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I fail to comprehend time, as I close in on the one year mark of moving across the world..

How did it pass by so quickly? It feels like it was only a few months ago. I can at least say that is has gone well, but with time comes the burden of missing what I left behind. If it was up to me I would be back in Canada right now. I no longer feel like a complete alien here in Scandinavia, but it's hard not to yearn for the comfort of where you were born. Where the streets all look familiar, where the faces are ones you have had by your side since birth & where it is fluent to understand what is being said around you, without any struggle. This, by far, has been one of the fastest & most challenging years of my life. There are so many thoughts that are tied to being away from my Canadian family that constantly make me anxious & places a heavy burden on my back. I know I will break down while writing this, but it needs to be said..

I constantly worry about my mother, who for quite some time now, has been one of the most unhealthiest people I have known. She may not be young anymore, but she's far too young to be caught in the web of so many problems. I constantly feel anxious, stressing out of my mind that something bad will occur & I will not be able to get to Canada fast enough. That is one of my greatest fears. I do have savings for my car license payments that I will use if an emergency comes up, but that hardly lowers the anxiety level. I feel helpless. My life path lead me away from that side of my family & there are so many things I wish I could be doing over there right now. Watching movies with mom in bed, making her some yummy dinner or taking her out for steak & mushroom soup at Outback. I feel like my hands are tied behind my back & no matter how much, or how long, I struggle it just gets tighter. Every single day I replay in my mind the last moment I had with her. She was lying in a hospital bed, shortly after having her bladder removal surgery, with a smile on her face. We were not sure if we were going to see each other again, but she made it through the surgery. I was hours away from taking my one way flight home to Tommy & if it wasn't for how proud she looked I wouldn't have been able to walk out that door. But she made it through before I had to leave & it gave me strength to carry on. I stood in the door way of her hospital room after saying a few words. She looked at me, smiling with such a familiar look & quietly said 'Be happy'. I nodded, holding back my tears & said 'I will'. I told her I loved her & I would let her know when I arrived safetly. And that was it. She made it through, so we could meet again when I flew back.

That 10 seconds is carved into my memory so deeply. Sometimes it puts a smile on my face & sometimes it stains my cheeks with tears. I promise I won't hesitate to fly back to you if you promise to stay strong for me.. ღ

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LIFE & REALITY

It's been awhile..

But, I am doing just fine. Although ever since the sun here has hidden away for winter my energy levels are lower than ever. My motivation to workout, study, etc has diminished & I go through weeks where I literally feel addicted to sleep. It doesn't help that I am awake nights due to my husband working nights, but it's a sacrifice I have been making for awhile now & I plan to keep it this way. Though the sun goes down before we wake up & it goes up again after we've gone to sleep for the night/day. What have I done to help this? Avoid over sleeping as much as possible, because it only digs the hole deeper. Work out, daily, no matter what. That seems to be what helps the most.

Besides this, I've still been making my monthly family video blogs. My YouTube channel is still going to become a thing, I am unsure when. [Still waiting for my hair to grow out.. it's half way there :P] I almost decided to delete this account/delete my written blog account because I truly enjoy video blogging a lot more, but those are still reserved for family until further notice. I do only make them so that my family in Canada can still be involved with my new life. But here I am, writing again.. It may not happen often, but it seems I'll be keeping this account for now.

Nothing else is new, honestly. Still waiting to move out of this broken house of ours [literally like 8 things are wrong with it, probably more] & get into an apartment. That is actually in a town. Where people & places are. #foreveralone

I hope everyone is doing well & that my Canadian lovelies still know that I miss them so. Until next time.. xo

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LIFE & REALITY
It's true..

