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LIFE & REALITY
It's true..

Months have passed & within those months my world shifted around once again.
I have become a lot more comfortable in this new life, on a much deeper level. I used to feel a bit stranded & out of place. It felt as though those emotions were going to last forever. But now I feel very hopeful. I may be getting employed soon, which will take care of the main reason as to why I feel so 'non-independent'. My language skills here have improved dramatically & I've been studying around 4-5 hours 4 days a week in order to improve my skills even further.  I still don't have any form of transportation, however, my husband & I are eventually moving into a little city which will then resolve that issue. That way I plan to bus wherever I cannot walk until I get a car license & a car.

Besides these few little updates not much has changed. I am still loving being in a normal relationship & I think I finally have started to comprehend the fact that I do not have to face the distance ever again. My husband & I are still as 'attached to the hip' as we always have been, if not, even more. He has been SO damn supportive of me since I have moved & it truly helps to have someone who knows what you are going through. It has been a very difficult but positive change to have moved 4,000 miles away from everything I have ever known. I can say the same about his family, they also understand how difficult it is to adapt to such a different place with such a different language. Also, the language barrier between us diminishes a little more every day I study, which contributes a lot to my motivation.

My main goal is to keep up with the studying & keep my eye on getting an income. ​I REALLY want to fly back to Canada as soon as possible. My family is doing well but my mother is not getting any younger & I miss them all so much.

​It breaks my heart that the two sides of my world will never become one.
​It's a tough reality. 
But, lot's of hard work will make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with. 

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LIFE & REALITY
HOW DID I NOT CONCLUDE THIS?

Do I even remember how to blog? Surprisingly, yes. I know it's been awhile but my time has mostly been focused on letting my mind settle with the new challenges that have come with this new life.
​Well, this is basically going to be a random insight rant about what's going on inside my mind..

The language barrier
Not much has changed, obviously, since I am not in language school yet but it still cuts me in all the right places. Forever feeling invisible, forever being interrupted because the English language is not fluently recognised. Forever feeling like the social experiences I encounter are not satisfying enough because 80% of it is just me staring into space wondering if I'll ever be able to interact with people properly. I may sound bitter, I may sound like I am blaming those around me but that is NOT the case. It is NOBODYS fault that I was not born knowing every language in the world. HOWEVER, from my point of view, it is very very difficult to deal with. I feel alone, like an Alien. My pride is stripped because I don't feel like I fully exist. I knew it would bother me, I knew I would be impatient as hell, but I didn't know it would lay such a heavy burden on me. On my pride, on my ability to stay as confident as I was before I left Canada.

No Job. No Money. No Transportation.
Who would have guessed?! Obviously not me. I mean I knew it would be like this but I did not realise how much I enjoyed having my independence. In Canada I had a job I liked, money in my bank, bus tickets in my pocket, a coffee in my hand, beer in my fridge & friends I could go out to see whenever the hell I pleased. I would go to work, socialise, come home, pop open a beer & plan for the week ahead. For a normal relationship I made a trade. I traded in everything that made me feel human. Like an adult. Like an individual. No, I am NOT regretting this because it's all TEMPORARY. However, it still is taking a huge toll on me. For a day I wish I could go back to Canada. Go get a coffee at a public place & be surrounded by people whom I recognize, understand & can INITIATE a normal conversation with. It would make me feel human again. ​One of the things that made me survive any trials I faced on that side of ocean was my independence. All I had to do was look in the mirror & THAT PERSON gave me what I wanted, what I needed.

Now, I look at her & I don't feel that way. I feel pathetic, alone & I feel like a child again. I want her back.
​I don't have a clue when we will meet again & that scares me. 

Wife Life
Nope, not what you may be thinking. My wife life is treating me very well [regardless of anything related to the above topics, of course]. My only concerns with this topic is self confidence. It's diminishing. It has nothing to do with Tommy, he is doing a perfect job with our new, non distant, relationship. It's just myself who is so caught up in everything that is bothering me [aka: the issues listed above] to feel like I am good enough. I wake him for work, everyday. I make him lunch, everyday. I make him dinner, everyday. I keep our house clean, everyday. But at the end of the day I feel worthless. I know he appreciates all I do. It's only fair, he works & I don't. But with everything above that is eating away at me it's hard to feel like a loving, successful wife when you have no job, no personal money, no personal life. At least I know that he knows how I was in Canada; independent & confident. I just hope he will deal with my ups & downs that will inevitably occur until I truly feel I am home here. Like I am individual here. 

