I know I have not being blogging, or doing anything at all for that matter. I feel like all I have done this past year is work, and its not even like I am gaining money because to be quite honest I have not. I have just been working my ass of for nothing, well nothing is probably a little bit too rash but yeah. I have nothing to say about the past months that I have not updated anything on here, because I have said have basically nothing to say apart from I have been working A LOT.
I wanted to come on here and talk about relationships, not just romantic relationships, but relationships between family and friends. I feel like I have been a strong bridge between my family, or I think they think that I am a strong bridge that holds things together, but to be honest I am not. As we all know, I moved to Northern Ireland in 2014, not in a good way, I wasn't in a good place with my mom back then, she was going through depression and I decided to move, I didn't even tell my parents or anybody apart from my best friend that I was moving. So, I booked a one way ticket to Dublin and that was it. I didn't even have the guts to tell my mom directly, I waited until the last minute to tell her, actually, I waited until I had a plan. But anyway, getting off topic now, I moved, didn't tell my parents, since then I feel like everything at home has just been so hard, specially for my mom. She is stuck there with my brother who is a teenager and has CRAY mood swings and my dad, which has problems on its own. I often read messages from mom and brother how things are not ok sometimes, and that this and that has happened. Now, I don't want to get into the specifics of what exactly is happening but trust me when I say its bad. I love my family but I hate it when they tell me things but I literally can't do anything about it, I am not there, I don't know how to fix things like this.
I can barely fix my own relationship problems how in the world am I supposed to fix things from miles and miles away. I recently when to Berlin, to see my best friend Vanessa and also to meet her man. And it was awesome, but I have to explain some things. V, this is for you.
I love you more than words can explains and I have said this multiple times, I have never met anyone like you, I have never met anyone so passionate about things that they actually care about. You made me feel like i belonged somewhere in gymnasium. You made the 3 years of gymnasium less of a living hell that it was. I know I have not known you since birth but I feel like I have, I connected with you like we were meant to know each other from birth. I am sorry for leaving you in 2014, I missed you everyday, and I still miss you. I'm sorry I don't message you a lot, mainly because I am always working and I am always tired and I just fail at everything. I need to apologies for my efforts in Berlin, I know you said to not worry about it but deep in my heart I am aching, every time I think about the days where I could have done so many things with you, made so many memories but I didn't, Berlin was supposed to be our week, you and me, VI, but i ruined it, I ruined everything. I'm sorry for not dancing the night away with you, I'm sorry we didn't see the cow wall, I'm sorry we didn't get a photobooth picture of just the two of us, I'm sorry we didn't get to make our own chocolate bars. I am eternally sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel like you would rather be anywhere else but there. I'm sorry. I would do anything and everything to get back some of those days and just be with you and not think about any other shit that is going on in my brain. I hope you don't regret the trip, I hope you don't regret still being my friend, I hope you don't regret getting our tattoo. You, Vanessa mean the world to me, if anything happened to you I would fly back and be by your side in a heartbeat. I hope you still find in your heart to forgive me and let me make up for my failure. And I do hope you don't hate me after writing this. I am basically confessing my love to you haha
Ok, I think that is enough for me, I need to drink some water and dry me eyes and face. V, I love you so much