I think I enjoy writing so much because that’s one thing I can work on and see the progress right away.
Like look! I finished a fucking sentence and that took me, what, a minute?
I’m currently working on a short story (in Swedish) which I started writing around the same time as I made this blog. It’s been a lot of fun and I’m very proud of my story so far. The fact that I’ve written a story with a proper beginning, middle and end is a great step for me as that’s the main issue I’ve had with writing before.
Let’s take David as an example. David is a character of mine who I created for an online roleplay with my friends when I was 13. That means he’s five years old. He’s obviously changed a lot during that time and I know him and his story so, so well but I’ve never written a proper shareable story about him. That’s kind of a lie because the blog post called “Men så har ju allting förändrats” is about him and Amir, another character of mine. But the thing is that I’ve written loads of texts about David. I counted the pages, which took a while because they’re scattered in about a million different files on my computer, and I found around 70 pages! 70!! I wish there was a way to caps lock numbers because that’s a LOT. /=!! 70!! So I figured I should channel that inspiration into writing something that others actually could read and understand.
Oh- Oh, oh no! I actually got so excited about writing this I forgot to drink my tea and now it’s gone cold :’(
Anyway, after brewing myself another cup of tea I’m ready to continue. I feel like this blog could be a way to see myself (and let others see me) in a different light. Because my life is so blurry I feel like I’ve kind of lost myself and my personality a little. I’ve thought about the meaning behind the idea of a “real me” for a few years. The question of whether there is one true identity and set of characteristics that is 100% us. Because the way I see it, our personality and our traits change depending on who we’re around and in what situation we’re in. Who am I around my family? My friends? Strangers? When I’m on my own? Like with many other questions I believe there are many answers to this one, and perhaps all of them are right. I think that at the moment I’m only truly myself when I’m alone, maybe because I value the time I get to myself so much. Another factor is that I don’t have to worry about what others will think. If you know me you’ll know I don’t tend to care about others ideas of me, but there’s more to what others think than whether they think I’m dumb and ugly or not. It’s also what they expect of me, like my facial expressions when they talk about a serious topic or how loudly I laugh when they tell a joke. I think those expectations are the core to me being an introvert. It’s not like I think about them every time I talk to someone or anything, but they do exist and tire me out.
So, let’s get back on topic. Basically, I want to write down all of these theories and thoughts that I don’t really talk to anyone else about here. In whatever language I feel like. I’ll write stories and more artistic texts too, but right now this is what you (and I) are getting.