Months have passed & within those months my world shifted around once again.
I have become a lot more comfortable in this new life, on a much deeper level. I used to feel a bit stranded & out of place. It felt as though those emotions were going to last forever. But now I feel very hopeful. I may be getting employed soon, which will take care of the main reason as to why I feel so 'non-independent'. My language skills here have improved dramatically & I've been studying around 4-5 hours 4 days a week in order to improve my skills even further.  I still don't have any form of transportation, however, my husband & I are eventually moving into a little city which will then resolve that issue. That way I plan to bus wherever I cannot walk until I get a car license & a car.

Besides these few little updates not much has changed. I am still loving being in a normal relationship & I think I finally have started to comprehend the fact that I do not have to face the distance ever again. My husband & I are still as 'attached to the hip' as we always have been, if not, even more. He has been SO damn supportive of me since I have moved & it truly helps to have someone who knows what you are going through. It has been a very difficult but positive change to have moved 4,000 miles away from everything I have ever known. I can say the same about his family, they also understand how difficult it is to adapt to such a different place with such a different language. Also, the language barrier between us diminishes a little more every day I study, which contributes a lot to my motivation.

My main goal is to keep up with the studying & keep my eye on getting an income. ​I REALLY want to fly back to Canada as soon as possible. My family is doing well but my mother is not getting any younger & I miss them all so much.

​It breaks my heart that the two sides of my world will never become one.
​It's a tough reality. 
But, lot's of hard work will make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with. 

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LIFE & REALITY
My Flight leaves tonight . .

I can't even begin to comprehend how I'm feeling right now...

I can only begin to believe that I get to go back to such a gorgeous place, to see the other side of my family again & most importantly, my husband again. However, to even attempt to believe that I get to live with him, that this DISTANCE is over - that is impossible to believe. We have fought through these 4,000 miles of distance for over 5 years, it's as though there is nothing else, as if our relationship can never be a 'normal' non distant relationship. But as of April 1st 2016 it will be the start of our new, amazing life together.

My flight leaves at 6:30PM [Alberta/Edmonton time] tonight & I will arrive in my husbands arms around 2:30PM Scandinavian time. Once I arrive we plan to drop my luggage off at our home (which I HAVE NOT yet seen) & than continue over to my mother in law's place to celebrate my homecoming. He is not letting me actually see/tour our place until AFTER my homecoming party & yes, the excitement is REAL! I've had my eye on this gorgeous little house for over two years & it just so happened, since my last trip over, that it went up for rent & my husband got it! But after my journey, lots of family hugs & some champagne I will get to see my lovely home. It will be the most thrilling evening of my life..

Soon I'll be on a plane for the first time in over two years & my new life with be just a few clouds away!!

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LIFE & REALITY
I'm coming home..

As of February 26th 2016 I have proudly received my 'yes' to go home & live with my darling husband in Scandinavia. I got home from a typical day at work, a casual day of just trying to forget my anxious thoughts & desires, to then find an email awaiting me. An email which I have been yearning for for far too long. My breathing stopped at a hault & I whispered to myself 'Is this the day?..' I rushed to call Tommy on Skype & even he was in disbelief. But sure enough, it was the day the distance was broken,

It's been a few days now, normal days, of just work & sleep. I'm finally almost over a stubborn head cold I have had even before I got my 'yes'. I had a few glasses of whiskey, woke up without an expected hangover & was surprised. But, a cold followed a day after. Now of course, when I am off & I want to drink a beer to celebrate I'm sick, so I'm avoiding all alcohol until this cold passes. Of course, both of my lovely families know about the amazing news & both of which are very relieved & happy for me. I am booking my ticket sometime within the last week of March so these next few weeks will be little Skype & LOTS of family time. I plan to make up for the lack of Skyping when I get my ass home..

Home; I get to go home. To my husband, to my beautiful house I haven't even been in yet, to that gorgeous landscape & to my other family who is dying to see me. I'm packed & ready to leave. All I need is my final pay checks to come in & I'll be having a long awaited date with Flight Centre . OMG OMG I CAN'T WAIT !!

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LIFE & REALITY

The Survival...

