I might have mentioned in an earlier post that I like to do and donate for charities. Today I found out about a pop-up store in London which also has an online website. It's called Choose love. They sell items like a dictionary, a baby grow and hot food, which you buy but instead of you getting them they send the items to a refugee in need of what you just bought. How clever its that?

In times like these when there are so many people fleeing their countries I think this is probably one of the greatest things you could to to help. The people who get these things are in desperate need of shelter, food and clothes. It's completely up to you what you buy, and there is no minimum amount of money that you have to spend, the prices range between £3 to £320.
The money you would spend on this are not in anyway near as much of a waste as that overpriced Starbucks coffee. And doing things like this is what I feel that christmas is all about, helping others and being grateful for what we have. Imagine being that refugee child getting a jacket to keep them warm during the cold winter nights, wouldn't anyone be oh so grateful for such a simple thing? Or cocking pans to eat proper cooked food!

I really think this is one of the most valuable things to do this christmas. This is something that truly makes a difference for so many people, and they would be forever grateful!

- A

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Today I got a tattoo. A peony under my breasts. It HURT, a lot, but it was and will always be worth it!

Honestly tattoos is something that just makes me feel great. Because to me the tattoos you get display a part of your self, and for me who don't put myself "out there" or who don't talk too much it's important to have a way of telling people something about myself without actually saying anything. I don't expect that everybody will get what I'm telling you and I don't always have an actual story behind it. But whatever it's telling you I'm sure it will be something that you think positively of and hopefully that's something you do about me as well.

The guy that did my tattoo was such a sweetheart and his style of tattoos is exactly the type I want. The fact that he also LOVE doing flower tattoos just made it so so great. Like you know how you sometimes can tell that somebody isn't too excited about doing some tattoos? This guy was just shining with excitement when I stepped into the studio.

Despite me loving tattoos as much as I do they really do hurt getting done. This one especially. I've never gotten a tattoo so close to the bones and now I was on the bones. Well on the skin where the bones are, but you get me. Though the tattoo artist said the funniest thing and I couldn't stop thinking about it. When we were doing the parts that were supposed to hurt the most he just said "I'd never be able to do this, you're taking it like a champ" and then proceeded to talk to the other guy in the room about how men were way wimpier that women when it came to handling pain. I thought it was so funny that he said that and that they both completely agreed on it, and it definitely made me cockier kept keeping it together "like a champ". That guy is definitely going to be doing more tattoos on me in the future.

-A

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Continuing on the christmas theme I started yesterday, I've started thinking about what to wish for. I always find it ridiculously hard to come up with something good to wish for so I've started thinking a lot earlier lately. Last year, after hearing about it for several years, I finally wished for something called a "nothing" card. In Sweden we have a charity organisation called Rädda Barnen or Save the Children, which is a direct translation of the name. They started selling these nothing-cards for christmas a few years ago to give as a gift to someone. You can choose from 4 different packages and they cost differently depending on the content of the package. The package I got last year was a sleep package, it was filled with blankets and pillows and everything needed to have a good nights sleep when you're on the run. It was sent to a number of children travelling through the mountains of Nepal, if I remember correctly. And then there are packages with things for school and clothes etc.

This is something that I will never be able to stop wishing for and I know that when I have the money to, I will give this to the rest of my family to. This means so much to me and it's the most I can do at the moment with the budget that I have. I've always wanted to give money and especially to children, I don't have the money to every month send money but this is the best I can do now.

This was the first thing I wrote on my wish-list and to do something good like this makes me feel so so good about myself. I was so happy when I found a way to donate money cause it's what I've wanted to do for so long. Children in need is something I feel very strongly about, no matter where they are and where they're from.

-A

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You know when you wake up and there's this half grey light coming from your blinds? You pull up your blinds and everything is covered in white thick snow and the sky is all grey because of the snow clouds shielding the sky. And it's December and you just can't help but feel the christmas spirit properly start to creep in. I long for that feeling right now. It's only October and I've started lighting my christmas candles.
My family has never been very crafty when it comes to decoration our home or wrapping gifts pretty. I have always wished that we would go about more all out with that but it just never happens. Wrapping paper is bought last minute and it isn't always the prettiest, christmas cards are forgotten and what not. This is one of the very reasons why I can't wait until I have my own income, when I make my own money so that I can buy and be as crafty during the holidays as I've always wished to be.
I love watching Zoella on youtube and all the things she does for the holidays. I wish I had a big house of my own that I could do exactly as I liked with. Right now I get to have a say with the christmas tree, cause it has always looked to cluttered for my liking and for the past few years I've been allowed to take down a few things and not mix too many colours in the tree.