Holy shit, I wrote a lot. I think that covers the only things that I am struggling with in this new life of mine. I hope people don't get the impression that I am regretting this, or unhappy. I am happy, but I know I am NOT happy to my FULL POTENTIAL & at the moment it is just a terrible waiting game. 

I technically traded in one waiting game for another. Wow. That's ironic. 

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LIFE & REALITY
THE PAST TWO MONTHS HAVE BEEN AMAZING

I know I have not written a blog lately, but it's been a crazy adventure these past two months.

Mostly it's been a lot of catching up & setting up. Catching up with Tommy due to being apart so long & setting up our beautiful little house together. I moved in so fluently, it feels as though I've been here for years already, in a good way haha. How's our marriage going? PERFECT, like literally. For anyone who was concerned that we would not get along as well once we moved in together that has NOT occurred. We still blend together like Kebab & Fries. It amazes me to this day.

How is it being away from my Canadian family & friends? I don't like the word 'hate' so I will say that it is not easy. I really wish I had a tunnel that connected us on a physical level. I'm relieved that Skype is here to help me out, especially with my mother who has done an AMAZING job keeping in touch with me. I love how happy she sounds when we speak & how she can tell how happy I have become since I moved. As for my friends, they seem very proud of me & are liking the updates I've been giving them on all my social media profiles.

There truly are no words that can describe how alleviated I feel to be here. I have no disappointments, only more & more surprises! My new life is incredible & I cannot wait to see what new adventures it continues to bring :)

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LIFE & REALITY
Our lives have finally started . .

It's only been 2 weeks since I moved home to Scandinavia & everything has been moving along ever so perfectly. I have unpacked everything I own & the remaining furnishings that we needed to get sorted have been built. The past week has been quite busy, lots of furniture building, yard work & several minor errands that needed to be done. This Wednesday [April 13th] Tommy & I are going to pick up our new gorgeous Ragdoll kitties. One is a boy named Marshmallow [7 months old] & the other is girl named Sali [2 years old]. The breeder lives very close to us & is just as excited as we are to have them move in with us. We have already ordered some cat toys & a cat tower for the little fuzz balls to enjoy. Nothing could make me feel more at home than having a cat, or rather cats, to live here with us. I have always had cats in my life so not having them is very unnatural to me.

Besides all of the above the next few weeks should be a more calm, especially since I will have new little kitties to babysit as they get used to their new forever home ღ

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LIFE & REALITY
My Flight leaves tonight . .

I can't even begin to comprehend how I'm feeling right now...

I can only begin to believe that I get to go back to such a gorgeous place, to see the other side of my family again & most importantly, my husband again. However, to even attempt to believe that I get to live with him, that this DISTANCE is over - that is impossible to believe. We have fought through these 4,000 miles of distance for over 5 years, it's as though there is nothing else, as if our relationship can never be a 'normal' non distant relationship. But as of April 1st 2016 it will be the start of our new, amazing life together.

My flight leaves at 6:30PM [Alberta/Edmonton time] tonight & I will arrive in my husbands arms around 2:30PM Scandinavian time. Once I arrive we plan to drop my luggage off at our home (which I HAVE NOT yet seen) & than continue over to my mother in law's place to celebrate my homecoming. He is not letting me actually see/tour our place until AFTER my homecoming party & yes, the excitement is REAL! I've had my eye on this gorgeous little house for over two years & it just so happened, since my last trip over, that it went up for rent & my husband got it! But after my journey, lots of family hugs & some champagne I will get to see my lovely home. It will be the most thrilling evening of my life..

Soon I'll be on a plane for the first time in over two years & my new life with be just a few clouds away!!

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LIFE & REALITY
I'm coming home..

As of February 26th 2016 I have proudly received my 'yes' to go home & live with my darling husband in Scandinavia. I got home from a typical day at work, a casual day of just trying to forget my anxious thoughts & desires, to then find an email awaiting me. An email which I have been yearning for for far too long. My breathing stopped at a hault & I whispered to myself 'Is this the day?..' I rushed to call Tommy on Skype & even he was in disbelief. But sure enough, it was the day the distance was broken,

It's been a few days now, normal days, of just work & sleep. I'm finally almost over a stubborn head cold I have had even before I got my 'yes'. I had a few glasses of whiskey, woke up without an expected hangover & was surprised. But, a cold followed a day after. Now of course, when I am off & I want to drink a beer to celebrate I'm sick, so I'm avoiding all alcohol until this cold passes. Of course, both of my lovely families know about the amazing news & both of which are very relieved & happy for me. I am booking my ticket sometime within the last week of March so these next few weeks will be little Skype & LOTS of family time. I plan to make up for the lack of Skyping when I get my ass home..

