As I’m getting closer to my 22nd year on this planet called the mother earth it’s hard to not reflect on my life so far and what’s about to come. I have spent my time back in the homeland with friends and family as much as possible and tried to go back to the places where my childhood is based on. It’s safe to say that I’ve been through a lot of phases in my life and not always with a smile on my face as I have today. You think that everything will look the same as it did when you left but it’s the biggest lie you can ever tell yourself. Nothing stays the same. People are moving on, going through things that changes them and leave us that left confused and with a lot of thoughts that are floating around in the microchip we call our brain. When I was younger I was stuck. I was searching for someone to love me before I even started to love myself and I went through a lot of self-insecurities. I never thought I would end up being such a independent and strong person as I am today. Sometimes it’s good to reflect on life, see where you are where you’ve been but also where you want to be. It’s hard to realize what you’re doing when you’re in it and that’s why a lot of people are taking the wrong path and never seems to change direction.Yes,I’ve been trying stuff I shouldn’t have just to try to feel something I want to feel but never did. Life is so much bigger than you and it scares the shit out of me. You have those dreams that have been living through you and with you for so many years now but you never know when or if they will become your reality. People say that you just need to believe in yourself but it’s not easy to be in your early twenties and believe in something that is not even close to be finished. You are not finished when you’re twenty years old. When I was fifteen I thought that being twenty-two meant two kids, husband and a house. I am twenty-one now without a man in my life, I am living in an apartment with two roommates and I’m not even close having anything called a fifty hours work every week. It’s crazy how life turns out to be completely the opposite of what you thought it would consist of. Life is funny that way, it gives you apples sometimes when you asks for melons and it gives you wine when you thought you would only get water. I thought I was in love once. I thought he was the one but turned out just being one in the line. I thought I was going to be a soccer star but ended up going to college instead. What I’m trying to get out of this text is that life is strange. It gives you stressful moments when you need to be your best self and it makes you do stuff you never thought you would do.Sometimes the best thing you can do is not to think. Not wonder. Not imagine. Not obsess. Just breathe. Just have faith that everything will work out for the best. Because when you think about it, you are twenty-two years old, about to realize what you want to do with your life, about to spend time with the people you want to spend your time with rather then the people you thought you should’ve spent time with. Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between doing what you want and what others want you to do. Because let’s face it, when someone says, “you’ve changed” it simply means that you’ve stopped living your life their way. I never thought I would be studying in America when I was fourteen, I never thought I would be playing soccer instead of doing track and field and I never thought that reggae would be my signature music genre. People are always asking themselves what the meaning of life is. If you asked me for a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have any answers to that, but today I would say it’s the experience of all amazing unexpected things that is happening on your journey. You just got to sail it through and realize that life is bigger than yourself and that you can’t plan it, because life has a way to surprise you with things that will make you end up somewhere you never thought you would. So just because your past didn’t turned out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagine. So point your middle finger to the society that tries to manipulate you and live your life like it is yours and no one else’s.
/ a soon to be 22 year old girl trying to find her place in this world.