I have been in my current long distant relationship with my husband for 5 years, as of this coming February 2016. I am currently living in Canada, where I was born & as for him he was born in Scandinavia .We met on an online chat client called 'IMVU' & have been closely connected ever since. At this moment, I have applied for my resident permit & am waiting for my last email, granting me to finally fly home to my husband. After telling people about my relationship I always get responses like "How do you manage?" or "I wouldn't be able to do it, good for you!" Which leads me to this subject -
How do I & my darling get by on a day to day basis?..

Well, in the morning I wake him up for work after sleeping on Skype for the entire night. Then we hang up & he phones me back on his cell phone's Skype application once he is in his truck. He is a night trucker so he works during the daytime hours of Canada, which collides well with my own sleeping pattern. In the mean time I go get breakfast & coffee before meeting him back on Skype. We would then talk for hours until he gets to the location where he unloads his cargo. Also, by this time, I would have to get ready for my own job &/or day out. While out I always keep in touch through Facebook messenger, letting him know where I plan to be, how long & also when I will be back home on Skype. When I am at my own work place I would let him know what time (Scandinavia time) I am planning on taking my break & see if it works well for him. If not, I would rearrange it, if possible, so that we could talk. For the working end, that is how we normally communicate.  ​- Remember, voice & communication is ALL you have. USE it wisely! Believe it or not; Tommy & I have yet to argue. We always thoroughly discuss any issues we may be having. Either it be between us, or about our own seperate lives. Some may hear it & assume it's an argument due to the serious tone we have be using, but honestly, it's our way of getting past any difficulties in a healthy way, with the intent to heal & cure the problem.  

CAM-DATES

We try to schedule 'cam-dates' & by 'cam-dates' I mean a day where we both intend to fire up our webcams & visit live for awhile. Since we usually just use voice, because of work, being lazy &/or gaming. I truly love our 'cam-dates' because they do not happen often, but when they do it's very refreshing. It is very difficult to truly embrace the connection when you can not see the persons face, meaning 'reading' them is not as fluent. But on live camera, it is a lot more like being face-to-face. It's absolutely a great way to connect & making a date out of it enables us to be sure we won't be interrupted.

INTIMACY

Yes, it is possible. Even while me & my darling are 4,000 miles apart what we make of our sex life is very much worth the effort. Skype of course is the main link to this subject, that & HD webcams! I own a 17 inch Alienware laptop & with that I have a HD Logitech webcam. Not one of Logitech's REALLY expensive products, but it is definitely HD. I have had these two pieces of equipment for almost 3 years & they both are in perfection condition! They have served me VERY well & I am extremely thankful for the time & money that went into purchasing them. My darling & I have always been intimate over Skype, but of course, when I met him I was extremely shy & very unconfident. (He is also the first man I ever had virtual, or REAL sex with. For this, I am very proud) At first I was very quiet & reserved, but now I have discovered ways to be open, inviting & have so much fun with him! Our intimate ways mainly resulted in phone sex, but eventually it lead to live webcam sex. We would combine our cam-dates with our romantic desire, where I would show off my new lingerie & 'toys' to him under good lighting. Sometimes only I would be on live camera, sometimes only he would be or both of us at the same time. Privacy is also not easy when I have always lived with family, but I got a lock on my bedroom door which ensure that our close online encounters would not be interrupted. Once you become comfortable enough, or as comfortable as I am now, with exposing yourself to your distant Love you will see that it is not at limited as one would assume. No, it's not the 'real thing' but if you intend to stay loyal, this is definitely the way to ensure a healthy sex life, even with the distance between you two.

GAMING

Gaming is our hobby & it turns out it is a great way to feel connected while distant. Especially if you play the same game or play online together. I know not all women are as into gaming as me, but I most certainly have always been! - What do we play? World Of WarCraft, Tera, Guild Wars 2, EverQuest Landmark, Heroes Of The Storm, Smite, League Of Legends, Saints Row & so much more!