Home; I get to go home. To my husband, to my beautiful house I haven't even been in yet, to that gorgeous landscape & to my other family who is dying to see me. I'm packed & ready to leave. All I need is my final pay checks to come in & I'll be having a long awaited date with Flight Centre . OMG OMG I CAN'T WAIT !!

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LIFE & REALITY
'Is it like the ocean?..'

Soon it will be 5 years since we took each other by the hand & said 'Let's see where this connection goes'. The way we have grown as individuals is a significant way to tell how long it has been, but I feel like our first face-to-face meeting was just a few months ago. I still find myself captivated by how strong our Love has made us. It is far from easy, but our connection makes it work.

How are we holding up?..

The immigration website updates every month & it updated already for December. I was TERRIFIED to see what the guestimate may have changed to. But thankfully, March is still our 'latest waiting point'. Tommy also recently contacted our case worker & we were right, we are on our last step. Just yearning for that stamp of approval. If only the person who makes that 'stamp' knew how much that means to us, our friends & our loving family. It was frustrating after the interview, thinking I'll be able to move by the end of September, quitting my job, to only find that it could take several more months. Only to get another job & let my mind re-adjust to the thought of being away even longer. - But, I am doing as well as can be expected. No depression, that I know of & no addictive ways of getting by. However, when I see the videos of our visits & I see myself it's as though I am looking at someone else in my body. Such a truly happy, free, fun-loving soul. Here, I am just existing. Tommy has always said he strongly relates to these emotions. We are just two combined souls that cannot fully function without the other. Although that may sound deep to others, we know damn well that it is worth it. We will not have it any other way.

"It's like I am in a stage of purgatory. Healthy & strong. But my liveliness is put on hold. The girl I see in those videos is just sick of waiting, so sick that she cannot pretend anymore. So she hides away.."

She is still here, inside of me. She is just silently waiting to come alive again. 
And trust me, when that email comes in it will only take SECONDS to feel reborn..

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BODY MODIFICATIONS

​So here is the start of my growing plug collection . . 

I must say, it's really great to be at my goal size & finally be able to make purchases like this. Before gauging up I never changed my earrings. I found a pair I liked & left them in. ​Now that I have reached 4G I have so many options, that it's almost overwhelming to someone who usually doesn't 'shop' for earrings, like ever. 

Most of my purchases have been from different sellers on Etsy.com & a few from Ebay :)​
​​

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​Just another day, without you..

​​Just last week my husband called our case worker & it seems our 'yes' that we are dying for could possibly be delayed by the amount of refugees rushing into Sweden. It shattered me... it made me literally lose all my energy & feel that familiar loss of life that I have gotten to know so well. The only positive things we found out were that the documents we sent were very throughout & our overall efforts have been very helpful since the beginning of this. She told us to keep an eye on the processing times that are updated monthly on the website & surely enough a few days later it was updated. It was very easy to understand & the conclusion was this; 6-12 months. BUT that includes the ENTIRE waiting time, so in other words, we are on our 10th month right now so hopefully by December we will finally be able to reunite, for good.

It's been stressful, because after the interview they said the waiting time left should not be more than 2 months maximum. I quit my job, planned everything out & now here I am, still in Canada. I had to go back to a previous employer for a seasonal position so I can continue to pay rent. Also, I can't be jobless while waiting.. I am so anxious, restless & so DAMN READY to move on with my life. But, if this is what it takes I will hold out. I am not resting until my head can lye on his chest every night. - Here's to praying to the Norths Gods, for December.. 

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LIFE & REALITY

The Survival...

I have been in my current long distant relationship with my husband for 5 years, as of this coming February 2016. I am currently living in Canada, where I was born & as for him he was born in Scandinavia .We met on an online chat client called 'IMVU' & have been closely connected ever since. At this moment, I have applied for my resident permit & am waiting for my last email, granting me to finally fly home to my husband. After telling people about my relationship I always get responses like "How do you manage?" or "I wouldn't be able to do it, good for you!" Which leads me to this subject -
How do I & my darling get by on a day to day basis?..

