I never seem to really move on
from anything really.
Not even when people seem to have
moved on from me.
forgot about me.

No,

even then I'm still hoping,
still wondering.
That maybe one day
we can move back
to the place where non of us
moved on to anything.

The place where the taste of your name
was still the sweetest thing I've ever tasted.

I miss you, you know.

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You may have flipped the page as so many times before.
But the folded edges with scribbled feelings,
pictures of movie sequences that were carefully taken out from your minutes in life,

will always echo inside of you.

Like a tattoo, you impulsively let be done
because somehow you knew that no matter how it would end,
you would always wear the memories while the feelings slowly faded away and turned grey as time flew by,
and you suddenly forgot why you even cared.

But until then,
before everything turns into a forgotten post-it note and flies away into the mystic:
treat it for what it was.
Because in the moment it made you feel a type of way, and that's something that never will fade.

Emotions will come and go,
but memories will always leave a shadow on your skin.
Just like that tattoo you impulsively let be done,
because deep inside you knew that you would always carry the stories.
Both the good ones and the bad ones.

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We're not always okay
and honestly,
that's okay

You can be strong yet vulnerable
happy but still sad.

Aching for love while craving loneliness,
having your life figured out when standing still.

Emotions are temporary, so don't get too attached.
Just flow with it.

Because in between misery and happiness,
in the middle of the whirlwind, we call life

Remember;

It's okay to not always be okay.

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It's not being alone that scares you the most

It's the loneliness you left yourself with
when you walked away from who you thought you were
in search of something you could grasp onto

Something objective
something real.

Because when voices around you
convinces you to be this
convinces you to be that

You're not there to speak up
stand up for yourself.

No,

The scariest thing is not being alone

The scariest thing is when you wake up in the middle of the night
when the quietness is as present as it has ever been
leaving a shadow on your skin
inch by inch

And when the morning light arises
old routines seems to take charge of life again

That is the scariest thing

Not being here
not being real

Not being you.

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Somehow you always choose to be alone

Maybe it's because it's easier to push people away
instead of letting them in.

Because when time chases you down a one-way road
breathless with a pounding head and heart

It's hard to think about anything else
then how to sneak yourself out of that corner

The corner you somehow ran into
while trying to figure your life out

Figure yourself out.

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We say that we are,
but how can we be when we're not here?
To live in the past and not in the now
Live for someone else and not for yourself.

You may live in the present, but enjoy past tense so much more
Trying to throw yourself forward and not be tossed behind

The melody reminiscent of an easier time,
The song they played when the movie was over

Just kids but so much more.

Teenage nights with sand between your toes
your first alcohol rush behind the mountains
the kiss that could lead to so much more if the summer night's light
had never burned out.

Movie sequences that will always be there,
always be stuck on replay.

Sometimes you're not here, even if you say that you are
Easier to live in something one recognizes

Maybe you're afraid of taking new pictures
Maybe you're not ready just yet.

Certainly, it is true
That where something ends,
something new begins

So let's start being here
Because we always say that we are.

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I won't fall in love

Nor will I be aching to be loved

I will walk towards it

I will choose a direction, and so will you.

Maybe we will walk side by side

Maybe we will choose different paths.

One day I will feel butterflies collide and crash inside of me

Starting a fire, I never want to burn out

One day I will be looking at someone, knowing that I will choose him

over and over again

Knowing that he will choose me

over and over again

However,

One day is not today

Nor is it tomorrow

Today I will choose to love myself, to accept all my flaws and to embrace them

Tomorrow I will continue to choose myself

over and over again

Because after all,

How can I start loving someone else?

Before I can start loving myself.

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Back in the homeland for the holidays, walking paths I always walked as a kid

Same old, same road

Can't stop thinking about where I would have been if I decided to walk the same direction as everyone else. 

Would I have been just like them? Would I even be close of being the one I am today?

Maybe some people are born to create their own paths, maybe others are not.

Soon I'm leaving again

And in the middle of everything I always find myself enjoying the road less traveled.

Being home reminds me of an easier time, and I don't want to live an easy life.

I want to ride every wave of high and low, I want to feel alive.

Not trapped in something our society has created for us.

No.

I want to breathe here, embrace whatever life is throwing at me.

Be here.

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