FLIGHTS & AIRPORTS

Of course, buying plane tickets & rushing through airports is a huge part of a long distant relationship. I have seen my husband six times, face-to-face for different periods of time. Sometimes for four months, sometimes only one. It depended on my job, or the ticket price or what our plans may have been for the near future. Throughout those six visits, two of them have been where Tommy came to Canada to see me. The other four have been myself flying to Scandinavia to see him. Having a steady job, or even a very flexible one while having an long distant relationship is a must! Just because Skype & WiFi exist does not mean that is the limit. Especially if you have NEVER met face-to-face! My tickets have costed me anywhere from 1,200 to 2,200 Canadian (7570 to 13879 kronor). I came to find, that usually, the further in advance that you book the round trip flight the cost will be lower. As for one-way flights, I have only recently been looking & they appear to be, according to the website I go use, cheaper then round trip flights. I am one of those people who like flying, maybe because I have only flown to see my darling, but I do truly enjoy it. I always picked the same airports for my connecting flights, so I knew what I was up for. My trips - The flying time was usually 12 hours long & I always tried to give myself at least two hours at every layover stop. I've gotten a lot better at it over time. Also, I would physically purchase my ticket, so that I could make sure I got the layover time & locations that were to my liking. The fight center I went to were truly amazing & very understanding!


~ That is about all I can gather, in the most brief way possible, when it comes to successfully being with your distant partner. However; if you have ANY questions or want help on how to manage your long distant relationship PLEASE message/email me! I will try my best to help you out & I will always reply as soon as I can! xo

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LIFE & REALITY

Good day world!
I have really wanted to write something inspiring regarding exercising & being healthy, so let's do this!

First off, let me start by telling you lovely readers a bit about my past . .
When it comes to weight & being fit I definitely have not always been those two things. At the age of 14 I weighed 140 lbs (63.50 kg) & was 4 feet 11 inches tall. Currently, I am 115 lbs (52.10 kg) & still 4 feet 11 inches tall. I was bullied throughout all of my junior high school years, due to my weight & also my alternative choice of style. I started to become desperate, while seeing all these skinny, taller & slimmer girls throughout my school, so I started to eat less. I wasn't quite at the stage where I need help, or had an eating disorder, but it did take quite the toll on my heath & immune system. Sometimes I would go home, look in the mirror, & feel stuck that way. I used to say to myself 'It's my body, why can't I make it the way I WANT it to be?!' I kept this up on & off for about 2 years but once the last grade of junior high hit this new assistant principal got hired. I got to know her & eventually she made me feel loved enough to the point where the bullying bothered me a lot less. Which, over time, made me stop starving myself & I just tried my best to eat healthier for the remainder of the school year. Between now & then a lot regarding my outside image has changed. I've had braces for four years & had them removed. I have had major jaw & chin surgery (due to being born with Pierre Robin's syndrome) & also a scar revised from when I had to be fed through a tube after being born premature. All of this has done A LOT of positive impact on my overall self esteem. But one thing, more then anything, is the changes I've made to my diet & my exercise. ​I never worked out, like ever, until about 2 years or so ago. I joined a gym called 'Curves' here in my local area, which got me into the whole workout groove. But after awhile it wasn't doing anything for me, by that I mean, I wasn't getting any stronger. Their system & machines were not like your typical full out gym. It didn't 'burn' or 'ache' the way I wanted. So I looked up some workout videos & came across Jillian Michaels. The first video of hers I began with was the '30 Day Shred'. Which includes 3 different workouts, it lasts 30 days, but you do each video individually for 10 days & work your way up to the 30 day mark. Let me tell you - the next day just walking up STAIRS was a killer! Like, no joke, it was painful. BUT! It meant something finally made my muscles work & I LOVED it! I have been using the 30 day shred ever since, in fact, I used it today. However, because there are three levels to that video course, the 2nd & 3rd are the hardest. I have stuck to those, for obvious reasons. 'Why not a gym?!" you may ask; I would LOVE to & I crave to, but with my situation with moving any day & also no longer being employed it's worth my while to save that cash. I plan on spending it on a gym when I am settled in my new home in Sweden.