I long for the smell of christmas baking and of the foods on Christmas Eve. I long for the chilly nights with snow covered streets that our feet will take us along during the early evenings. I long to see the streets filled with cozy lights and lots of people dressed in big coats.

Despite people saying that they hate christmas and those who are like me, who start preparing for christmas months before, you can't deny that even those people cheer up a bit more. This season truly brings a smile to everyone's faces. The entire season is just about love for one another and showing it off.

I long to wake up to half grey light coming from my blinds, because when I do that I'll know it's almost christmas.

-A

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​It's been almost a month since I last blogged. I hope everyone's doing well. 
Since I last posted I have booked an appointment for a third tattoo, YAY! I have gotten tons of things to do in school, we got the rolls for our very last musical that we'll be performing in May, and I've started hanging out with my childhood friends a bit more. My life has for some reason, in the middle of all this chaos, gotten better and I have started to get a hold of things I've been trying to get a hold of for the past 18 years of my life.. haha! But I've been properly trying to get a hold of everything for the past, at least, two years. I've gone from having extreme anxiety to be able to deal with stress quite well. 

Over these past two years I have started to like and accept myself and my body a lot more. I don't hide underneath big sweaters and I don't cry in the fitting rooms anymore, mostly because I don't go there. I don't actually buy clothes at all anymore, but I'm working on my body. Despite the fact that I like myself I don't feel confident in my body and I'm working on that. I'm loosing weight and I'm no longer hiding as much from social contact because of the shape of my body! ​ 
I'm out for either a run or just a walk everyday, and when I come home I do some weight lifting and such in my living room, I have gotten into a routine that fits me and that I think is fun an ´d I'm just starting to love life so much. I personally think I hav matured so much ever since I started Upper secondary and now I'm, if possible, more ready than ever for the future.

I wish that everyone would just realise the things I have realised these past two years. I wish everyone would start valuing their life a bit different and look past all the obligations that the society has put up for us! There is so much that is in our way to be completely happy and it's so important to find out what means the most to you.

-A​​

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I've known for the past two-ish years that I've had anxiety, bad anxiety. I have never been someone who has worried about a lot of things, but when I was the most depressed my anxiety started.

About two years ago when my anxiety started I noticibly started worry about more and more things, but not the normal things like friends hanging out without me or, you know, the normal stuff you worry about when you're a teenager. I started worrying about the environment, about political issues, about natural disasters. Things like political issues has always been an interest of mine and something I've been very passionate about but when my axiety started I began worrying about these things. I have ever since had trouble sleeping because of nightmares, because I overthink at night and because I have anxiety.

​I try to find ways to overcome this "fear" but whenever I search for ways to do so I always find the same answers for the same issues. People take for granted that people are anxious and paranoid about the same things, and for those who are worried about the way their friends act; there's an entire world out there for you ready to calm you mind and make you less paranoid. But for me, and those like me, there is nothing for us. There are a lot of articles for those who have been traumatized in a terror attack but I've never been in one, I just worry about them too much for my own good. It honeslty takes up my life and I never know how to deal with it.

There are times when I worry about going to bed because I know I've read or heard "too much" about what's going on in the world, I know I won't be able to sleep and that I will overthink and make up horrible scenarios in my head.

When I first started to worry about all of these things, it started off with the environment, and I became very aware of how I treat this earth. I'm not one of those crazy vegans or vegetarians who rant WAY too much about this, but I am very aware of what i eat and where it comes from. I cringe when my mom buy too much meat, even though I know we won't eat all of it in one week cause we buy a lot of food, about like 4 times a month.

But I'm paranoid, about the things, I feel, no one else worries about. 

If you're paranoid or have anxiety as well, and you worry as much as I do, try to rememeber that it's all in your head and all you can ever do is make the most and the best of the situations. Writing like this helps me deal with stuff, and sometimes it makes it worse. But I get it out of my system and that's also an important thing to do, no matter how you do it, it's good enough.

As I said in my last post, always stay positive!

-A

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Have you ever had a person in your life that always manages to be negative? Whatever it is that your talking about they always have something negative to say about it. I'm sure everybody has a person like that, but if you don't, they'll come along eventually.
One of my friends that I'm a bit closer with, she is negative ALL THE TIME. I don't know how to deal with it cause no matter how I try to make her see things from the bright side, she finds something negative to point out.
It literally sends me into a rage and I constantly try not to just yell at her, cause you know, it's not polite to yell and she's my friend.

