I'm so beyond over worked. I'm working 3 jobs trying to take care of Dylan. I will continue too until the day I die. He deserves nothing but the best and I will give him that. My son means the world to me. He's one of two men that id do absolutely anything for to make sure they are okay and happy. Currently struggling to try and see the bright side of my best friend leaving me. It's the hardest thing to face everyday. Continuing to talk to him and not being able to act caring and loving because he doesn't want me there. Letting go of him will be something I won't be able to do. I can't sleep at the thought of completely losing him and all I want is what's best for him even if it's without me ever again. What sucks about that is going to have to see him happy with someone else going to have to NEVER talk to him again and completely cut him out of my life. Hopefully it never ends up that way hopefully this time apart he misses me the way I miss him hopefully he still loves me the way I love him, and hopefully he still wants me the way I want him. 2 years waiting to be with this amazing guy and less than two months I lost him. I'm trying between work caring for Dylan and whatever is going on with my best friend to hold it together but Fuck it's so hard having absolutely no one to talk to. Absolutely no one who cares about me enough to be here for me. It hurts being 110% alone. This is so beyond hard to only have yourself to talk to and figure out how to be okay every morning. Waking up in a constant panic knowing my life is falling apart in front of my eyes and having to try and calm myself down alone. How does one handle this, how does one handle losing their best friend forever and the one person that promised they'd never leave your side and that you'd have to be the one to leave them that they'd never leave you but guess what I'm always the one that's left alone hopeless hurt worthless and useless. The only thing keeping me strong and going is my son and the new "promise" that this is all temporary.
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