I can't imagine a time where i've ever been alone. I've never lived alone till now, never been alone till now, never had nobody till now. So much has changed, so much growing up has gone on. I want a family, for some reason i feel like that would make me feel complete; but i know it won't. IN a blink of an eye everything around me has fallen apart and I'm supposed to be the one to hold it all together and never slip up because of my son, but fuck this shit is hard. Taking care of him and raising him is so beyond easy, but trying to hold myself together at the same time is so beyond hard. I bet most moms feel this way, but don't express like i do. I don't know what the hell I'm doing no mom does, but i know i'm doing a fucking awesome me job at taking care of my child. As far as taking care of myself i'm working on it and i know whats bestie to cut everyone out and just focus on me even the good people because everyone is a fucking mooch; they all take advantage of my willingness to help and make shit work instead of realizing how hard it if for me to hold it all together. Then I'm considered a bitch for snapping and defending myself every once in awhile, since no one else will. At this point i could careless what anyone thinks or says. I am doing an amazing job at raising my son and i need to focus on myself it'll be what's best for myself. No matter what happens around me my son and I come first, fuck everyone else that says they'll be there and are never there when I need them. This is why i learned to be so independent and to never count on family or friends, no one is ever truly there for you. My own sons father isn't there when he needs him and he's only 4 months old, he is only there for when his son is having a good day.
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