As all of the other times when I have issues I google what to do about it, and you constantly get the answer to get rid of the person despite them being your "best friend". I can't really get rid of her because I don't know how to and I don't know who she'll have afterwards. Nor do I know who I will have afterwards, cause she is the one I talk to and do most things with. If I were to leave her I would feel more lonely than now.
What I really wish though is that we wouldn't be in the same class, because that affects me and my grades negatively since we don't value school equally. We don't value a lot of things the same way, we actually are completely different but we just ended up being friends because we had no one else. Or I didn't at all and she didn't have someone in real life.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I just need to tell someone that my best friend is that negative person that just completely brings you down but you can't leave them because then you won't have anyone and that is just super depressing and stressing.

If you're in the same position as me, or in a position remotely like mine just remember that as long as you stay positive you won't be as affected by it. I have become so much more positive from always having a negative person around me. If you want someone to help you stay positive as well I recommend watching Pointlessblog on Youtube, his vlogs, they are super positive, happy and fun! He vlogs his everyday life and is always in a happy mood and does everything for his viewers, I love him! Watch him and his youtuber friends to stay happy and positive.

-A

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After having this blog for about a month I realise I haven't really told you anything about who I am as a person and that's something I find that I want to do.
I started of this post not really knowing what to tell you so when I had written a few things I couldn't come up with anything good anymore so I figured that these "this or that" questions, despite every blogger doing them, would be fun and easier, soo here we go!

(The ones I choose are the "bigger" words.)

Obviously these are by no means personal, but they're things about me, things I like and what I'd rather do, you know?

Cat or dog 

Netflix or Youtube

Phone call or text

Cardio or weights

Instagram or Twitter

Pop or Rock

Big party or small gathering

Bath or shower

Online shopping or in store

Most important in a partner: Intellegent or funny

Money or free time

Pancakes or waffles

Coffee or tea

ALSO

I live in Sweden

The reason why I don't give out my identity is because I like the idea of not everybody knowing everything about me. Like my friends don't know about this blog, and those who someday may see this blog will never know me by anthing athoer than my "alter ego".

-A

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These are three models whom I've been loving lately and their sense for fashion (which they obvi have)

The sisters Bella & Gigi Hadid and the one and only Kendall Jenner!

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I know I haven't written in a while. I've been busy with literally everyting since I got home from London. Though that's not an excuse for not doing the one thing that keeps me sane at the moment. I don't even think I wrote after the concert I went to.

The concert I went to was the third time seeing that band and it was definitely their best concert here, in the country where I live. They haven't realeased any new music in the last two years so I haven't really been as involved with them or their lives as before. I hadn't realised just how much I had missed them as I did when we stood there, FRONT ROW! Well almost.. But there were only about four people between me and the four boys I feel at home with. They didn't play too long, about 1,5h. It was super good, they spoke and lauged so much and the audience was the most respectful they have ever been. No out of line-yelling, no pushing, just 2000 people loving and respecting the band infront of them. No panic attacks from me!

London. We went there on Tuesday the 29th of August and stayed until September 2nd. London is truly the place where I want to move, maybe not settle down but for sure spend some time of my life. England is the place I want to call home and my allergies was not as bad there as at home, so that's another reason to go. The travel there was waay longer than I thought. The plane was delayed, the bus to London took ages and when we got to the apartment it was late and we were too tired to do anything else than eat. So we quickly went to the grocery store, got food and went home and watched the first episode of the new season of The Great British Bake Off.
The second day we went out for a bit, in the pouring rain. Popped in to Lush on Oxford street and bought a few things and the later in the afternoon we went to Warner Bros, the Harry Potter studios. It was truly AMAZING! Harry Potter is honestly the only thing I remember from my childhood and I love it so so much. I wanted to cry walking through the entire tour. I loved it.
The rest of the week we went touristing, looking at Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and what not. We also did a bit of shopping but I actually didn't get too much stuff. I got two new Harry Potter books, two records and a few things from Lush, including a bathbomb which I used in the bathtub of the aparment.

Right now all my time is spent doing my finishing project, coming up with what to write and planning it. I'm not too stressed about it but I definitley don't enjoy it, as i barely know what I'm doing. We have had our teachers telling us what not to do and how to not do things and actually the more I think about it the more stressing it is.. Oh well, every student ever has to do it and they manage, so I will too. One way or another.

-A

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