. I started changing myself slowly, bit by bit till my personality was gone. I changed anything that would annoy him, so he wouldn't hurt me. Why did I stay in this relationship? Love is blind, and I thought that I did something wrong to always upset him so much that he would say or do hurtful things. The last 6 months we were together he would start grabbing my arms violently and push me into our bedroom when we had an argument. I would have bruises on my arms and he would say that he shouldn't grab me from my arms cause people would start questioning what was going on but it didn't change. I was dead on the inside and felt like I was worth nothing but at least he loved me, if he left me I would have nothing.

I rarely saw my family or friends and on the rare occasions when I did he would text me all the time to see where I was and with what people. He would tell me a time to be home, if I wasn't home by then he threatened to leave me. I was so scared that I would obey everything he said. 4 months before I finally built up the courage and left him, I realized what was going on. I was in an abusive relationship. I had to get out, but I was scared and ashamed that it had happened to me. I couldn't tell my family or anyone because of the shame. When I finally broke up with him I told my family and some of my friends, they all were so supportive and asked why I hadn't told them before.

I slowly started building up my self esteem and my personality again, trying to figure out who I really am.

Mentally I was really broken, but I didn't know it back then, it was only after I got well that I actually understood how damaged I was. Only when I started talking to people about how I felt and what I'd been through did I start feeling better and happier. I have never been happier in my life than I am now, and I get to share this with my best friend, the one who understands me the most, gets my weirdness and the person I love most, M ❤

I hope that everyone who is or has been in the same situation, TALK about it. I wouldn't have found myself again unless I had talked about it, cause I was so traumatized. Why I share this is so that people who are in that situation dare to ask for help, do it cause you deserve so much better than a scumbag like that.

Be brave for yourself.





I feel like music is the one thing that truly can get me through any type of situation, whether I'm stressed, relaxed, hungover, sad or going through a rough time. Music has always been a safe haven for me, it takes me to another world where I can just think for myself for a while and just be.

I just love the feeling when you find a good song that makes the hairs on your arms raise, it's such a fantastic feeling. Music lets me regenerate my batteries, which I am in need of right now after the surgery. I am still resting at home today, cause I can't sit for too long yet... Therefor I feel that music is the powerbank for humans or at least for me :)

Below I have shared a really easy going song that i stumbled upon, hope you enjoy it and it gets you in a relaxed mood!




I am back again.

Yesterday we woke up at 7.00 am I went for a quick shower and ate a bit of yogurt, I wasn't allowed to eat a heavy breakfast or drink coffee before the puncturing. We had to be at the clinic 30 min before the actual puncturing was going to happen, so they could hook me up with all the medication.

I felt so nervous when we got to the clinic and I only got more nervous cause they had a medical student who tried to put the cannula in my hand and she seemed to be nervous to do it (I guess she hadn't done it many times before), cause she tried to do it a couple of times, didn't succeed and then a nurse had to come do it. Now I have a couple of extra marks on my hand where she tried to put it in my vein 😄

I got some medication through the cannula that made me instantly feel like I was very drunk. I started laughing cause it felt so weird to be so "drunk" and I had problems taking off my pants, cause my arms didn't work as they usually do. I was asked to go sit on the "operation bed/table and M was sitting on a chair next to my head. He thankfully got to come in with me during the procedure 😊

I think I got some more medication and a third nurse came to ask my name and social security number. I couldn't speak, I tried so hard but I just ended up laughing instead and after maybe 15 sec I was able to say my name and the beginning of my soc. security number but couldn't say anymore cause I had no idea of how to use my mouth 😄

When the actual procedure started I was so calm and I felt so tired, that I was struggling with speaking again, so when the nurse and doctor tried to ask if I was in pain, I could barely answer them. I wasn't in pain at any moment, the only thing I felt was a bit of pressure when the needle pierced the wall to my ovaries.

We were in the operation room 20 min (I think), for me it felt like we were there 5 min. I was so drugged up that everything went super quickly and smoothly.

We stayed at the clinic for about 1 h 20 min after the procedure till I felt more stable. I got a gift for the donation, Agent Provocateurs Fatale Pink perfume, which was a nice surprise :)

The rest of the day I spent in bed at home, in and out of sleep, watching movies and eating pizza + ben and jerry's! :)

Today I'm going to take it easy as well cause I don't feel totally normal yet. Best to listen to your body!

I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy or exercise for a week, so I'll have a super rest week now! 😃

How are you guys?


See you in a week gym! 😓😓




The thought has been growing for many years and this year I decided to actually make it happen.

I have decided to become an egg donor for some people or someone who can't get pregnant with their own eggs :) I saw an advert for this the first time when I was maybe 16 or 17, back then I just thought that it seems cool to do something like that, to help someone get the child they're longing for and just can't do it on their own. Ever since I've been thinking about it, but it has only been a "I should...", until this spring in March when I decided to actually do it.

I was watching some program on TV where someone was going to be an egg donor and that was the moment "the spark got lit". I started doing some re-search about what it actually meant to be a donor, and later the same evening I sent an email to a clinic called Fertinova here in Helsinki.