ANYWAYS; Now that you know where I've been on the road to a better lifestyle, where am I now?.. I workout weekly & I allow myself two days off a week. I can spend them however I wish, BUT, they cannot go side by side. (Unless I have major plans, which I never really do) My diet has changed a lot these past few years, because now that I workout as often as I do I find my hunger levels are INSANE! But, as long as I am truly hungry & stick to the healthiest stuff in the house, I cannot complain. WATER is something I definitely never drank before I changed my lifestyle. Now I always have my water bottle with me & try my hardest to drink as much as possible, without becoming bloated. I also have realized, water does amazing things for your body WHILE working out. I cannot really explain it but it just makes it easier for my body to comprehend & handle the intensity, no matter how hard I push myself. I am still a curvy, short woman but now that I am at a very healthy weight I've learned to embrace it. I honestly would hate it if I woke up super skinny. Healthy is the true beauty. I am toned, I have noticed a huge change in the way I see myself & how much stronger my muscles have become. Also, my energy levels RISE incredibly when keeping up with my workout routine. The difference is absolutely worth my hard work! My goal is to eventually look very fit, not like masculine type of fit, but you get what I mean. Though, in order for that goal to be accomplished that requires a gym, which is in my plans for the near future.. 


It just comes to show you that YOU CAN​​ make those changes, but you cannot go into it hoping or thinking it will be easy. You have to be determined. You have to remind yourself of WHY you are making these changes & HOW they will benefit you now & in the future. I used to say 'NEVER' but now I say 'NOTHING will stop me!' Because I WANT a healthy lifestyle, a toned body & to have the looks I have always wanted. Do it for YOURSELF & no one else. Find it in yourself to get a hold of that deep self respect & self love.

That is what got me to where I am today - confident, comfortable & full of self respect.
You can do it. You deserve it & you CAN make it happen!​

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4 years it's been since I met my Love, Tommy. Throughout those years we've been held together by plane tickets, Skype & the inevitable bond we will forever share. Where & how did we meet?! We met on a chat client called IMVU & from there we started bonding through Facebook & Skype. It only took 6 months before he decided to fly his way into my city & into my arms, on August 12, 2011. We spent two weeks together, exploring what it was like to be able to connect the way true Love should - face to face. After that visit I spent the next few years working hard to earn money to make my first few trips over to beautiful Scandinavia. All of my trips over there were breathtaking, yet heart breaking to depart from. I come from a busy city, where people are always rushed, the air is tainted with pollution & where I felt suffocated by concrete. But when I arrived in Scandinavia, time after time, I felt more & more at home. The air captivated me as I stepped off that plane for the first time & the nature was outstandingly mesmerizing! The people are so patient, kind & warm hearted. It made me realize, for the first time, that this world is not just busy people & shades of grey. At least not where my heart belongs.

On my fourth trip over to Scandinavia my darling & I got married, on February 14th 2014. Our wedding was beautiful, simple & held only the closest of his family. My side of the family did not attend due to ticket prices, but of course, got tons of photo's & videos to see. I still wish they could have been there with us. After this trip, I went back to my city with the same obsolete feelings making their way through into my heart & mind. Leaving kills me. That is why I have not been back since, because on January 27th, 2015 Tommy & I handed in our application for my residency. Once this was done reality struck me. 'We can actually do this?! We can be a REAL couple?! No more distance, tears & sleeping alone?' - that's right, I assured myself as I began organizing my plans for the next few months to come.

.. & with my heart strong feelings burning brighter than ever before I wait for 'that email. 
​I wait, to come home to my Love forever.

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