Well, in the morning I wake him up for work after sleeping on Skype for the entire night. Then we hang up & he phones me back on his cell phone's Skype application once he is in his truck. He is a night trucker so he works during the daytime hours of Canada, which collides well with my own sleeping pattern. In the mean time I go get breakfast & coffee before meeting him back on Skype. We would then talk for hours until he gets to the location where he unloads his cargo. Also, by this time, I would have to get ready for my own job &/or day out. While out I always keep in touch through Facebook messenger, letting him know where I plan to be, how long & also when I will be back home on Skype. When I am at my own work place I would let him know what time (Scandinavia time) I am planning on taking my break & see if it works well for him. If not, I would rearrange it, if possible, so that we could talk. For the working end, that is how we normally communicate.  ​- Remember, voice & communication is ALL you have. USE it wisely! Believe it or not; Tommy & I have yet to argue. We always thoroughly discuss any issues we may be having. Either it be between us, or about our own seperate lives. Some may hear it & assume it's an argument due to the serious tone we have be using, but honestly, it's our way of getting past any difficulties in a healthy way, with the intent to heal & cure the problem.  

CAM-DATES

We try to schedule 'cam-dates' & by 'cam-dates' I mean a day where we both intend to fire up our webcams & visit live for awhile. Since we usually just use voice, because of work, being lazy &/or gaming. I truly love our 'cam-dates' because they do not happen often, but when they do it's very refreshing. It is very difficult to truly embrace the connection when you can not see the persons face, meaning 'reading' them is not as fluent. But on live camera, it is a lot more like being face-to-face. It's absolutely a great way to connect & making a date out of it enables us to be sure we won't be interrupted.

INTIMACY

Yes, it is possible. Even while me & my darling are 4,000 miles apart what we make of our sex life is very much worth the effort. Skype of course is the main link to this subject, that & HD webcams! I own a 17 inch Alienware laptop & with that I have a HD Logitech webcam. Not one of Logitech's REALLY expensive products, but it is definitely HD. I have had these two pieces of equipment for almost 3 years & they both are in perfection condition! They have served me VERY well & I am extremely thankful for the time & money that went into purchasing them. My darling & I have always been intimate over Skype, but of course, when I met him I was extremely shy & very unconfident. (He is also the first man I ever had virtual, or REAL sex with. For this, I am very proud) At first I was very quiet & reserved, but now I have discovered ways to be open, inviting & have so much fun with him! Our intimate ways mainly resulted in phone sex, but eventually it lead to live webcam sex. We would combine our cam-dates with our romantic desire, where I would show off my new lingerie & 'toys' to him under good lighting. Sometimes only I would be on live camera, sometimes only he would be or both of us at the same time. Privacy is also not easy when I have always lived with family, but I got a lock on my bedroom door which ensure that our close online encounters would not be interrupted. Once you become comfortable enough, or as comfortable as I am now, with exposing yourself to your distant Love you will see that it is not at limited as one would assume. No, it's not the 'real thing' but if you intend to stay loyal, this is definitely the way to ensure a healthy sex life, even with the distance between you two.

GAMING

Gaming is our hobby & it turns out it is a great way to feel connected while distant. Especially if you play the same game or play online together. I know not all women are as into gaming as me, but I most certainly have always been! - What do we play? World Of WarCraft, Tera, Guild Wars 2, EverQuest Landmark, Heroes Of The Storm, Smite, League Of Legends, Saints Row & so much more!

FLIGHTS & AIRPORTS

Of course, buying plane tickets & rushing through airports is a huge part of a long distant relationship. I have seen my husband six times, face-to-face for different periods of time. Sometimes for four months, sometimes only one. It depended on my job, or the ticket price or what our plans may have been for the near future. Throughout those six visits, two of them have been where Tommy came to Canada to see me. The other four have been myself flying to Scandinavia to see him. Having a steady job, or even a very flexible one while having an long distant relationship is a must! Just because Skype & WiFi exist does not mean that is the limit. Especially if you have NEVER met face-to-face! My tickets have costed me anywhere from 1,200 to 2,200 Canadian (7570 to 13879 kronor). I came to find, that usually, the further in advance that you book the round trip flight the cost will be lower. As for one-way flights, I have only recently been looking & they appear to be, according to the website I go use, cheaper then round trip flights. I am one of those people who like flying, maybe because I have only flown to see my darling, but I do truly enjoy it. I always picked the same airports for my connecting flights, so I knew what I was up for. My trips - The flying time was usually 12 hours long & I always tried to give myself at least two hours at every layover stop. I've gotten a lot better at it over time. Also, I would physically purchase my ticket, so that I could make sure I got the layover time & locations that were to my liking. The fight center I went to were truly amazing & very understanding!


~ That is about all I can gather, in the most brief way possible, when it comes to successfully being with your distant partner. However; if you have ANY questions or want help on how to manage your long distant relationship PLEASE message/email me! I will try my best to help you out & I will always reply as soon as I can! xo

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