In the mail you were to fill in basic information: Date of birth, gender and possible diseases. I did this on a Saturday (if I remember correctly) and they contacted me already on Monday to see if I was interested to come to the clinic for blood tests and a psychological evaluation (that I was mentally stable and that I knew the possible child coming out of this donation is in NO way mine). I did these tests a couple of weeks later and they said I was good to go, if I still wanted to do it. Which I of course did. At this point I already got a bit nervous cause I knew that this meant I had to stick myself with needles (filled with hormones) for 10 days or so, which I didn't know if I was able to do and I had to go through an operation, (or puncturing as they refer it to) which always is a procedure that, worst case scenario, could go wrong (I have total faith in these doctors, they are very professional and have done these procedures many many times before 😊 ). But in my subconscious I knew that I could do it because this is an important thing to do, for me.

I was supposed to do the donation before summer holidays started, but mine and the receivers schedules didn't match so it got postponed to autumn, actually till tomorrow 12.10!! (Exciting). I was called to the clinic to get the "growing" hormones + needles and instructions for the shots. The instructions were really clear and I really felt that I understood them then, until the moment I was supposed to take the first one. Then I REALLY didn't understand anything that was written on the papers.. I was so overwhelmed and started panicking cause the thought of sticking myself with a needle for no obvious health benefit felt crazy and stupid. I was hyperventilating and had to have M give me the shot... It took us 25 min before I actually calmed down enough to be to able to take the shot.

dramatic faint animated GIF

The shot it self didn't even feel like anything, I barely felt it piercing the skin of my lower stomach and I laughed a bit because I was relieved that it didn't hurt and for my reaction before.

So I took these shots for 8 days and yesterday I took a different shot that you're supposed to take exactly 36 h before the operation.

The extra hormones hit me last Friday and I felt so tired and every tiny "problem" made me throw myself dramatically on the bed and cry, like a Disney Princess.

Tomorrow is the big day and we're going to the clinic in the morning with M (whom has been the best support and understanding of my Disney Princessines 😍), so I'm a bit nervous and also excited cause I know that someone will get the child that they've wanted for a long time! ❤

I will try to write tomorrow but will probably be too drugged to be able to write anything smart... 😃

ALL the love and hugs!




I was going through some old drafts in my email and found a bunch of old things I've written many years ago when I was having some heart-ache. It felt nostalgic to go through the stuff, cause it reminded me of how emotional you actually were as a teenager. How much you actually felt everything.. Phew, happy those days are over.

Because of this nostalgic feeling I decided to share a little piece with you :D

Thinking about you with her. Arms wrapped around her waist pulling her closer, makes me want to throw up. But i can't stop. Why can't you love me. In my mind you are mine and i'm yours.

I have you locked in a secret room, where no one knows you are.

A secret room where you're mine. A secret room in the back of my mind, where you're forever mine.

I see you walking with her hand in hand, you see me and you let go. Why do you have to care about my feelings, when i wish you would just hate me so I could hate you too. You make it so hard for me to let you go when you use your sweetness on me.

I want to lock you in a secret room, where no one knows you are.

A secret room where you're mine. A secret room in the back of my mind, where you're forever mine.

Reality hits me and I know you already have forgotten me. So i just jump off the edge to escape the emptiness of my life. 

Andrea ❤



Hi everyone!

Today we did chest and shoulders at the gym and I am proud of myself, cause I was able to do 30 kgs for the first time on the bench! 😊 It might not be much, but I can see that progress is happening all the time :)

Routine today:

Warm up 5.30 min on the cross trainer to get my shoulders warmed up

Bench Press with a barbell:

4 reps x 5 sets, weight should be heavy enough so the last reps are difficult to do. So the first two sets I did 27,5 kgs and the 3 last sets I did 30 kgs! :)

Inclined Bench Press:

5 sets x 4 reps

Same idea as in the last exercise, weights should be heavy enough so you have difficulties doing the last reps. I did all my sets with 25 kgs, except one where I had 27,5 kgs.

Standing Military Press:

5 sets x 4 reps

Same idea, heavy enough so the last reps are difficult to do. I can only do the bar so far, which is 20 kgs. If you find it difficult to do these, use your legs to help you lift off. So you bend a bit and while you're coming up from the half squat you use the momentum to push the bar up above your head (Hope you understand what I'm trying to say, cause this was honestly a really bad explanation..). I managed to hurt my shoulder in the inclined bench press, so I had some difficulties to do this exercise because of that, but I managed :)

Close Grip Bench Press

5 sets x 5 reps

Same idea, heavy enough so the last reps are difficult to do. I did 25 kgs and on the last set I did 7 reps, cause I was a bit annoyed because of something we were talking about with M, so I got extra energy to do some extra sets 😄That was all the shoulder and chest exercises we did. I decided to do some abs as well. I did 4 sets on the Ab machine, 10 reps x 20 kgs, and then I planked for two minutes, couldn't do more. My shoulders were so tired that they basically caved in 😃

Hope you all have a cozy evening, I know I will. M is making Spaghetti Carbonara, yummy!! :)


​In the video I am first doing 27,7 kgs and then I am doing 30 kgs!



Hi guys,

Now that I'm looking out of our living room window everything has changed. The leaves have changed color and some of them have already dropped their leaves. The lighting outside is different as well, it's grey and cloudy. I feel less motivated to do things when the darkness starts creeping in through the window this time of year..

Enough of this depressing stuff :D

Made myself my usual breakfast: Coffee, an boiled egg and porridge with berries :) I'm enjoying it at the same time as i'm writing this post. Plans for today are still open except that we're going to gym after breakfast! :)

What are you guys up to on an autumny day like this?