It’s been roughly four years since I properly blogged in long form writing for myself. I spent the last three or four years writing as a journalist, mostly around subjects that weren’t of personal value to me. I wrote a long post to spill my thoughts somewhere that wasn’t a pillow with mascara stains I’d regret the next day. Usually, I’d consider myself a talker rather than a writer. My career paths have led me to show that that may not actually be the case. My writing is now the only part of my personality that I have left that I fully trust. It’s been a fixed entity since I was a child, where other hobbies passed me in a hurry or perhaps at a slower pace. After blogging the ins and outs of my life almost every single day for 4 years I was pretty devastated when that was taken from me when the blog platform shut down. It was a different identity; one that today I can look upon with nostalgia but also sadness. I read the posts I have saved and barely recognise myself. I fell in love on that blog, got my heart broken, made friends that to this day I wouldn’t be the same without although that contact is minimal these days. It was more than just a way of gaining my gratification and self acceptance - I came to trust my blog. I trusted it to make me feel better. To remind me that there were good times too. The bad didn’t outweigh the good, they were just there. Four years of an angsty, self hating and occasionally amusing teen and I miss that trust. I related more to strangers than I did my friends sometimes, and far more than I trusted myself. So that’s why I’m blogging again. I need somewhere to put all these experiences and confusion and problems that aren’t my own head. Formulating them into my own words gives them a purpose: it makes me realise how much bigger my world is than just the musings of a now young adult. If you like clumsy, awkward and loud laughed people, you might enjoy reading about my sometimes tragic and sometimes funny life. And if you don’t, it might open your eyes to what it’s like to be that person.
Till next time,