Morning! Today is my day off and it's like 30 degrees outside (I've been told that it's going to be anyways). Me and two coworkers decided to have breakfast at Starbucks so we sat outside in the sun together. I still have some work related things I need to do today, though. I need to go with an underage student to the bank so that he can withdraw money. I have to do this since the student's parent transfered the money in my name. But it shouldn't take long. Also I have to come up with some ideas for a birthday gift.
Apart from that I'm just gonna chill. I have just started reading a book a friend got for me before I left. I have barely read anything at all since I got here, which is quite unusual for me. I mean the week before I left my biggest issue was returning the library books without coming out of the library with more books. The struggle is real.
Tomorrow I'm doing clay modelling with the students. I did it two weeks ago when I was in a really bad mood and it made me happier. The students make me feel better. It just fills my heart with joy when they are smiling towards me and they recognize me and everything; even when I'm not a work. And just doing something creative helps. I just have to remember that. Because let's face it, when I'm anxious or sad I tend to do things that are just for coping; not exactly for helping (as in feeling better). I dunno. I think there's a distinction between the two. My biggest bad habit (or coping strategy) is cracking my right wrist. I've been told it's called psychomotor agitation and I've been doing this and some other stuff since I was little. I don't know why I'm bringing this up since it's a very sensitive subject and just talking about it makes me want to crack it. But now you know. If I get very anxious I actually crack it to a point where it starts to swell up and hurt and stuff. My therapist told me it's very important that I allow myself to have these little coping strategies and that I don't blame myself or try to force myself to quit doing them just because people scare me by saying that it's dangerous and bad or whatever. I'm doing it for a reason and removing my way of coping with my issues doesn't solve the problem. But I can say though that it has gotten so much better over the years so slow but steady. Or maybe never. Now, while I'm on the subject. If you ever see me doing this, please don't say anything about it and please don't look at me (at least not at my wrist). I'm still a bit ashamed of it because people have always made me feel like what I'm doing is wrong and if someone calls me out on it I feel exposed and the anxiety gets worse. What you can do though is talk to me :) But don't feel like you have to if you don't want to.
I feel like this is where I should end this post. It got super serious out of nothing. That's what I get for not having a filter :) Thank you for reading this.